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“Maybe both of those things are true.”
I sigh. “Maybe.”
“You know, it’s common for men as they age to become, for lack of a better word, grumpy. It has to do with their decreasing testosterone levels.”
I cringe. “I don’t want to talk about Roy’s testosterone levels, Simon. Besides, according to Muriel and Teddy, he’s been this way since he moved here.”
“Hmm … You said he was married once?”
“Yeah. And I think he has a daughter. Or had one.” My curiosity about Roy’s past has taken over my idle thoughts since I saw that portrait yesterday. I’m intrigued about what might have happened, and if it made him into who he is today.
“Well, my dear, it sounds like you don’t really have options, then.”
Simon’s right. Whether it’s my guilt or sense of responsibility, or because I know it’s the right thing to do, I have to go to Roy’s in the morning and offer my help again. Even if he doesn’t deserve it. “How do I do it in a way that won’t make him reach for his gun?” Not that he could fire it at me at the moment, thank God.
“By beguiling him, of course.” I hear the smile in Simon’s voice. “If he’s isolated himself for this long, perhaps it’s best to let him get used to you being around, for starters.”
I shake my head, though he can’t see it. “I can’t believe I’m actually trying to find a way to help that asshole milk his stupid goats.”
Simon chuckles. “Remember when you used to be terrified of those things?”
“Vaguely. Funny enough, next to bears, they don’t seem so scary anymore.”
“Yes, perhaps we best not mention that part of this story to your mother, okay? She already worries enough.” He pauses. “And how are things otherwise?”
“They’re fine.” M
y stock answer these days. “Jonah’s been working all the time lately.”
“And how does that make you feel?”
I stifle my groan at Simon’s favorite question. “Lonely?” I offer casually, but there’s nothing casual about that. “Sometimes, it seems like working is more important to Jonah than spending time with me.” It’s the first time I’ve ever said that out loud, and it feels like a betrayal.
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“Not in so many words.” Not at all, really. “I’m trying to be supportive.”
“Are you feeling resentment toward Jonah because of it?”
“No. I mean, how can I? I told him to take the job.” Mainly because I felt guilty after overhearing his conversation with Marie. “And what he’s doing is important. The wildfires are really bad this year.” The smoke has gotten so dense, the Chugach Mountains aren’t even visible from Anchorage right now.
“It is important,” Simon agrees. “But so is acknowledging your feelings and deciding how you want to deal with them.”
“I’m dealing with them by keeping myself busy and looking forward to things like my birthday.” A weekend away is exactly what Jonah and I need. “Besides, it’s only for a few more months.” And then he’s gone for three weeks to fly Jack Thomas’s rich hunters around. Quiet days are one thing. My stomach clenches with dread at all those nights alone, listening to every creak the house makes, my overactive imagination conjuring up what might be lurking outside.
I need to start looking at flights to Toronto.
There’s a long pause on the other end of the phone, so long that I begin to think the line has cut off.
“Simon?”
“I’m here, I’m here. I thought I heard your mother stirring.”
I smile at the thought of my stepfather scrambling to hide his guilty pleasure from her.
And realize how much I miss them both.
* * *
