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“Yeah, he’s a server at The Glass House. Really nice guy. Even I can’t believe what I’m feeling. Honestly, Aspen, I didn’t think I’d ever have these feelings again.”
“I know I’ll never have those feelings again,” she says. “I don’t care if Hugh Jackman himself walks up to this table and propositions me.”
I nod. I totally get where she’s coming from. “Except Luke is way cuter than Hugh Jackman.”
She laughs. “Totally not possible.”
I take a few more drinks of my latte. “I’m not sure I’m ready. Can you tell I had a sobbing spree earlier today?”
“Not before you just mentioned it. But yeah, your eyes are slightly swollen.”
“Believe me, they look a lot better than they did.”
“So why the crying spree?”
I fill her in quickly.
“He didn’t leave town after all?”
“Nope. So apparently I went on the crying jag for no reason.”
“Have you considered that maybe…”
“What?”
“Maybe…you’re just not ready.”
“I’ve considered that from the moment this started. Believe me, it’s in the forefront of my mind at all times. But I fell fast, and I fell hard. And you know what? It’s pretty amazing. It’s pretty amazing that I can feel anything, Aspen.”
She nods, but in her eyes I see the truth. She’s not buying it.
“You may be surprised,” I tell her. “You may be able to feel something after all.”
“Not going to happen. If the thought of Hugh Jackman can’t get me moving, nothing can.”
“I can’t get Hugh Jackman for you,” I say. “He’s been married for like forever, but don’t sell yourself short. I believe in you. I believe in all of us.”
“You sound like Macy.”
“You weren’t at group the other day,” I say. “But Macy said something that really stuck with me.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. She said you don’t have to wait until life is no longer difficult to be happy.”
Aspen doesn’t reply. She stares at her coffee cup, which is now empty.
“You want another?” I ask.
She shakes her head.
I still have a little bit of my latte left, so I finish quickly. “You’ve had enough social hour, haven’t you?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Is it that obvious?”
“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I just wanted to… Hell, I don’t know what I wanted to do. I guess I just wanted a friend.”
She smiles then. “Okay, you’ve got one, then. But is it okay if we have different feelings about different things?”
“Of course it is. What would life be without different opinions? Pretty boring.”
She nods. “Maybe I’ll have another coffee after all.”
11
LUKE
What do I do with this degenerate now?
As much as I want to make him pay with my bare hands—or with my knife or my gun—I can’t go back to that place.
Damn… I want a drink.
Pollack has alcohol here.
He admitted it. I could easily go into his kitchen and find the booze. Just a sip. A sip would take the edge off.
One sip wouldn’t send me back down the hole.
Except one sip is all it would take. Fuck, alcoholism is hard.
My muscles tense, and my thighs are ready to take me into a stand, walk me to the kitchen.
It’s body versus brain.
Which will win out?
My body is craving alcohol right now, craving it as if I’m starving on a desert island.
Man… Almost craving it the way I crave Katelyn.
“You look like you could use a drink, man,” Pollack says.
Fuck it all. Does he read minds now?
My fingers tighten around the gun. “Shut the fuck up, asshole.”
“Easy… You just look a little tense.”
Tense? I wish for tense. This is so beyond tense that I may shatter into pieces if I so much as move.
“So what do I do with you now?”
“Let me go?” He lets out a nervous chuckle.
“Yeah, that’s going to happen.”
Seriously, though, what do I do with him now? If I let him go, the first thing he’ll do is call the cops on me. I can’t have that because I need to get to LA and take care of things. I have a lot of red on my ledger, and I can’t be worthy of Katelyn until I erase it.
Which will probably also mean erasing my life.
What I need is insurance. Insurance that this derelict won’t go running to the cops. Insurance that he will continue to help me.
“You and I are going to make a deal,” I say.
“Best news I’ve heard all day,” he replies.
“I’m going to tell you who I truly am,” I say, “because when you find out, I’ll know for sure that you won’t cross me.”
“I already know who you are. You’re Lucifer Raven, a drug lord from California.”
“Right. You know that. But what you don’t know is the extent of my power.”
“Who says I don’t?”
“Because if you did, you wouldn’t be sitting here now.”
His mouth drops open.
“Watch out for mosquitoes,” I say.
He presses his lips together, his jaw rigid.
“You know my street name is Lucifer Raven, and you know I used to be involved in the drug business.”
