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All this time, I’ve been hating myself for being a fucking narc.
But I’ll give it to my old man. He just helped me see myself in a brand-new light.
One difference, though. If what he tells me is true, he was more of a plant. He wasn’t a canary who turned on his friends like I was.
Still, I did help save a lot of people from drugs.
Of course, I also put them in danger in the first place.
Oh, hell. It doesn’t matter how much red I erase from my ledger. I’ll always be the guy who squealed on his buddies. I’ll always be the guy who got out of a lifetime sentence because he was willing to turn state’s evidence.
And I’ll always be the guy who did the crime in the first place.
Even if my ledger contains only black, I’ll never be good enough for Katelyn Brooks.
“Son?” my dad says.
“What?”
“Why are you back here? I want the true answer now.”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“It does matter. I helped broker a deal for you. A deal where you’d be safe and secure. The only thing you had to do was stay the hell out of LA. So what do you do? You come back here.”
I stand straight, regard my father. I look a lot like him. At least, when my hair and eyes are the right color. My father is still a handsome and robust man, with only a little bit of silver streaking through his dark blond hair.
I sigh. “I came back to be a better man.”
“You can be a good man anywhere.”
I shake my head. “I came back to right the wrongs, but I realize now that I can’t do that. Some things can never change. Some things can never be reversed.”
“That’s true,” Dad says. “But—”
“No buts.” I shake my head vehemently. “I created the mess I’m in. I’ll have to deal with it.”
“Trey…don’t. It will kill your mother. It was bad enough that you had to leave town and tell her you’d never see her again. But now you come back? If you leave her again, it will destroy her this time.”
I don’t reply. How can I? The only way to truly erase the red from my ledger is to give my life to take down the entire organization. I will do it.
Because my life is worth nothing. As much as it pains me, Katelyn needs to move on. She deserves so much better.
We’ll both move on…after I see her one last time.
32
KATELYN
After talking to detectives on the bomb squad for what seemed like hours—apparently what looked like a simple timer was in fact the bomb—Mom and I check into the Beverly Hills Hotel. I have to pay extra for Jed, of course, but I don’t mind. My mom and dad have money. I don’t like taking it, but after I was almost killed, it doesn’t seem as bad.
I saw another side of my mother today. She cared for me, called me baby, gave me strength.
So unlike her.
I came back from an island after being gone for ten years—ten years where my parents thought I was dead—and I got nothing but coldness from her.
I don’t get it. My mother is beyond comprehension.
“Don’t you think it might be better to put the dog in a kennel for a few days?” Mom says.
Okay, normal Mom is back.
“I want him with me,” I say. “It’s not up for debate. Jed and I can have our own room.”
“Yes, I think that might be best.”
Good. So much for the mother who cares.
Once Jed and I are settled in our room, I decide to text Luke. If he thinks my life was in danger, maybe he’ll return my text.
I write a quick text.
My mom and I are at the Beverly Hills Hotel. No news on my dad’s biopsy yet. We had a little bit of a scare earlier. I’m okay. I love you.
I wait.
And then I wait some more.
Luke doesn’t reply.
I pull up the photo of his new tattoo once more.
His only communication with me since he left Manhattan.
In my heart, I know it means everything. But I’m scared. Is it possible he’s not communicating with me because he can’t? But he was able to get a tattoo, and he was able to send me a photo of it.
So he’s not in danger.
I breathe a sigh of relief, but still sadness overwhelms me. I miss him. I miss him so much. I lie on my bed in the hotel, Jed sleeping soundly beside me. I stroke his soft fur.
“It’s just for the time being, boy,” I say. “We’ll get through it. Together.”
I lie down on the bed and snuggle with Jed, floating in and out of a light sleep. I don’t know how long has passed when—
I jerk at the sound of a knock on the door.
Jed’s ears perk up, and he lets out a quick bark.
