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“It’s not what you think.” My insides twisted, and nausea curled in my stomach.
I couldn’t explain what’d happened. I couldn’t tell my sweet Allie that I’d become more tightly bound to my Mafia family than ever.
Why are you loyal to them? Your cousins are awful. Your sister is cruel to you. And you… You’re not like them. Her desperate words echoed through my mind.
I was like them. I was truly one of them now, irrevocably part of our criminal family. The heir to the resurging empire that my father would control. Once I blackmailed Allie’s dad.
Once I betrayed her completely.
My grandfather’s hard questions hit me like a punch straight to my heart: And what else will you sacrifice? This girl, Alexandra. You care for her. How do you think she’ll react when she finds out that you blackmailed her father?
“Max.” She caressed my cheek. My skin was strangely cold beneath her warm touch. “Did they hurt you?”
I tried to harden my bruised heart. “No, Bambi. They didn’t hurt me. I’m fine.”
A small frown tugged at her lush lips, and her gemstone eyes flashed, incensed on my behalf. “You’re bleeding. That’s not okay.” Despite her fierce tone, her fingers were achingly gentle as she unwound the bloodstained cloth from my hand. She hissed in a breath when she revealed the angry red slash across my palm.
The mark of my triumph.
But the searing heat in my cheeks felt more like shame.
For years, shame had been my constant companion. I thought I’d overcome it tonight when I’d earned my father’s respect. But now…
“Who did this?” she insisted, righteously angry. “Your father?”
I managed a tight nod, at a loss for words. My father had cut me, but he hadn’t hurt me. At least, it hadn’t felt painful at the time.
My palm stung with a sudden searing heat that matched the awful warmth in my face, and my stomach lurched.
Her pretty features softened, her eyes glowing with compassion. “I’ll get this bandaged. Come on.” She took my uninjured hand and gently led me into her bedroom before briefly stepping into the bathroom. She returned with a small first aid kit and gestured for me to sit on the bed.
I nearly groaned when she dropped to her knees before me. The last time we’d been in this position, she taken me in her mouth for the first time. Despite the pain in my hand and the far worse heat in my cheeks, my cock stiffened for her.
If only I could lose myself in her, I could rid myself of these ugly, terrifying emotions. Because dread was creeping into my consciousness: the budding realization that I’d done something unforgivable.
“You’re safe now,” I rasped, voicing my rationalization aloud.
Her eyes shone as she tenderly held my hand and disinfected the cut. “Is that why they did this to you? Is it because of me?”
“No, angel,” I promised. “It’s not because of you.”
The mark of my loyalty had nothing to do with her and everything to do with my desire to earn my father’s respect. To prove that I was worthy.
You want to be worthy, but no worthy man would betray the woman he loves in exchange for power. My grandfather’s accusation cut to the bone.
She pressed her lips together and made a small, disapproving sound as she wrapped a white bandage around my hand.
“Okay,” she sighed. “You don’t have to tell me what happened if you’re not ready.” She stared up at me from where she knelt between my legs, her eyes wide and guileless. “You can tell me anything, Max. Whenever you’re ready.”
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. I’d never be able to tell her what I’d done tonight, how I’d been initiated into my crime family. She would hate me forever if she found out that I truly was Mafia. I’d never lied to her before about being a monster, but I would keep this from her. She clearly disdained and feared my family. The knowledge that I’d willingly joined their ranks would destroy what we shared.
And I wouldn’t lose Allie. I couldn’t.
I trailed my fingers through her silken hair, and she leaned into my touch.
“You’re safe now,” I promised. “That’s what matters.”
It was all that mattered: that she was safe and we were together. I wouldn’t allow anything to tear us apart. Not my family, and not this dark secret that I would always have to keep from her.
I couldn’t allow myself to think through the impossibility of hiding the terrible truth from her forever. My shame and fear of losing her overwhelmed all rational thought, and I surrendered to my most primal, possessive instincts.
I grasped her waist and easily lifted her delicate frame, arranging her so that she straddled my hips. Her lips parted on a shocked gasp, and I took the opportunity to claim her mouth once again. I had to make her mine in every way. Allie belonged to me.
