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“Maybe. I was undecided. Though...it is likely I would have stopped you from going through with it. Because...as I said, you are mine.”
“You...don’t make any sense to me,” she said. “You act like you were raised by wolves...and then you go and say things like this. You go and say things that are so insightful, and that make me feel like I just might not be alone, or that I might not be the big ball of crazy I tend to think I am.”
“You probably are still a...ball of crazy,” he said, the words sounding so funny and off rhythm in that accent. “But a very charming one.”
“Thanks. I appreciate that.”
“Well, I can’t have you questioning what you think of me too deeply. It might make you rethink too many things, right?”
“Maybe I should.” She rose up onto her knees and moved to where he stood at the edge of the bed. Her heart was pounding fast, the emotion flowing through her making her dizzy.
She knew she shouldn’t touch him. She knew she shouldn’t want him. Nothing was settled. There was still too much baggage between them. But when she was in Alex’s arms...she was so much closer to the woman she really was, rather than the woman who was just pretending.
Right now, she didn’t have the strength to pretend. She leaned in, eye level with his chest, and kissed the bare skin revealed by his undone top button.
“Rachel.” Her gaze met his. He looked like he was in pain, his eyes closed, a deep groove between his brows.
“I’m not going to hit you,” she said, stretching up higher and kissing his neck, “I just want to kiss you.”
He reached out and grabbed her wrist, held her back from him, his eyes. “Only if you’re absolutely certain you want me to push you back onto that bed and take you hard and fast. Make you mine. Make you scream.”
“I think I do,” she said, her voice trembling, her whole body trembling.
He captured her face with his other hand, his expression intense. “That isn’t good enough. You’d better be completely certain.”
She swallowed hard. “I want you, Alex.”
“Why?” he asked, his voice sharp.
“I don’t know why,” she said, a tear sliding down her face. Another tear, nothing significant about this one, since it was the hundred-somethingth tear in an hour instead of the first one in eight years. But still, it felt significant. Everything about this moment did.
“Try to tell me.”
“Because you’re the only man that’s ever made me feel this way. Because you’re the only man I’ve ever wanted, really wanted. You make me feel like myself. And I don’t think I’ve ever felt like just...me, before. Everything I’ve done, from rebellion to behaving, has been for other people. You were the first thing I ever did for me.”
“I see.” He traced her jawline with his fingertip. “Am I still a mistake to you, Rachel?”
“I don’t know yet.”
“What? You need to...make me one more time before you’re sure?”
“I might need to get to the end of...everything before I know for sure.”
