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“I know.” James encourages me from the warmth and safety of his body and takes my chin, looking down at me. “Danny,” he says in answer to my questioning face.
I’m worried this will trigger James too, bring on a fresh bout of anger and resentment. He needs his head on straight and his mind to think clearly. Is this the reason why Danny and James seem a bit off with each other? “I want you to be happy for them.”
“I am happy for them. But I can be sad for us too.” He gently rolls me to my back and lies lightly over me, framing my face with his big palms. “I’ve been waiting for you to open up. Hoping. I can’t see you like this, Beau. Tell me what I can do.”
“You know what needs to be done.”
He nods, brushing at my cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “I want you to pack your things,” he orders. “Be ready to leave.”
“When?”
“I don’t know yet. Just be ready.”
I nod, and curl my arm around his neck, pulling him down and pushing our lips together. It takes only a second for us both to open up, to introduce our tongues, to swirl and roll them through each other’s mouths. This isn’t advancing into more. This is just loving.
With everything I have, Beau, I fucking love you. Broken, fixed, happy, sad, I love you. If you do anything, just remember that.
I let our closeness, our love, pull me in and hold me in a place far brighter than the real world, absorbed by his mouth and his devotion, and we kiss, softly and slowly for an eternity. It’s the medicine I need right now, and I’m prepared to overdose on it.
James is the one to end our bliss, and he breathes in deeply, wiping my mouth with his thumb, smiling tenderly as he flicks his eyes up to mine. “Can you make me a promise?” he asks, and I nod, because that is what he needs now, just as much as I need his gentleness.
I already know what he’s going to ask me for. “I will stand down,” I say, my eyes searching his. I see no darkness at all. Only love. He needs his darkness to get through this.
On an understanding nod, he eases off me, pulling me up from the bed. “Come with me.” He leads me to the bathroom and stands me by the sink, running the faucet and wetting a washcloth. He proceeds to pat at my skin, dabbing down the blotchiness, no doubt.
“How bad?” I ask.
“Beautiful,” he replies simply, combing his fingers through my hair and pressing his lips to my forehead. “Are you ready?”
A few deep, stabilizing breaths and a nod, as he discards the cloth and takes my hand, assessing me, before taking the lead, guiding me back toward the celebrations.
The first thing I do when I enter is search for Zinnea, and to my relief, she’s here, smiling, though I detect the worry behind it. She spots me, and I’m quick to signal that I’m okay before she moves her gaze to James, looking at him in a way I’ve never seen before. Appreciation. Trust. She can see his love for me. That will give her some peace. He nods and sits me on a stool, putting a glass of wine in my hand and twisting the cap off a bottle of beer for himself. The chatter hasn’t died, neither has the laughter, and I take it all in as I lose myself in my wine.
“Are you okay?” Rose moves into my side, her worried eyes checking every inch of me. “You’ve been gone so long.” She follows James’s path across the kitchen to Danny and Brad.
“I’m absolutely fine,” I tell her.
“He didn’t seem happy.”
I look across to James, just as he looks across to me. Checking on me. “We talked.” I smile at him before giving it to Rose. “It was needed.”
She exhales, evidently relieved. She was worried. She doesn’t need to know that it wasn’t wasted. “I’m glad.”
“Yeah, me too. But enough of that,” I say, chinking my wine with her water. “I didn’t miss it, did I?”
“No, I told Danny to wait for you.” Rose suddenly looks a little awkward. “Can you act surprised? I don’t want Esther or Daniel to know you knew before them.”
“Of course. How does this work?” I gasp, my mouth falling open, and Rose laughs.
“Let’s hope they’re not looking at you when they find out.”
“That bad?”
“Terrible.” She searches the kitchen, and I watch as Danny gets her attention, showing the ceiling his palms. She shrugs in return, prompting him to make his way over. “He’s still on the PlayStation with Tank.” Her nose scrunches. “It’s important, apparently.”
Danny rolls his eyes and traipses to the kitchen door. “Hey, kid,” he yells, and I hear Daniel call back from the TV room. “Not in a minute,” Danny yells. “Now, or your jet ski will be sold to the lowest bidder.”
