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Her mom pushed out her lips in a pout. “You never said you were unhappy here.”
“I really didn’t know I was until now. At least to the point where I had to make a change, but now I do. I want to be honest with myself and I want to be honest with you.”
Her mom’s hand slapped down hard on the glass surface, her fingers clawing at the edge and clinging to it like she needed to brace herself. Sydney winced.
“Honest? I don’t know what’s worse. Surprises or honesty.”
“Well- you know. You know about that thing with Jesse.”
“Of course, I know!” Her mom’s eyes nearly bulged out of her head. “The whole world knows.”
“Yeah, well, the story was that we were dating in secret for a year. That we’d never really lost touch. He covered for me after I screwed up. That wasn’t how it went at all. The real story is that on the last day of college, I got hammered. I slept with him. I slept with Jesse, and I knew it was wrong and I couldn’t take it because it felt really right, so I left.
“I…”
“Just let me finish before you say anything.” She held up a hand and her mom fell, thankfully, silent. “I left Philly and I never looked back. I’ve spent this whole time out here proving to myself that I was fine. That I could provide for myself. That leaving was the right decision. And then, when I went out to celebrate with my friends on my birthday, I had a few too many drinks and I put this stupid message out there and Jesse saw it. I mean, I was drunk. I don’t even really remember doing it. He’d said something about us marrying each other if in ten years we were still single. We were drunk, and that was before we slept together. Okay, so maybe he wasn’t that drunk. Maybe I told him I didn’t remember any of it, but really, I do. I remember all of it. I wasn’t in my right mind when I wrote that message, but he saw it and he had his crazy butler dude come pick me up and take me to his house. He tried to get the guy to bring me to the store to pick out a ring and a freaking dress. It was the craziest thing. I think he just wanted to prove to me that he was taking it seriously.”
“So- so you were never really engaged?”
“No. The media was never supposed to be there when I got there. His mom let them in. Apparently, she liked the idea of us being together.”
“Jesse’s parents always loved you.”
“I know.” Sydney hung her head. “They were like my second family. They loved both of us. I can’t count how many times we all had dinner together. I think she wanted it to be real. She thought if the world thought it was, then I’d have to stay.”
“But you couldn’t.”
“No.”
“Because you can’t marry a man you love.”
“That’s the thing.” Sydney’s hands vibrated in her lap. “It’s the other way around. You shouldn’t marry a man that you do love.”
Her mom digested that for a minute, biting down hard on her lower lip. “You know, sweetie,” she finally said, her eyes meeting Sydney’s and misting over. “Just because it didn’t work out for me, doesn’t mean it won’t for you.”
“I know that mom.” Sydney sat up straighter. She didn’t want to see her mom cry. “He could have thrown me under the bus, but he didn’t. He did damage control for me. Took the heat off me and said that it just didn’t work out, because sometimes things don’t. He told the world to back off and give me my privacy. The thing is… that’s just Jesse. He’s the best person I’ve ever met.”
Her mom swallowed hard. “You know, I used to think that Jesse was the one causing all the trouble. Getting you into all those scrapes. That he was the wild one and you were just along for the ride. I soon realized he was the one who grounded you. Who kept you from making worse messes. He probably kept you from doing something altogether stupid and hurting or maiming yourself. You always had this crazy energy and he was like… the yin to your yang or something.”
“That’s very poetic.” Sydney had to take a sip of her wine though, because suddenly her eyes were the ones getting prickly.
“Sweetheart…” her mom reached out and gripped her hand as soon as she set her wine glass down. “I’m serious. After your father left and it was just us… I got used to being on my own. I liked it. But it’s not for everyone. I always thought you were so strong and independent, but there isn’t anything wrong with having those traits and finding someone who adores them in you.”
