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The frigid November air had never been more welcome than it was at the moment. Muffy hurried across the half-full parking lot to her car. It was an older sedan, a station wagon because she was notorious for dragging things home that couldn’t fit in the back of a regular car and driving a truck was too expensive and too inconvenient to park and station wagons were a dime a dozen.
At the moment, the rusty shitbox looked like heaven. She dove in just in time. The doors locked manually, so she slammed the lock down. She nearly screamed when she raised her eyes and found Pat standing there on the outside of the window.
“Was it something I said? I promise I’d let you finish first…”
Aaaarrrrgggggghhhhhhhhh!
Muffy’s inner panic button went off big time. Thanks, but no thanks, buddy. She started the car and floored it out of the parking space. It was a lucky thing there was no one parked in front of her because she might have run right up their ass if they had been. She didn’t stop until she was a good ten minutes away.
Finally, she pulled over.
“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” she moaned. She leaned forward and buried her face in her hands. She leaned against the steering wheel so hard that the horn went off, startling her. She jerked back, heart racing.
“Carla Anderson, you are totally a dead woman,” she muttered before she peeled back into traffic.
CHAPTER 4
Muffy
“If you want, I can set you up with my brother.” Carla’s wide blue eyes actually looked worried for once. She was giving Muffy one of those I might have fucked up bad looks. As soon as she’d heard about the date, Carla went into full-on sympathy mode. And Carla was never sympathetic when it came to men.
“Your brother! God no!” Muffy wrung her hands. “Do you have any idea how awful that date was?”
“Well, he seemed normal online.”
“Yeah, that’s online. On-fucking-line. You know about online. It’s full of scammers and twisted, sick individuals.”
“That’s going a little far.”
“Is it? Is it really, Car? Because that guy seriously looked like he lived in a trash can. He offered to climb me like a tree. A tree! Hmmmm! Does that sound harmless to you?”
Carla let out an uncharacteristic hmph sound.
“Yeah. That’s right. It was bad.”
“Well, there’s always Paul.”
“I am not going on a date with your brother.”
“But there was that time you got drunk and-”
“Don’t say it!” Muffy squeezed her eyes shut. This is so not happening. This is so not happening.
Carla muted the TV. She paused with the remote in her hand like she didn’t even realize it was there. Twinkletoes sat curled up in her lap, now sans-balls and quite indifferent about the whole ordeal after six days of getting used to the idea of having the extra space between his legs.
“But you said-”
“I was drunk. I drank like sixteen million drinks that you yourself insisted we drink. That talk about Paul was drunken rambling nonsense. Being with your brother would be like committing incest. We’ve been roommates for four years and we’ve known each other for seven. Your brother is now like family.”
“Incest,” Carla snickered. “It would not. Paul’s getting his shit together. He hasn’t taken a random girl home in weeks.”
“Thanks. That makes me feel so much better. Not going to happen. We both agreed we’d never date each other’s families.”
“Well, you just have sisters, so… yeah.”
Muffy sighed. “What are we going to do about the profile? We should delete it. Nothing good is going to come from being on there. I’m only going to go on horrible dates with crazy people who want to oil me up and lick me from head to toe.”
“Well, that doesn’t sound entirely awful.”
“Carla! He was gross! He didn’t look anything like his pictures. He wasn’t going to lick me in a sexy way. More like a straight creepy way then he’d probably pull out his peeper and piss on me.”
“Dear God, you think of some horrible things.”
“I know,” Muffy wailed. She sunk down on the couch beside Carla. As usual, she was watching some fashion program. Probably trying to scout out a new clothing line for the store. Only Carla could score an opportunity like that off a damn show.
“You only went on one date. I’ve been on plenty of bad dates. Why do you think I stopped going on them?”
“Thanks. That’s so encouraging. And it’s not like this is the first one.”
“No, what I mean is that you’re going to go on a few rotten ones but chances are, you’ll find a couple that are decent too.”
“Hopefully sooner rather than later.”
“You’ll find someone.”
“Remind me why I’m doing this again?”
Muffy reached over and began to stroke Twinkletoes’ back. His motor revved up big time. She loved the sound he made, like his purr was larger than life. Had he not purred much before he’d been rescued, and was he extra loud to make up for it? It was a sad thought and suddenly Muffy didn’t know if the burning at the bridge of her nose was for herself or the cat.
