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“Okay, let’s not say things either of us are going to regret.” Kyla steps between us, but her eyes linger on Taj for a moment too long before darting to me, and I wonder what the hell that’s about. Before I can convince myself to look further into it, I shove the thought away.
“I regret nothing I’ve said. All of it is true. He cares more about Christian being here than about the fact someone broke into our apartment.”
“The guy is a fucking lunatic, and I can’t believe you don’t see that. He threatened me.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever, Taj. I’m done fighting with you and done with this conversation.”
I don’t think any longer about the subject. I can’t. I won’t. Taj doesn’t care about me, and that’s a hard pill to swallow, but I’ll be damned if I beg him to give a shit. Not today, not ever.
Without warning, I turn on my heels and rush to the stairs. I need time and space, neither of which I will get standing in the living room arguing with him.
“Come on, Siân... Look, I’m sorry. Let’s talk about this,” Taj yells from the kitchen.
His words meet my ears just as I reach the top of the landing. A part of me wants to turn around and go talk to him, but I know better. Taj doesn’t care, not like he should.
“Stop, there’s no point right now.” I hear Kyla say, her voice quiet. Clearly, she doesn’t want me to hear what she’s saying. Otherwise, she would speak louder. “She’s mad, and so are you. It’s best if you guys give each other some space.”
It’s unlike Taj to listen to anyone. He’s very much the type that makes his own choices, so I expect him to shove past her and come rushing up the steps, but as I hold my breath, anticipating his next move, I hear him say. “Yeah, you’re right. We need some space and time to digest what just happened.” It’s completely unlike Taj to be so easily persuaded, but I ignore the warning sign blinking red in my mind.
I’m encompassed in my emotions and slowly drowning inside them. When I reach my bedroom, I close the door behind me and crash onto the bed. I can feel the tears forming behind my eyes, but crying is the last thing I want to do. An angry fire pumps through my veins. I want to make Taj see how wrong he was about tonight, but I can’t make him see something he doesn’t want to see. He doesn’t see he should care more about me than Christian’s presence. He doesn’t see that the only important thing to him should be me.
Maybe my reaction would be different if this was the first time, but it’s not. Taj has been showing me more and more that he doesn’t give a shit about me. Tonight just proved that further. Taj doesn’t love me. Taj wants to control me, and I refuse to be stuck under his thumb. I bury my face in the pillow and scream, unleashing all the pain. I’m nothing to him anymore, and that’s okay because he’s nothing to me either.
13
CHRISTIAN
I hate this fucking place but being here is a necessary evil.
Florida is nice when it’s warm, but I’ve been here nearly a month, and I’m already over it. Three and a half weeks I’ve been in town, and it’s rained or stormed fifty-five percent of the time. The only benefit to these dreary days is that it stays dark enough that I can go unnoticed.
After coming close to bashing Taj’s head through the wall about a week ago and being asked to leave by Siân, I kept my distance. I read somewhere that the easiest way to make someone miss you is to be the last thing they think about. I knew after showing up and being there for her, Siân would connect with me on a deeper level. That she’d be unable to deny that nagging urge to take those risks we’ve talked about. Knowing me, truly learning who I am, and understanding what she means to me would be the biggest risk of all. And with the way I stormed out of there, she won’t be able to get me off her mind.
Going so many days without talking to her only adds to that. Who am I? That is the question I’m sure she asks herself. I know because at least once a day she texts me, and I finally responded after ghosting her, as the kids would call it. Really, it’s just a stage in the plan to get me what I want—her, and the legacy I was promised.
To say it’s been hard would be an understatement. In the few short weeks that I’ve spent watching her, my obsession has grown. Tony was right, and I hate that shit. As much as we fight and talk shit to each other, he’s the one person to get a handle on me. They sent me here to secure the guns, and we did just that. Being by Siân’s side derailed the deal slightly, but I made up for it the following day. Father wasn’t too happy with me for delaying the process, but I never cared too much about what he thought.
