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He made me do it.
Kept pushing my buttons.
Wouldn’t fucking leave it alone.
But his harsh scowl faltered just as quickly as it came. Replaced by a wince. And a groan.
It wasn’t his fault.
He was trying to be good.
To please me.
Be my perfect little sub…
An agonized growl crawled up Max’s throat.
But, goddamn it, he did it too well. Too right.
Made me crave things I can’t fucking have.
Things I can’t want, not ever again.
He drew in a breath, then stilled completely, slammed by a fresh wave of anger. His raw gaze narrowed. His jaw muscle ticked.
Fuck him.
He disregarded my one hard limit.
Toyed with me.
Violated my trust.
His fists clenched so tight, his knuckles howled and blunt nails broke his skin. He needed to calm down. To control his breathing. Inhale. Exhale. He sighed and dropped his head.
Sean isn’t to blame.
He didn’t have a clue.
Didn’t know.
Doesn’t fucking understand.
A grimace of regret. A groan of remorse.
God, I was vicious.
So goddamn mean.
But I needed to be, in order to—
No.
No, I didn’t.
Not like that.
Not to my boy.
My a stór…
He covered his face as the shame descended.
I sliced him open.
Then watched him bleed out.
Jesus, I’m such a bastard.
Dropping his hands, he inhaled deep. Squared his broad shoulders. Set his jaw.
Gotta fix this.
Fucking have to.
Gotta apologize.
Make him see.
That I’m not a total—
Again, he halted his train of thought, reeling in bitter frustration.
No.
God, no.
That would only give him hope.
Justification to come back.
But he can’t.
Not ever.
He’s my one fucking weakness.
Could break me for good.
Chest squeezing painfully, he stared into the night.
But Christ, he’s so beautiful … Like my very own heaven, to treasure and maybe even—
“No,” Max bit out. “Never again.” The last time he let himself feel this way, what he got was his very own hell.
Out of nowhere, the image of a boy filled his head. Young and handsome and familiar.
Max sucked in a breath. Closed his eyes. “No. Not going there.”
But the floodgate had opened. More visuals assailed him, flashing like strobe-lights through his brain.
—Big, bright eyes—that teasing smile—those tender, curious lips—
Max froze like ice, heart hammering off its tracks. His lungs stopped working, too.
—Whispered promises—warm bodies—dreams—
He covered his eyes but still saw the onset. Violently, he started to shake.
—Trepidation—anxiety—ignorant insistence—
No. God, no. He knew what was next. A tortured groan rose up fast.
—Disbelief—outrage—urgency—panic—
—Realization—devastation——Oh, God! Nooo!!
Slammed by his demons, Max belted out a shout, knocking himself harshly from his nightmare. He gulped down air, wild-eyed and trembling. Then, weakly, he scrubbed his face.
Jesus fucking Christ.
Jesus fucking Christ.
No way. Not ever again.
Outside the window, a brief honk sounded, as if a horn had been unintentionally bumped. Max looked to the Jeep parked next to the curb, where Scott and Tad lay sprawled half inside. Kissing and laughing as the music played. As if all was fucking right in the world.
Max’s lip curled into a sneer as his eyes cooled to stone.
All was right.
Right as rain.
Because Sean was finally fucking gone.
Emotions back on lockdown, Max headed for a shower.
Back to business as usual.
TWENTY-FIVE
“Shit.” Tad glanced out Scott’s window. “They’re here.”
Scott chuckled at his expression. “You don’t sound happy about that.”
Tad rubbed his nape and looked Scott’s way. “Maybe I didn’t think this through enough. My friends—together—are a bunch of noobs. Kinda takes some getting used to. You sure you’re up to it?”
Scott grinned and sauntered over. “You sure that’s why you’re suddenly having second thoughts, shy boy?”
Tad shifted his weight. Crossed his arms. Scratched his neck. “Why else would I be having them?”
Scott’s smile spanned wider. Tad was too fucking cute. All nervous and disconcerted. “Oh, I dunno.” He pulled Tad against him. “Maybe ‘cause tonight’s the first time.”
“Oh, yeah… Right. Tonight’s the first time.” Tad met Scott’s gaze. He knew what Scott was talking about. Scott could see it his eyes. In that tiny little wince.
“Mmhmm.” Scott leaned in and brushed his lips to Tad’s. “They haven’t seen us together yet. But I think they’ll be cool.”
Tad slid his hands around Scott’s waist and pressed closer. “Define cool,” he murmured, angling his head to meet Scott’s mouth. “They might not be dickheads, but no fucking joke, Jay and Ned give new meaning to annoying.”
“Ah, well, annoying I can definitely handle. Max brings his own brand of that every day.”
A rap on the door sounded a few seconds later.
Tad groaned. “Promise you’ll still want me at the end of the night.”
Scott chuckled and smacked his ass. “Ah, babe. Of course I will. Ain’t nothing a good ole spanking can’t fix.”
Tad grinned and shot him a look as he headed for the foyer. “Dude. Think again. My ass is still sore from that paddle you took to it last night.”
Scott tamped back a laugh and squeezed his crotch. “Goddamn, that was fun. I’m getting hard just fucking thinking about it.”
Tad’s eyes flashed. “Me, too.” He paused to readjust his junk, then drew in deep and opened the door.
