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“I think you need to gain some self-confidence, Alicia. You’ve allowed your brother and Tony to hold you down for far too long. It doesn’t matter that Tony was your first.”
“But it makes things worse.”
“It shouldn’t. Did you love him when you slept with him?”
“Of course.”
“Then it shouldn’t matter, and obviously he is not the commitment kind. You need to move on and to realize that when you had sex with him and gave up your virginity you loved him. There were real feelings, true emotions, and it wasn’t just sex. People grow apart all the time. Throw in how much of a slimeball he turned out to be and you should really have no guilt or regrets. Let that go and move on. He isn’t right for you. He’s trouble.”
“I know that he is. It’s not like I have feelings for him still it’s just that between him and my brother they have this power over me. It makes me feel guilty and unable to make my own decisions.”
“But you left Dallas and you have been surviving on your own and accomplishing things solo without them. You’ve proven that you don’t need either man to survive. You don’t need any man to survive and succeed, Alicia, you just need confidence in yourself. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.”
“Then why when they call do I crumble? Why am I practically shaking and feeling like a child caught doing something naughty?”
“Because over the years they manipulated you, controlled you, and forced their demands on you. It’s one thing for your lover, your business partner to do those things and hurt you, but it’s another for your own brother to assist Tony. I know he’s the only family you have, Alicia, but he’s holding you down and keeping you from happiness, too.”
Alicia began to cry and Marlena felt her own eyes well up with tears. It wasn’t fair. Alicia was kind and sweet and she deserved better.
“Everything is going to be okay. You’ve got me, Adele, and Mercedes. We’d do anything for you just like you would do anything for us. You can’t let Tony and Alvin hold you down anymore. You can’t let them keep you from the things you want and desire. Like the store and Monroe, Max, and Caldwell.”
“Oh God, Marlena. Max, Monroe, and Caldwell can’t know about Tony and Alvin. God, they’ll think I’m weak and usable.”
“No, honey, they would probably react like me and feel angry at what your brother and Tony have been doing. The Gordon men seem like sincerely good men. Real men who put a woman first and who would care for and protect their woman. After all, they live here in Chance and you know how things work. The men protect the women. They stake a claim to be a woman’s guardian and then they are truly committed to her. They like you. I’m sure they’re waiting for you to let them know you feel the same things for them before they stake that claim. When that happens, Tony and Alvin won’t have the opportunity or the ability to hurt you anymore.”
“Oh how I wish what you say would come true. But I’m just too unsure, too scared right now to believe there’s any man out there that doesn’t want to hurt me or use me and control me. The perfect man seems like a fantasy.”
“But that’s not true. There are three perfect ones waiting until you’re ready. Confide in them. Let them in, Alicia, and everything else will fall into place. You’ll see.”
“I just don’t know if I’m capable of taking that chance.”
“Oh, I think you’re capable, you just need to let go a little and let them inside your heart, and everything else will happen naturally.”
Alicia looked unsure.
“Give it a try Monday at their house tomorrow. Continue to talk with them and have normal conversation and feel what’s right in front of you. As far as the business is concerned, talk about negotiating an agreement that makes you feel comfortable and still somewhat independent financially. It will all work out. I promise.”
Alicia smiled and hugged Marlena. “You’re my best friend, Marlena. Thank you.”
* * * *
Alicia was getting ready for work as usual. She smiled as she put on the light skirt and tank top along with her tennis sneakers. She added the light green blouse and then turned side to side to see how she looked in the mirror. She smiled then thought about Monroe, Caldwell, and Max. They had been so sweet and conversational all week.
She learned more about them and even talked to their mom on a Skype call as she teased Monroe about his need for a haircut. It was funny, but their mom really seemed to care about them a
nd she was surprised at the envious feeling she had.
Her parents weren’t exactly the nicest people. They always struggled with money, fought a lot and complained that they never should have had children. Alicia realized pretty quickly that no matter how much she tried to show them love, her parents didn’t reciprocate. Her brother was older, and pushed for all the attention. He wasn’t happy either but her parents favored him over her. She never really got over that or how Alvin held it over her head. He would tell her that he would share things with her that their parents only gave him. When her father had an accident at work and was off his feet and their mom was working, Alicia took care of him, but even that didn’t gain the man’s love. She realized by eighteen that she needed to do things for herself and start making money and saving money. She did that.
She felt the tears in her eyes. Alvin gave her some money here and there. Nothing big, maybe fifty dollars or a twenty, but it was her who went to college, paid for it, worked two jobs and succeeded.
Alvin had it in his head that when their parents died he would get some sort of inheritance. So he didn’t work hard or try to make it on his own. When her parents passed away in a car accident all Alvin worried about was this money he thought they had left him. Turned out, any money they had, which was little was used to cover funeral costs and to fix up their small house to sell and get back taxes on.
Alicia remembered thinking that she was finally rid of the sadness, the feelings of inadequacy and not growing up with love and support. She remained close to Alvin despite his negative attitude and he even introduced her to his best friend Tony.
That had been the biggest mistake of her life. Believing Tony’s lies, his sincerity and interest in her. He played her like a fiddle and in the end she was broken. Still broken now.
She wiped the tear that rolled down her cheek and looked at herself in the mirror.
