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“I wish I was normal. I wish none of what happened, happened. I wish I never let Cameron hit me, talk down to me, and control me. I wish I could let go of the fear of men. I want safety and security, beside companionship and trust.”
“So do I,” Shelby said.
“Then how the hell can we get that if we can’t let go of the fear and of the negative experiences? I don’t want to flinch when I hear a deep male voice, or if Hunter, C.J., or York are close to me. I wish I could be friends with them and try to figure out if they’re for real or if, like you said, I’m making them into something they’re not.”
“That’s something I can’t answer because I don’t know, but I’m not interested in engaging in anything right now. I’m working, I’m trying to establish a feeling of independence, and being shared by three men will take everything I’ve worked so hard for completely away from me.”
Caroline was quiet. She didn’t know if her sister was right or wrong, but she knew she didn’t want to feel fear or pain ever again. She couldn’t help but to think being in Hunter’s arms, so big and strong, would help to ease that fear. Was he for real, or were his brothers and him just another route to feeling pain and failure once again? She didn’t know, but she felt this tightness in her heart as her mind whispered that they weren’t bad men and that she should let them in. Could she let down her guard and do so? And if they hurt her, then what? She exhaled as they walked in silence. She wondered if she and her sister could really find happiness in Chance, or would they always feel so isolated and afraid?
Chapter 5
Caroline was smiling as she spoke to Mrs. Murphy about her homemade zucchini bread.
“I almost couldn’t make them this year. Some hoodlum kids tried to sabotage my garden.”
Caroline smiled. “But they weren’t successful.”
The older lady with the gray hair but firm, strong expression raised one eyebrow up and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “No they weren’t and no thanks to any lawmen,” she said, looking past Caroline.
As Caroline turned to look, she felt the hands on her waist and the large presence behind her and locked gazes with C.J. and then York.
“Mrs. Murphy, we couldn’t wait to come over and buy some of your zucchini bread. I see you met Caroline.”
C.J. ran his hand along her waist and kept it there. She froze in place. She felt the heat move through her body and for some reason she didn’t pull away, but instead calmly looked at Mrs. Murphy.
“That’
s the least you could do considering you and the rest of them deputies never found them hoodlum boys.”
“Now, now, Mrs. Murphy, I think you scared them way out of Chance. They never came back to your place now did they?” C.J. asked, and Caroline saw York smiling and heard him chuckle as he looked at the display of breads and then winked at Caroline.
“Harumph.” Mrs. Murphy was exasperated with them and gave them the evil eye. Now Caroline chuckled.
“Well, I’m going to take two of them. They’re delicious and it sounds like a lot of hard work to make them from scratch.” Caroline pressed away from C.J. to take out her money.
“We got it, doll,” York told her and then asked Mrs. Murphy for six loaves. She smiled at him and then gave him a wink.
“You’re so sweet, York. Where’s that brother, Hunter, the giant one? He loves these, too, or at least always did,” she said to him.
“He’s around, and why I’m buying six loaves,” York told her and winked. He was being a flirt and Mrs. Murphy was eating it up. They were both so kind and Caroline had such a funny feeling in her belly. Especially because now C.J. took her hand as they walked away from the table. She pulled her fingers from his and looked around, trying to ignore them. She didn’t know what to say and they remained on either side of her.
“Have you tried Macy’s peach cobbler yet?” York asked her, and she looked up at him and shook her head.
“Well, it’s delicious and she also makes it into an ice cream. Want to get some and then sit for a little bit?” C.J. asked her.
“I don’t know. I was only coming by the market for a little bit.”
“You have plans for the rest of the day?”
“Not really. Well maybe with Shelby,” she added after realizing she was giving them an opportunity to spend more time with her. Did she want that? It wasn’t right. She had no right to even considering letting her guard down.
C.J. ran his hand up and down her arm. She tightened as he held her gaze. “Friends first, remember?” he asked her.
She took a deep breath and looked up at York. He had thick, wide shoulders and such a firm commanding expression. It unnerved her but also attracted her to him. He nodded.
“For a little while,” she added and C.J. smiled.
“Come on then,” he said and went to take her hand but she pulled it away and instead he guided her by her lower back. As they walked through the market, they saw a few of their friends and some people she now knew from town, including Eliza Grace, who was cousins with the Pace brothers.
