AllFreeNovel
Share Us
She knew what the doc would tell her. If the nightmares kept up, if this pessimistic way of thinking took over her thoughts, she would be headed to a nervous breakdown.
As much as she wanted to push away her feelings toward the men, the more she felt she needed them and especially right now. Every negative thought that was running in circles through her mind eventually ended with thoughts of Charlie, Trevor, and Dante. In her dreams, on good nights, they always saved her from harm. She couldn’t confide in the men she loved so deeply. And she did love them and she wondered if she were stupid and naive to feel so strongly about them so soon.
She would be giving in to her own weaknesses, sharing her every fear and thought with them. Could they be trusted? Would they turn out to be the biggest mistake of her life? Then she thought about their smiles, their embrace, the smell of their cologne and each of their personalities. Handling one would be difficult but handling three could be disastrous. The emotions didn’t les
sen in their absence. It seemed to grow stronger and soon led her to thinking about their lips and the way they felt pressed against hers. When they kissed her, she was lost in the moment, the sensations that heated her body, ignited something huge inside of her that she never knew existed.
“Grrrrrrr.” Lori shook her head and banged her fist on the steering wheel. She was driving herself crazy. Why couldn’t she just put the past behind her, look ahead to the future, and see the positives in life?
I’m scared. Damn it, for the first time in my life, I’m scared for myself. Any decision I make will affect me.
She had been so worried about everyone else. She never had time to worry about herself. She had Ben and Maggie, even her parents to worry about while she was on the run. Now there was nothing and no one to be hiding from and still Lori wanted to run. Just keep running, hide, and be safe.
She parked her car in front of Dr. Henley’s office. He was at the door waiting for her, welcoming her inside.
“I made a fresh pot of coffee, want some?” he asked her, and she watched him as he poured some of the hot beverage into a dark green mug. He was wearing blue jeans and a T-shirt and Lori realized it was Sunday, his day off.
“I’m sorry my father called you. We didn’t have to get together today, it’s Sunday.”
“Nonsense, Lori, it sounded like a pretty serious situation. Your father said they were about to call for an ambulance. Come into the examination room and let’s check you over.”
Lori followed him into the room as he put the green mug down onto the counter and grabbed his stethoscope and proceeded. Then he took her blood pressure and everything seemed to be fine.
She explained how she finally woke up and what Maggie had told her.
“Has this ever happened before, Lori?”
“No, Doc, I told you this was a first. I don’t think it’s anything to worry about really. I’m fine, I woke up, I’m breathing, and it’s Sunday, your day off with your family.”
Lori slid down off of the examination table as if saying the discussion was over and that was final. Andrew didn’t allow it as he took Lori’s hand.
“Not so fast, kid. I’m concerned. This could get worse, Lori. Do you think you’re too young to have a heart attack, a mental breakdown, or something? Because I’ll tell you, you’re not too young. You have had various stressful events in your life. Do you know that when a police officer or someone in law enforcement shoots someone, they’re taken off of active duty and given a desk job for a while as they receive counseling?”
She shook her head.
“Don’t. Don’t talk to me about that and about remembering. I don’t want to.” She tried to walk away but he stopped her.
“Lori, please, hear me out. I’m going to tell you what I think. You need to get your feelings out. You’re holding too much inside. The emotions, the guilt, the pressure of succeeding in college, the fear of getting close to someone and becoming accessible and susceptible to getting hurt. These events and circumstances are what life is all about. By just simply acknowledging that they exist, admitting that you’re afraid, welcoming these events as a challenge, a fact of life, then you’ll survive. Some things you’ll ease on through and others you’ll go ‘bumpety, bump,’ the whole way through. But, by holding them inside, by always trying to stay in control of everything in your life, you are going to flat out lose it. Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m not just your physician, I’m your friend and your neighbor, and I care about you.”
“How could you get all that from a bad dream and a loss of breath?” Lori asked, trying to lighten things up.
“Honey, it’s more than that. You are more than that. Do you realize how many lives you have already touched in this town alone? You’re a sweet, kind, gentle, and strong person. You give constantly of yourself to others. You know just the right thing to say and it’s all natural. Now this is what I suggest you do. Take some alone time. Just organize your thoughts and feelings. Prioritize everything that is going on in your life and eliminate the stress. There’s always counseling, Lori.”
“I don’t think so. Listen, Doc, I know and understand what you’re saying and I’ll try, I want to try, I don’t want to be afraid.”
“There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s nothing wrong with being afraid. If you keep everything inside and you keep this pace up, eventually you’re going to burn out.”
“Do you really think what happened to me this morning is serious?”
“It could be if you don’t slow things down. There are multiple culprits here.”
“I know that, I really do. I appreciate you meeting me here on your day off. I really didn’t want to go to the emergency room. I guess I scared everyone, huh?”
“You sure did, but I’m glad you’re feeling better, and as far as I can tell, you’re physically fine. If you feel stressed and you’re having trouble breathing, just try to relax and stay calm. Sit down or get a brown paper bag to breathe into.”
“Doc, it only happens when I’m sleeping. I’ve been able to wake up before on my own.”
“So this has happened before?”
