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She nodded.
He stared down into her eyes and he was overwhelmed with feelings of protectiveness for her. He’d never wanted to take away someone else’s pain like he did for Malayna.
“You’re so beautiful. You can do anything you want to do. You have the world at your feet, especially with a father like Nicolai.”
She looked down and pressed her hands against his chest. She played with the front of his sweatshirt.
“I’m not normal, Border.”
He squinted at her.
“I’m tainted by violence and pain. I’m older than twenty-two mentally, emotionally. I feel weak.”
“Because you fought to stay alive.”
“Because I was forced to obey the commands of two men who wanted revenge against a father I didn’t even know existed. I gave all my fight, my patience, and my control for three years. I feel spent, tired, weak, Border. I can’t even stop myself from remembering the pain, the abuse, and the treatment. I’m haunted by them and I fear it will be forever.”
He pulled her closer and pressed her head against his chest.
“It doesn’t have to be, Malayna. Listen to me. I know all too well the fear you have. I’ve experienced violence, imprisonment, and abuse firsthand. I’ve done things, been a victim of things I wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain to you. I learned that it’s better not to ever forget, so that you can never become that victim again. You need to empower yourself, Malayna. You need to find the good feelings, the ones that overpower those bad ones and eventually those nightmares will disappear. Just know that you’re not alone. You have your father, Nalia, her men, and Karlicov, too.”
“What about you, and the team?” she asked.
His heart pounded inside of his chest.
“I’m here with you now. The others are, too. We’ll help you any way we can.”
“Maybe I can help you, too? You know, to forget the bad things.”
He was touched by her offer.
“I’m scarred too deep for healing, Malayna.”
“I don’t believe that’s true. I think you just need to have someone who shares the same fears and emotions like you do. I already feel a lot better talking with you, Border. I’m going to take your advice and focus on the positives and stop giving so much energy to the fears.”
She leaned up on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. When she didn’t pull back right away and he stared at her lips, he felt compelled to kiss her. But that decision would cause a whole lot of trouble. She held his gaze and didn’t move back. She was giving him the opportunity to kiss her but the fear that she was so young bothered him.
“Well, I should get moving and you should start painting. I want to see some color on that thing when I get back,” he said and stepped away from her, releasing his hold. He instantly felt the emptiness inside his heart. Her eyes held his gaze.
“Okay, Border, but maybe next time we wake up really early, I could go with you for that run,” she said and he gave her a wink and then headed out the door. He hadn’t expected to see Star standing there with his arms crossed in front of his chest and one of his eyebrows raised.
“What were you doing?”
“Talking.”
“You nearly kissed her.”
“She’s pretty hard to resist.”
“Well, resist her. We can’t give her what she needs. We’re too banged up and way older than her. She’s twenty-one years old, practically a baby. Nicolai won’t approve.”
Border glanced back at the studio and then to Star. “A baby? Not even fucking close. Maybe Nicolai would approve. We spent the last three years searching for her in between missions.”
“Perhaps you’re misconstruing a responsibility with someone who became an obsession to find? We’re soldiers, and we put our eyes on the mission, the target, and we accomplish it and move on. This is no different,”
Border glanced back at the studio then at Star.
“She makes me feel different.” Border pulled up his hood and headed down the hallway and toward the back door for a run. But before he turned the corner he saw Star staring at Malayna as he stood in the doorway.
