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All I can do is drunkenly follow him to the car that’s waiting out front, and, as stupid as it may sound, when we take off and the tires screech down the silent streets, only one thought haunts my mind…
Haze Adams just called me his girlfriend.
13
Dark Secrets
“What the hell was that for?” I blurt, my head spinning a bit more with every angry turn Haze takes.
“Are you serious right now? Bastard was going to kiss you. I can’t believe you would do that to me.” His hands are wrapped so tightly around the steering wheel that his knuckles are white as snow.
“Excuse me?” I scoff. “Just yesterday, you wanted nothing to do with me, remember? You wanted to have sex, sure, but then you decided you’d rather walk out on me than talk about freaking commitment. You have no right to give a damn who I kiss, Haze. None.”
I feel
the tears threaten to fall, and as much as I want to stop them, I can’t. When he sees the water spilling out of my eyes, his anger decreases.
“Winter, I…”
“You what? What else are you going to say to hurt me? Haven’t you done enough? Just when I think about all these times when you disappeared on me for weeks when you knew I was falling for you. Or all the times you refused to tell me anything slightly personal about you. Or the time you went to see Bianca the day after you…” A sob cuts me off. “God, I’ve been such an idiot. To think that you cared for me.”
I hate drunk Winter. She’s so loud and sensitive.
I wipe the tears away from my cheeks with my sleeve and curse myself for not wearing waterproof mascara today. I should’ve known this would be a crying day just from the way it started.
“Screw this,” he says, pulls over to the side of the highway and parks the car. Great, he stopped so we can argue better.
“Please leave me alone. I really don’t want to talk to you.” I sob.
“Fine. Then just listen.” He sighs. “You’re right. I’m a piece of shit. I’ve been acting like a royal dick, and I’m sorry. I really am. I’m sorry that I suck so much. But you have to know… I do care about you, Winter.”
I can’t fight the need to look at him, turning my head and regretting it right away. His blue eyes cut me even deeper.
“I care about you so much that I wanted to rip that guy’s head off just for being close to you. Just the thought of him…” He takes a breath to calm himself down. “It drives me insane. I don’t want you with anybody else. Can’t you see that? Please stop crying.” He winces and looks away. He can’t stand to see me like this. Well, good. Because these tears are his fault.
“So what? I can’t flirt with other people, but you can? That’s why you don’t want to be exclusive, isn’t it? Because you want to keep sleeping around?”
“What?” His face twitches in frustration. “No, that’s not it. Not even close.”
“Then what? What is it? Why would you tell me that you love me only to reject me like this? Why did you leave me alone last night?”
“Because I’m afraid. No, I’m fucking terrified, Winter.” He raises his voice, and I’m surprised by the brutal honesty he’s finally giving me.
“Afraid of what? Of being my boyfriend? Well, don’t you worry about that, Haze. There’s no chance you might see that happening anymore.”
“Don’t say that,” he pleads, reaching for my hand that’s resting on my thigh. I move it away. To think that I would’ve done anything to hear him say that he cared just yesterday. Now it all sounds wrong. He doesn’t speak for a short while, his breathing all I can hear.
“Kingston…” he whispers, and my heart breaks all over again. That damn nickname.
“Don’t call me that. You can’t keep playing with my feelings. You can’t keep acting this way when you made it clear that you don’t want to be with me. Why did you call me your girlfriend just when it’s convenient for you? Are you punishing me for trying to move on? Why did you punch this guy?”
“Because you’re fucking mine!”
An impenetrable silence fills up the car.
I can’t speak. I can’t breathe. I can’t think.
All I can do is play the words he just said to me on repeat. I know I should tell him that I don’t belong to anyone. That I’m not his. But I can’t. I loved hearing him say that. And I hate myself for it… but I want him to say it again.
