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“I’m so sorry. I have to take this. It’s the babysitter.” She picks up and distances herself from us.
Only in that moment does it hit me.
Only then do I realize that this is real.
Haze has a kid.
From now on, she’s back into his life.
They’re back into his life.
He’ll see Riley frequently, probably trying to make up for the lost time with his child. It’ll never be just me and Haze in this relationship ever again. It’ll be me, Riley, Haze, and their kid.
Even if Haze and I do have a family someday, it won’t be his first time. We won’t get to experience that together.
And things will never truly be the same after today…
We’ve been driving in silence for the past ten minutes. I’ve wanted to ask him a million questions from the very moment we left the coffee place but thought he could use a second. He’s still upset. I’ve been holding his hand in the hope of bringing him a tiny bit of comfort. So many options have been bugging me. Maybe she lost the baby.
But then, why did she say the babysitter was calling? I doubt that she had a kid with someone else after she skipped town.
“There were two of them,” he finally says when he pulls up into the driveway of the lake house.
I wait for him to carry on, my mind sticking to the word were.
“Twins. One of them died at birth.”
I hold my breath.
“I wasn’t there. Because I was too stupid to be responsible.” He clenches his jaw. “I wasn’t there when my sons needed me.”
Sons. Plural. That means he has a baby boy right now.
“Stop. You were so young, Haze. Do you realize how much of a big step having a child is? She ran away after she promised to get an abortion. How could you know that she didn’t?”
“I should’ve looked. I should’ve been there. I left them like a coward.” He kills the engine and turns to me. “My son’s two. His name’s Jacob, and he’s never had a dad.”
I don’t know how I feel about this, but it doesn’t matter. How I feel isn’t important. Haze is the priority right now. When we get out of the car and step inside the house, I give him a hug. He’s so tall I have to get on my tiptoes to wrap my arms around his shoulders.
“It wasn’t your fault, okay?”
He holds me tighter.
When we let go, I ask him the burning question.
“When are you going to meet him?”
“Two days.”
He proceeds to tell me all about his son like he’s memorized every single detail Riley’s shared with him. Apparently, the kid’s a genius for his age, his mother calls him Jake, and he’s terrified of Santa. We spend the rest of the night sitting on the couch and talking about everything but the one topic driving me crazy: What does this mean for us? I glance at the time on my phone and know that the day Haze meets his child will be here before we know it. And I’ll never say it to him…
But I’ve never been so afraid of the clock ticking.
I watch my boyfriend pace back and forth around the house and have no choice but to admit my attempts at calming him down are useless. He hasn’t stopped thinking about meeting his son since Riley told him about his existence. She just texted him that she’s on her way, and he can’t control his nerves.
I’ve never seen him like this.
“Haze, calm down. It’s going to be okay,” I say softly.
