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misery bounces off the walls, sucking and crushing every ounce of happiness from your soul? One bed empties, another fills up. This one comes and this one goes, a reminder of the cycle we’ll never escape. In the end, the majority of us end up here. Between beeping machines and nauseating white walls.
That’s why you have to make sure the story you lived is better than the way it ends.
Spending so much time at the hospital during these past few days has made me reconsider what I want out of my years on this earth. I want to live, not just be alive. I want to seize the moment while it’s here and look back upon my choices with no regrets.
When I get home… I’m going to tell Haze how much I love him. I’ll tell him that I never stopped. I should’ve told him in the car earlier, but I chickened out, afraid that I was forgiving him too soon. I passed a devastated family on my way in, heard them cry over their lost kid, watched them fall apart for someone who ran out of time. I’m done wasting mine.
My gaze jolts up at the nurse entering the room. Jay’s hand grows firm around mine. The forty-year-old woman beckons to come closer, which we do without so much as a second thought. We offer grateful looks to Will, Kass, Kendrick, and Alex. They’re all here. Allie had to work, but she’ll be joining us in a few hours. There’s no way Kendrick and Kass will be allowed to visit him today, but they’re okay with that. Harry might be their uncle, but Jay and I need our dad most of all.
My father’s parents decided it was too much for Maika to handle at the moment. What good would seeing her father on the verge of death do? I don’t even know if someone’s had the “death” talk with her yet.
Heading toward the woman who holds my entire world in the palm of her hand, I combat my nerves.
“No improvement,” the nurse says regretfully. “Still no sign of anyone who matches the hit-and-run description either. He’s in the same state as he was a few days ago, but you can go see him.”
Linking our arms together, we walk toward the room that’s been assigned to our father and give the door a strong push. When I see him lying there, lifeless—gone—it’s like every drop of courage and strength I worked so hard to gain is squeezed out of me all at once. My teary eyes overflow and I’m crying before I can make it to his side. I enclose his hand with mine. He’s cold. Not dead cold, but colder than he’s ever been before. He’s pale, too, almost ghostly, and the only sign that he’s still alive is the recurrent beeping of the machine monitoring his heartbeat.
I wish I could say how much time we spent with him, talking about the most mundane of things, telling him how much we miss him, but it felt so unbearably long and disturbingly short at the same time. Jaden confessed to stealing Dad’s favorite pen when he was a kid, and even in a moment as shitty as this one, we laughed—truly. We could only imagine what he would say if he were awake. He’d most likely make a joke out of it and hug us. He’d be the great dad he’s always been.
“Time’s up.” A nurse pops her head into the doorway.
“Come back to us, Dad. We love you,” Jay whispers before we’re both escorted out. When we step back into the packed waiting room, I dare assume that I’ve been through the hardest part of my day. Apparently, the universe disagrees.
Lauren is awaiting us, sitting with her arms and legs crossed, designer bag by her side. She has no idea that Haze showed me the recording, that I know everything. This woman is not my mother. She’s a monster. She forces a smile and lifts to her feet at the sight of us.
“My babies.” She wraps her arms around us, and I cringe. Jaden, who hasn’t a single clue as to what she said, hugs her back, although still angry about her disappearing act.
“What are you doing here?” I pull away.
“What do you mean? I’m here to see your father. Why else?”
“Why weren’t you here yesterday?” Jay spits defensively.
“I thought your grandparents told you, honey. I was completely devastated. I… I needed some time,” she lies, false pain twisting her features. “But I’m here now. I’m here to see your dad and take my baby boy home.”
My teeth clench.
Hell no.
Jay eyes her with uncertainty.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I say.
Her fake smile is slapped off her face and replaced by a frown. Long gone is the nice caring mom when her true colors burst out to play.
“Is that so? Care to tell me why?”
It takes everything in me not to throw it all in her face. To spill about the recording, just to see her façade shatter before my eyes, but I bite my tongue to keep from slipping. We can use her ignorance to our advantage. This could be an asset one day.
“Well, you work a lot, and I only have school a few times a week,” is the lame answer I settle for.
“So? He’ll be in school while I’m working.” She fails to conceal the bitterness stuffing her words. “Plus, he needs to be with his mother right now.”
Jay gives me a pleading look, one that says, “Please, don’t let her take me.”
“Not to mention that I’m his legal guardian, but I’m sure I don’t need to remind you.” Her smile grows.
My hands roll into fists. I’m completely helpless against her. She’s right. The law wants Jay with his parent, not his sister.
