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And this was where my mixed feelings came in. Recently, I had to admit I didn’t feel happy. Maybe I was distracted by the wedding planning, or our move to Europe. All I knew was that I needed a change. And I was hoping London was going to provide it.
“So you want to stay in L.A.? For your work?” Jacob said.
“There may be a world in which I do that,” I said.
“The world in which you tell me what made you walk out on your dress fitting?”
We reached the main strip of Graton, which wasn’t really a strip at all, just two restaurants across the street from each other. But they were great restaurants, farm-fresh food from the gardens behind them. Spaghetti nights on Monday. With all the great food in Los Angeles, I still missed spaghetti on Monday.
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“You tell me first,” I said.
“About my botched wedding?” He shrugged. “My fiancé would say that she felt like I prioritized my work over her. We were getting married at City Hall, the week before we headed out here. Just a couple of friends and family at this restaurant in Tribeca afterward. Then, the morning of the wedding, she said that she didn’t want to get married the way we were getting married. That she wanted a wedding that counted more, with a fancy dress and a ten-piece band and an expensive cake.”
“You don’t buy it?”
“She hates cake.”
We passed through the entire town and were heading up the hill in the direction of my parents’ house.
He paused. “We weren’t in a good place,” he said. “And it’s hard to get married when you’re not in a good place. It feels fake.”
That I could relate to. It was what made me sad about finding out about Maddie the way I had. It would be locked in with the wedding, what I knew about Ben, what Ben had left out about himself.
“Do you guys still talk?” I said.
He pointed back in the direction of town, pointing out a house over on State Street, a barn to the side. “We live there,” he said.
“You guys are still together?”
He nodded. “Yep. We are still together. Very much so.”
I started doing the math in my head. He had a girlfriend he’d referred to at the bar: a free-spirited, vegan type.
“She’s the one who loves chia?”
“She’s the one who loves chia.”
It was blocking me up, reconciling the two things about her that Jacob had shared. “The one who wants a big, fancy wedding?”
He nodded. “We are all complicated people,” he said.
There was that word again, used as an excuse, used to justify something that felt like love.
He smiled. “As are you, I’m guessing.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know Ms. L.A. Law, but you seem pretty connected to Sonoma County. Unless that’s your thing, storming into people’s offices and demanding they not steal your home?”
“Very funny.”
“Just saying . . . building a life so far away from a place you love so much? That’s complicated.”
I smiled, a bit surprised at the insight.
“Lee, that’s my girlfriend, doesn’t like it here so much,” he said. “I was hoping you could help with that? Show her what makes it so great.”
