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The arousal awakened inside me unbidden, uncontrollable under the devouring mouth of my laird. How is it that a kiss could make me forget my shame and hatred? I will never know. But it did make me forget. With his lips plundering mine, I forgot everything but his kiss. And I was made so dizzied by it, so pliant, that I actually arched up to him when his hand groped openly for my breast. He wouldn’t be gentle with me; I couldn’t expect him to be. But a part of me didn’t want him to be.
His big, strong, calloused and scarred warrior’s hand squeezed the soft pale skin of my breast, nearly crushing it, and the pain and the arousal mixed so surprisingly that I yelped. When I did, the laird barked at his men. “Out. You’ve seen enough for now.”
Davy chuckled. “Ye tease like a woman, my laird. I suppose I’ll just have to look forward to my turn with the lass.” He winked at me, then strode out the door.
Malcolm said nothing, but narrowed his eyes lustfully as he passed, a sword swinging heavily at his hip. Finally, Ian made his way out, slamming the heavy wooden door behind him with a thud. I hadn’t wanted them to be in the room but as soon as they were gone, I felt a thrill of fear.
What did the laird want to do to me that he wouldn’t want witnessed?
~~~
We were alone in the laird’s bed chambers, in the lord’s bed, and my naked body nearly tingled with anticipation. My skin delighted in the sensation of the soft coverlet beneath me, and the warmth of the laird’s muscular body hovering over me.
He would lower himself down onto me now, perhaps shove my legs apart to begin the rutting. He would take what he had bargained for. I told myself that he would have my submission and my maidenhood, too.
Instead, the bed shifted underneath us as he reached to pull the coverlet over me. Then he sat up, squeezing at the back of his neck. And I waited…and waited…until he said, “You can cover yourself, lass.”
He hadn’t phrased it as a command, but I took it as one, shyly clutching at the coverlet over my hard, aching nipples. Confusion reigned. “Have I displeased you, my laird?”
His head came up. “Displeased me? No. To the contrary, bonnie lass. But I felt you shiver beneath me; I’ve plainly scared ye out of yer wits.”
I was shivering, that much was true, but I wasn’t entirely sure fear was the only cause of it. Besides, I had the pride of a Scotswoman, so I said, “I’m not afraid.”
“You likely should be,” he said, with a low growl that sounded predatory to my ears. But instead of coming closer, he rolled from the bed to fetch my discarded sleeping gown. “Here. Put it on. I shouldn’t have torn it.”
More confused than before, I murmured, “It was your gown to tear.”
“Aye, it was. But you might think me less of a monster if I’d merely asked you to take it off.”
I did think he was a monster. How could I not? He’d nearly killed my father and he’d already shamed me without even touching me. Or at least, without touching me much. I still felt the imprint of his hand on my breast and some part of me ached still to have him put it back. How could my body be at such odds with my heart and mind? Under the laird’s gaze, all I could think to say was, “I can mend it, if you like.”
He sat beside me and the fire lit up the contours of his rugged face. “Mend what?”
“The sleeping gown,” I said, softly. “I can sew, ye ken.”
“That’s not what I want you to be seen doing,” he replied, then waited, expectantly, for me to pull the gown over myself.
I hesitated. “Does this mean…you don’t want me?”
He laughed a bitter laugh. “Oh, I want you, lass. Am sorely tempted to prove it, too. Have wanted to from the first moment I saw you run to fetch me water those years ago. You had the long legs of a colt, and tended to me with such gentleness that I wanted your hands on me everywhere.” So then he did remember me; my mouth went dry at the realization. “Alas, now what I want most is to ruin you.”
My temper flared to hear it. “What kind of monster wants to ruin a simple crofter’s girl who has never done anything but honor and obey her laird?”
He frowned. “The kind who is the constable of a castle keep often under siege. The kind who needs to keep the rebellious men of his clan—including his closest cousin—in line. Your father defied me, and he isn’t the first to do so. There are whispers that I haven’t enough Macrea blood on account of my mother’s origins. My leniency has only encouraged disobedience from men like your father. I would’ve taken your father’s life to make of him a lesson to others, but you pleaded with me for mercy. So I needed to take something else from him. His daughter. His honor. His pride. You are to be the lesson. Let every rebellious man in the clan fear their laird will do to their daughters what I’ve done to you, and they’ll obey.”
He said it with such satisfaction, my temper flared again and I pulled the sleeping gown over my nudity. Perhaps he didn’t want to see the body he intended to claim; perhaps he thought it would be easier for me if he just lifted the hem and took what he wanted. I should’ve stayed silent, but my anger at his diabolical plan forced the words between my teeth. “They’ll think you’re a monster, too, is what they’ll think.?
??
“Aye, maybe I am,” he said, kicking off his boots. “But not monster enough to force an unwilling girl. So rest easy on your pillow, lass. We’ll share a bed tonight, but nothing more.”
I blinked, confused again. “I don’t understand.”
He pulled off his plaid, then lay back in the bed in nothing but his white linen shirt, one well-muscled arm behind his head. “I don’t have to force you to ruin you, lass. That’s why I wanted witnesses. My men will all be able to say they saw me make a whore of you. They saw you naked and on my bed, my mouth on yours, my hands on your body. They can swear that on a bible if need be. But you can keep your maidenhead and your purity in God’s eyes. I won’t be taking either tonight.”
The wrenching I felt inside myself was both shock and an internal war. I was relieved at the reprieve I’d been granted. But another part of me—the part that had tingled with anticipation of the laird’s body atop mine—howled with protest.
I couldn’t have actually wanted him to do all the shameful things that he promised, could I? No. And yet…
