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“Ask him why he holds himself back and if he won’t answer, then tell him you won’t be around until he does,” he says, and it seems really cruel.
I tell him that and he shrugs his shoulders, I know he’s trying to help but I don’t agree with manipulation. I give him a quick hug which causes another blush, before going back to the girls and an annoyed looking Bella.
“Fuck my life, it’s Mattias isn’t it. Oh honey, if you want to go with him you’ll need to do the asking, he’s ridiculously shy bless his heart.”
It’s her turn to blush now, before she excuses herself and runs off. Why do we do this to ourselves? I think with a laugh, and Roxie stares at me as if I’ve finally lost the plot.
I find Noah sitting on the floor by my door when I get back and Elijah and Amias leaning against the wall. and my heart is aching.The real reason I’m avoiding them, is because I’ve finally figured out how I feel and it’s terrifying. I’m falling for all three of them, well I’m falling for two, I’ve already fallen for Noah.
“What are you doing here?” I sigh heavily, I’m not annoyed but I don’t know if I’m ready to speak to them yet.
“You haven’t spoken to us since you booted us out of your room, I miss you Leighbear,” his voice is soft and I want to wrap my arms around him and lose myself in his kisses, but that isn’t going to happen.
“Can I be honest with you? It isn’t easy for me to say though, so I’ll need you to bear with me,” I say as I open my door and he follows me in.
He sits down and waits for me to start, I’m about to fuck everything up and I still don’t understand how having multiple boyfriends would even work.
“I’ve been feeling sorry for myself because I haven’t been able to stop all this bad crap with the Shepherds from happening. And part of that is because I know I deserve this and a lot worse. When Elijah said it wouldn’t scar it made me angry, is he only interested in me because I’m attractive. His nicknames have the tendency to compliment my looks and not much else.”
Dragging my hand through my hair as I pace back and forth, Noah is suddenly standing before me and taking my hands in his.
“I say this way too much, but I can’t be with anyone not yet at least. But I think I’m falling for you guys, I know I’ve fallen quite hard for one of you already and it’s messing with my head. If I have to choose one day, I will lose the only people stubborn enough to keep bugging me until I let you stick around. How can I risk what I have with you guys?” I don’t hide my fear or try to mask the crack in my voice, I feel strongly about this and they need to know this too.
“Henleigh, I don’t want to know who you have fallen for. I don’t think any of us want to know that right now, but Lija doesn’t care about the way you look. He’s a little vain and likes pretty things sure, but he wants you because of the way you are. He doesn’t do serious yet he’s going to take you home to meet his parents, that isn’t vanity.” I look at Elijah and I can see the truth in Noah’s words, it isn’t just looks for him, and I hate that I ever accused him of that. “Amias has had a hard life so far, but he’s adaptable. There’s nothing to say he won’t change his mind later on.” Amias doesn’t looked convinced by this statement but he’s here, that has to mean something. “As for me, there’s something I need to tell you. So, what if you come to the dance with Lija and me, and the morning after I’ll tell you the reason I close myself off and why I’m hard to reach when I get home.” He looks scared but determined and it makes it easy for me to make my decision.
Screw it, I accept his offer, but I make it clear. If he doesn’t tell me after that, I’ll deal with it. Having him in my life is more important to me than knowing all his secrets. Even if the curiosity is tormenting me to no end.
The girls and I are getting ready together in Mikaela’s room. Ivy hasn’t been around for the last few days, her parents came to get her three days ago and she won’t be back for the party. Me and the guys have all sent her messages, but she hasn’t got back to us.
The weird thing is, I received an email this morning and it wasn’t redirected to Matti which means it’s from a new address.
I am all for seeking and revealing the truth but I also enjoy witnessing your torment and watching as you come apart. Your secret will be announced very soon Henleigh Monterey, but I think I may delay its reveal just a little. But don’t worry, your fellow students will receive enough just to keep them interested.
PastFinder.
It confuses me because it’s written as though it’s coming from PastFinder, but it feels different, and I can’t help but wonder if this is a completely different person. How many people are in on this?
“Earth to Henleigh, come on beautiful we need to get you ready.” Leah winks, and I remind her that her girlfriend Charlotte doesn’t appreciate her calling me that.
“She can get over herself, she doesn’t own me, and I can call my friends whatever I like. She doesn’t get a say and neither do you guys,” she exclaims, pointing at every one of us in turn.
“You realise my dress choice is redundant right, it’s backless and I can’t pull that off at the moment,” I say, throwing a pity party for one.
“Don’t be an idiot, the dressing is gone and it’s a healthy shade of pink.” This is from Mikaela and how can I not laugh.
“Fine, I guess it’ll match the dress perfectly at least,” I say, chuckling before disappearing into the bathroom to get changed.
It’s a pale pink halter neck, with a crisscross lace over across the chest and falls low on my back, practically to my hips. It has an ankle length chiffon skirt, and a knee length slit up one leg.
I’ve got my bracelet from the girls and my two necklaces on under my dress. I finish the outfit off with a pair of silver sandals with ribbons that wrap up along my lower leg and end just below my knees.
I can’t help but look at my back and wince at the bright red and blistered skin, sod it, I'm not going to let it spoil the night. Besides, I have a surprise for Bella that will either make her night or blow up in my face. So, excitement all around.
I leave the bathroom and am immediately seated so Roxie can get to work on my makeup and Bella is on hair duty. I can do it myself, but it is nice to be pampered every now and then. And when they finish, I barely recognise myself.
My makeup is soft and light with no black eyeliner to be found, and my hair is up in a fancy twisted bun with a braid wrapping around i A couple of loose curls frame my face.
“You look stunning,” says Roxie before rushing into the bathroom so she too can get ready.
