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“I think it does,” I admit quietly. “This hasn’t got anything to do with Katy, I just think that maybe… maybe I don’t want to just fool around anymore. Maybe I want something more.”
Ally bites down on her bottom lip and I think I might be about to experience a very first screaming fit from her. I brace my shoulders, wondering if she’ll quit her job in the process of this nightmare, but then she just nods. She doesn’t speak for a few moments, she just nods at me calmly as if she might agree. I don’t move my shoulders down from my ears right away though, just in case.
“Okay, I see. And what does that mean for us? Like, what does
it mean for work?”
“I still want you to work here,” I insist. “I like having you around and you’re amazing at your job. I just… I don’t know, I think it might be time to take life a bit more seriously, you know?”
She moves back slowly, almost looking uncomfortable in her own skin as she leaves. I know that it’s going to be a little bit odd for a while, it can’t be anything else, but I think that me and Ally will find a way to be okay in the end. I hope anyway, I need her.
As she reaches the door she holds it open and turns to speak to me once more. “You know, if you do like little miss lawyer you should let her know. She doesn’t look like the sort of person that hears it a lot and I’m sure it’ll help move things forward.”
I open my mouth, but I’m too gob smacked to say anything. That’s some really adult, kick ass advice from Ally which isn’t what I expected at all. She’s a great girl, and she’s also really right. I can’t just sit back and let things with Katy pass me by. If I like her then I need to let her know. I have to tell her… or at least make it very obvious. Of course, it’s complex because of our working relationship, but if it’s as real as I think it is, then it’s worth the risk.
“Thank you, Ally, that’s very kind of you.”
The door shuts quietly behind her leaving me completely alone with my cell phone. The phone that’s been far too silent for days. I mean, I’ve had calls and messages, but not from the person I want them from. But I have the power to change that if I want. I can grab my phone and I can call her. I can make the first step. I have to.
With a deep breath, I pick up my phone and I scroll through the names in my contacts list. When I reach Katy, I rub my finger across it lovingly, hoping that it’ll all work out as I want it to. I don’t know how my fragile ego will take it if I make a move with Katy and it all falls apart.
Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…
As it takes her a while for Katy to answer the phone I wonder if she’s ignoring me. I can almost picture her sitting at her desk, staring at her phone in sheer terror because she doesn’t want to speak to me. Maybe the almost kiss was too much, or maybe it was the news that I have a son. She didn’t seem put out by it when she first learned about my child but I suppose she’s had time to think about it now. Maybe she’s realized that she needs to keep her distance.
“Hello, sorry, you okay, Evan?” When Katy finally answers, she sounds completely out of breath. “Sorry I’ve been running around like a headless chicken all morning, I don’t even know what time of day it is. Or what day it is. Oh God, I sound like a mad person, sorry about that.”
“Oh wow, sounds like things have been stressful.” I cradle the phone to my ear so I can hear her words even louder. I love the lilting sound to her voice, it makes me miss her even more. “I’m sorry that you’ve had such a bad day. I hope me calling you doesn’t make it worse.”
“No, no not at all.” She sounds genuine as she says this which warms up my chest intensely. I love to make her happy. “I’m happy to hear from you, how are you?”
I know I could give her a bog standard answer without any details in that, but Ally’s words about pushing things if I want something to happen are still ringing in my ear. “Actually, I’m good, but that’s not why I’ve called you.” I suck in a deep breath of panicked air. “What I want to know is what you’re doing tonight?”
“Tonight?” she sounds distracted, like she has her mind on a million other things which I’m sure she does. “I think I’ll be working late at the office tonight. I really need to get this stuff filed.”
“How about tomorrow? Can I book you in for a business dinner so I can get an update of where we are?” I know the best thing for me to do is to make it about work. She’ll be much less likely to reject me that way. “I’d really lovely to hear what’s been happening?”
“Erm, hold on let me just check my diary.” I wait with baited breath as she flicks through the pages of her diary. “Yes, I can move some stuff around and make that happen. How does eight PM sound?”
My face bursts into a smile, this is a result! I know officially it’s about work, but there’s something even more intimate about dinner than there is lunch. If something is ever going to happen, it’ll start then. At least that way I’ll know one way or another.
“Eight sounds perfect, I’ll pick you up then. I’m looking forward to it already.”
As I hang up the phone I almost fist bump with excitement. This is perfect, I cannot wait to explore my feelings with Katy. I just really hope that she feels the same way too or who knows what’ll happen…
Chapter Twelve – Katy
I glance down at my suit wondering what the hell I’m doing going to a meal with Evan. I’ve spent the last few days trying to focus on other work that needs doing so I can create some distance between us while I try to tone down my feelings, but it hasn’t really worked. If I’m totally honest with myself, not seeing him has been worse because I’ve done nothing but think about him. The more I’ve learned about Evan, the deeper my heart falls for him, and now knowing the truth about his son and his tragic situation, I feel like I could tumble into the L word with him if I’m not careful.
Which is exactly why this is so dangerous. How did I let myself get talked into it? I know Evan said the word ‘work’ to try and make this an official thing that I would make time for, and I let him trick me… probably because I want to be tricked. And now the moment is upon me and I don’t know how to feel. The suit is on my body to try and keep a more professional feel about the night, but inside I’m still a hot, hormonal mess. I’m like a teenager about to go to prom.
As I bounce from foot to foot I stare at myself in the mirror. Maybe I look too smart, maybe I’ll give off the impression that there’s nothing to me but business. I want Evan to know that I think it’s all about work, but I also want him to see that I have a bit of a personality too… just in case.
Not that anything is going to happen, of course, this isn’t the sort of situation where it might become date like. Even if I do like Evan, we still have to work together. He’s still a client.
I can’t seem to stop myself, I tear the trousers from my body at the speed of light and grab a stark black pencil skirt to wear instead. It’s professional and something that I actually bought for work but I haven’t ever worn it yet. I haven’t ever had the chance to do so… which shows in my pale legs that haven’t ever been sun kissed. Still, as I tug the skirt up I realize that it looks better than the trousers even with my legs. Then I grab my hair out and I run a brush through it. It isn’t much, but I do feel a little more feminine with my hair hanging loose. It does look good actually down, I should wear it that way more often, I don’t know why I don’t aside from the fact that it’s easier to tie it up…
As a last ditch attempt to make myself look the best that I can, I grab my little used make up bag and I pretty up my face. I use mascara to make my eyes pop and I dust some foundation onto my cheeks to make myself look a little less tired. It’s not much, but I do look better.
