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“Why, you got plans?”
“Erm, yeah, actually.” I smile at my weekend plan. “I’m going to see my friend from college for the weekend. It should be a lot of fun.” Seeing Rachel sure beats sitting around the house on my own. “It’s been a while.”
We try to see one another as much as we can, but of course, life does get in the way. Not all my weekends are spent sad and lonely, I work through a lot of them, and she has her own stuff going on too. Contrary to what she thought it would be like, going back home has been so good for her. She’s reconnected with her mom, they get on better than ever before, she adores her teaching job far more than anyone thought she might, and she’s met a nice guy too. The last time I saw her it was very early days but judging by what she posts online it’s going really well. I’m looking forward to getting the lowdown and checking out if he really treats her as well as he should.
“Oh, well that’s awesome. Me, Michelle, and some of the others are headed out for drinks. I was going to see if you wanted to come along, but obviously…” He makes a sweeping gesture with his hands. “You can’t.”
“Maybe next time.” I grab some of his equipment for him. “So, shall we get out of here? I don’t want to miss my train. It’s already a long enough journey without me making it worse for myself.”
Christopher chuckles and nods. “Fair enough, I would be keen to leave too. Let’s get out of here.”
We both half-heartedly wave to the Mayor and leave. As we slide into the car, I tug my hair out of the chignon, reverting back to the person I used to be before I was Ronnie. Christopher gasps in shock, I guess he hasn’t ever seen me out of work mode before which makes me laugh. Even when I go out with them I dress very smartly because as far as I’m concerned, it’s still work to me. We could always bump into people who recognize us. It’s strange that all these people who are so close to me, don’t know who I am deep down, or at least the girl I used to be. Rusty, or Veronica. The girl who only wore a dress once in a blue moon.
I guess I kind of miss her a little bit.
At least I get to be her for a while. There isn’t any chance of me being recognized where Rachel lives. I can be free to just have fun. I really need that, especially if there’s something going on in Afghanistan. I need to forget about that or it’ll eat me up alive. I can’t do anything about it, not while I’m in America, so really, what’s the point of worrying. No, I need to just let my hair down, have a good time, and catch up with my old friend. Right now, she’s the one I need to concentrate on, she’s the one who needs my focus.
“You look nice with your hair down,” Christopher comments in a breezy way. “You should wear it that way more often.”
“Hmm, yeah. Maybe I will.”
I already know that I won’t. Not at the moment anyway. When Jordan is home I will. I’m still myself around him too.
12
Jordan
The world is chaos. Well, this world is chaos at least. Sometimes I get so sucked into the hell of war that I forget the other countries out there. I don’t even remember Veronica and the lovely home that we share, I forget about America completely, and all the people in it, even thou
gh that’s why we’re doing all of this.
How can I remember anything when we’re in the desert and there is a constant very high level of danger? Bombs, assassins, terrorists… that’s always something that we need to fear, and things are getting worse. The men I’m fighting with and alongside have been here for far too long. We’re getting sick, exhausted, illness runs through the group like wildfire. Thank God we’re all headed home soon, we need that. We need a break before this break us all. Some of us are already broken, morale is at an all-time low, we need an escape.
Is it how I thought it would be? How Brandon sold it? In some ways, very much so. I do have the group of friends I craved back in college, this is an experience that we’ll only ever share with one another which will bond us for life. I know I won’t ever lose contact with these men who’ve risked their lives for me and I have them. It’s impossible to give up a bond that strong, I won’t ever get it from anyone else. He was right about that.
And the money… that’s great too. I’m definitely set for life which is awesome. I have a great wage, an awesome pension, and benefits climbing out the walls… but the good money is for a reason. It’s danger money because we put ourselves through hell every single day. Every second is a rick, we could always be taken or captured, killed or tortured, maimed in the most horrific way possible. It’s scary. Always.
As for the travel… well, I suppose that’s happened, but it isn’t exactly ideal destinations. If I ever encounter Brandon again I’ll have words with him for using that as a selling point. This isn’t where I want to be.
I know I’m doing something important and I do feel good about it, especially when I get respect for being at a high rank, but the bad side of things is overshadowing at the moment. I need a break from all of it.
“There’s been another report of a squadron being captured,” Timmy tells me. “It doesn’t look good for any of them. Have we been sent any orders regarding this?” I sigh and shake my head. “Right, okay.”
He might not think I remember, but I know his best friend is in among the people in danger. He’s got that worry on top of everything else. I’m sure he’d be happy for us to head to where intelligence expects they’re being held, all guns blazing, to get him back, but we’ve got to do what’s commanded of us. That’s the rule. It’s why a lot of basic training centres around discipline. We have to do what’s expected.
“I’m sorry, buddy, we just have to sit tight.” I try to comfort him, but I’m sure it isn’t working. “Something will happen soon, I’m sure of it. And when we all get back home, we’ll be able to learn more.”
This is another thing I think is a lie. All the media lets us believe we’re winning this war with flying colors, but it doesn’t feel that way when you’re in the middle of it. everything feels like an intense loss.
“Can I be really honest with you?” I give Timmy a sharp nod, wondering what I’m getting myself into. “I don’t know if I want to go home yet, not without knowing more. I don’t like leaving my friend here.”
I nod slowly, sort of understanding him. I see that same look Veronica gives me every time I have to leave. It’s the not knowing which gets to her. That’s probably made worse by the snippets of information she gets in the news room, nothing substantial but just enough to have her worried. I’d love to be able to text her every day, but it can’t be that way. Anything that sends out signals is dangerous, it can lead people right to us, which is the last thing we need. Unfortunately, this distance is the only thing keeping us all alive.
I don’t know if I’ll be able to do this forever if I’m honest. I’m not sure it’s going to make me as happy as I once assumed. I don’t intend to make any snap decisions now when I’m at a low point with the rest of my group, but soon I’ll have to decide. I don’t necessarily want to leave the armed forces, I’m just not sure I should remain on the front line. Hopefully, having some time at home will help me to clarify what I want to do.
I tilt my head back, allowing images of Veronica’s face to fill my mind for just a second. God, I wish I could reach out and touch her right now, I would give anything to hold her. Whenever I think about her, this distance becomes just as hard as I feared it might be when I had my wobble at the graduation party. Long distance after such a wonderfully close time together, is challenging beyond belief.
Not long now, I remind myself. Not long now at all. I’ll be back with the love of my life soon enough.
