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“I’m sorry too,” he mouths back. Both of us sharing this deep, meaningful pit of regret. “So sorry.”
I try to keep Jordan from my brain but of course, he’s there in the back of my brain, circling through me. There isn’t anyone else I can think of at this time. It’s only him, he’s the love of my life, he’s everything. And now he’s going to be the one either suffering a funeral or never knowing what happened to. What I feared would be me.
Bang!
This final bang really destroys me because it’s the one which shoots right through Christopher’s head, ending his life. I wail loudly, I can’t help myself, and I fold in half in this guy’s arms. He’s gone, I’ve lost him, my last friends… and now I’m last. I get to witness everyone else being killed before my life is taken. They probably think I’m the worst one so that’s what I deserve. The one who gives the news. They won’t care that I’m a good person really, just a normal person, trying to survive. Not very successfully…
My brain shuts down, I turn off completely, I’m unable to hack it so I let myself go to blackness. The place where I will be permanently soon enough. I give up, I cave to death, and I wait for it, trying not to think about Jordan at all as I die…
20
Jordan
Everyone is being weird around me, I can sense it. I feel it the moment I step into the office. I’m sure it isn’t in my imagination that no one will meet my eye. I’m filled with the s
ensation that something bad is about to happen. I haven’t been too focused at work so I’m a little freaked out that I’m about to get in trouble. I know that I’ll deserve it too. I won’t even be able to argue with my bosses because I have been wrong.
They will be understanding when it comes to my worry with regards to Veronica, but that will only get so far. We’re in the armed forces. All of us have similar worries, that’s just the way this life is. We cannot let it affect us. I haven’t been so great at that. I know I need to get better. Today might be the kick up the ass I need.
I take a deep breath and head towards the sanctuary of my office. I decide to hide out in here for a little while, get my head together, then go and face whatever’s coming my way. It’s better if I tackle it head on. Burying my head in the sand doesn’t help anyone, especially since I’ve been given so many extra privileges.
But I’ve only just sunk my butt into the chair when I hear a knocking at my door. It doesn’t sound like the commanding knock of someone above me, so it must Michael. I can’t think of anyone else it might be.
“Come in, “I yell out, trying to sound more confident than I feel. “Ah, hello, Michael.”
“S… sir?” He gives me a bit of a bewildered look. “I’m surprised to see you today?”
“You are?” I narrow my eyes in confusion. “Why? I’m scheduled to be here today. Why wouldn’t I be here?”
He parts his lips but remains silent. This makes me feel like maybe this might be more serious that I first assumed. This might be really bad. It’s possible that I’ve done something bad enough to get fired.
“Okay, Michael, will you just tell me what’s going on already?” I demand. “Just tell me already.”
“You… haven’t been watching the news today? You haven’t seen what’s been happening?”
“The news?” Fear bundles up in my chest making it hard for me to get any air into my lungs. The news immediately relates to Veronica which scares the living shit out of me. “What the fuck happened on the news?”
“I… I…” He backs away, trying to escape me. “I erm, I don’t think I should be the one to tell you…”
“Tell me,” I growl. “Tell me already. Don’t fuck around with me, I need to know.”
He holds up his hands in a surrendering gesture, but that doesn’t help me right now. He knows something and if he doesn’t spill the beans in a second, I might freak out and smack him hard.
“I… I really don’t feel…” He sees the change in my expression and immediately shifts his opinion. “There’s been a report of a news team being… being hit… and I think it might involve your… girlfriend.”
He winces, waiting for the punch but it doesn’t come. This is the news I’ve been dreading, the one thing that I’ve been desperately wishing wouldn’t happen. It must be a prank, it has to be, someone trying to play on my biggest fear, to cheer me up… but of course, I know it won’t be that because who would be so sick?
“W… what?” I stammer as I clutch onto my forehead desperately. “How do you know? Are you sure?”
“It’s been on the news.” The news! I probably half heard it when I was asleep. If I left the television on for a little bit longer, I might have heard it this morning and known all by myself. I cannot believe that I came here like an idiot where everyone knows but me. I must look like a callous idiot. “And I heard that there’s a… video.”
A video? “What do you mean?” My brain spins as I try to work out what this could be, where this could have come from. “Like a live news thing? I didn’t know that she was doing anything like that…”
“No, no, I don’t think it’s like that.” Michael chews on the inside of his mouth nervously. “I think it’s like a… a terrorist thing. It’s a threat, an erm, a warning. A negotiation type thing.”
Holy fuck. Holy shit. This is utterly insane. This is the worst nightmare ever. Of all the people that I know have been captured by the Taliban not many of them survive. The government doesn’t want to negotiate. They don’t want to be seen as weak and funding terrorism. I’ve always understood that point of view… until now.
I gasp and clutch onto the desk panting desperately. I feel sick, I’m scared that I might fall apart. I have to still be asleep right now, this must still be another freaking nightmare. This is… it’s hell. Veronica is in hell, and she’s in the absolute worst part of it. Who knows what the hell is happening to her there? She’s half the way around the fucking world in danger and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I need to scream!
