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I don’t know why I’m still so sore in the afterlife but that’s a side effect I’m willing to take if I get to keep him. I might be able to sleep it off anyway. The more I rest, the better I feel. I want to feel truly well so I can enjoy this time. It might last an eternity or it might be limited. I want to experience it all.
“Okay, sweetie, you rest, but please let me know if you need anything, okay? I need you to be well. I sure as hell didn’t rescue you from that nightmare just to lose you here, okay? I need you to stay alive.”
It’s too late for that, I want to warn him. I’m already gone, and I’m sorry for that. I didn’t mean to leave you. I never wanted to leave you. I’m so, so sorry. I should have listened. I shouldn’t have ignored you. I love you…
***
Everything feels different the next time I wake up, like the world has shifted beneath me. I haven’t been concerned about the lack of vision before but now I really want to see. I wish I could snap my eyes apart and find out where I am, but every time I try I’m overloaded with sensations. It’s too much. My system can’t hack it. I would scream if I could, I’d let out a little bit of the frustration that I feel. But as always, I can’t.
There are lots of noises around me which immediately makes me panic. I don’t want to wake up from this dream just to find myself back in that cell, in that situation, it’s just too much. I don’t think I’ll be able to hack it. But I quickly realize that the voices are speaking words I can understand. There are English words flying above me which means I can’t possibly be with those men. They didn’t know how to communicate with me at all. it was all just gruff yelling, crude hand actions, and scripts for me to follow. Some of that barely making any sense. This has to be a good sign that I’m no longer trapped by them. If I remember rightly, they might even all be dead. I don’t know how to feel about that. It isn’t like I want them alive but knowing anyone is dead in this war is too much. After speaking to some of the locals in Afghanistan, I know it’s terrible there too.
“Hospital… urgent treatment… intervention…”
Those words don’t totally connect with me, I don’t know what they mean or what they’re about, but it doesn’t matter. I can understand them and that’s enough. I’m still in my dream, still with the wonderful fantasy Jordan, and that’s good enough for me. Anything else doesn’t matter, as long as I have him. Whatever this strange after life throws at me, the knowledge that I’m not alone is enough. It heals me.
“J… Jordan…” I try to rasp out, but I have that dry throat again. It’s too dry, like cardboard. I need water, but I don’t know how to ask. I try to lift my arm to wave it around, to beg for the drink, but I’m too weak. I guess all I can do is go back to sleep all over again. At this rate, that’s all I’ll ever do.
26
Jordan
I’m numb. Absolutely numb all over. I think I must be in shock. I know that I should be glad to have Veronica here in my arms but the whole situation has me shell shocked. That was a nightmare, a living hell. I might have felt like a freaking superhero going into it, but I don’t come out. I feel hollow, empty, stunned.
I glance down at where Veronica lays next to me almost in a coma next to me and I feel ill. She might not be in that place anymore, but she isn’t out of the woods yet. There are still dangers ahead of her. I know that she needs some serious medi
cal treatment and I’m scared it won’t work out as I want it to. I’m afraid that this is just the start of another horrible journey. In among the numbness, there’s a fear wanting to break free.
“We’re going to have to go to the hospital,” Jones tells me gravely, as if I don’t know. “For Veronica and the other prisoner. She isn’t in the best way either. We’ll have to get a doctor to look at them. I’ve already had my medic look them over, but there’s only so much we can do right now. We need help. They need help.”
“Yeah, okay I get that.” I nod fervently. “I think that’s for the best. Do you have a plan?”
I don’t get to hear his plan because Veronica starts stirring again. Every so often, she jolts from her sleep and she moves around. I have to take those moments to get some water into her. It isn’t easy, but I can’t have her dehydrated, on top of everything else when we get there. She resists a little and sometimes murmurs some incomprehensible words, but then she goes right back to sleep again leaving me helpless.
If there’s one thing I don’t like, it’s being helpless. I much prefer to take action, to do something to make things better. I excuse myself from Jones and tend to Veronica. I turn into doctor mode and do all I can.
“Just keep it together for a little while longer,” I murmur into her ear. “It won’t be long and we’ll be there.” The desperation is absolutely evident in my tone. “Just hang on until then, okay? I’ll take care of you.”
“I love you,” she mutters back the clearest words she’s managed so far. They touch me deeply. I don’t know if they’re meant for me but I feel them. It’s the words I’ve been imagining her saying to me forever and now they’re real. If Veronica loves me still after everything then we’ll be just fine. We have to be.
I cling tightly onto her, trying my hardest to keep my tears inside. “I love you too, I love you so much. You have no idea.” I squeeze her hand. “It’s been hell without you, I’ve hated it so much. I never want to go through that again.” I can feel myself panting. “We have to make sure it never happens again, okay?”
When we get home, there are so many things we need to discuss. Mostly, how the fuck we ended up in this mess. She might not be able to hear me but it’s essential that we sort this out. There are so many ways we could have done things differently, so many times we could have communicated better, and this is our second chance. I intend to grip hold of our second chance with both hands and make it everything and more. I won’t be the idiot that she left behind. I’ll be everything that she needs and more. Finally, I’ll work out how to be the man she deserves. I keep trying to make that happen but I’ve failed too many times so far. Not anymore. No way.
Not many people get this, most people only get the one shot at love, I’m one lucky son of a bitch. I will not throw my luck down the toilet. I’m going to appreciate it every single day. Veronica is my priority forever.
“So, the plan?” I whisper a little emotionally to Jones, needing to finish our chat. “What is it?”
“We just need to land as near to a hospital as we can.” He offers me a one shouldered shrug. “Get these women taken care of as our first priority. After that… well, I’m not too worried about after that right now, and I’m pretty sure that you aren’t either. I’ll get some communication going, see what I can sort out, that’s the plan.”
I nod, liking that a lot. The only step I care about right now is getting Veronica well anyway, so as long as that’s being organized I’m all good. I slide down further in my seat and wrap my arms tightly around Veronica, needing to keep her warm. As we go, I keep thinking about all that time she must have spent in that tiny, grubby cell with nothing for company but the occasional visits from those assholes and the endless dust. I hate it. I’m still so fucking angry. The only comfort I have is that all of those men are either dead or captured. If the men in captivity can give us more information about the rest of their little crews, then even better. I want this all to be as meaningful as possible. It can’t change all the people who lost their lives along the way, but it can help.
Now that it’s done, I want to get all we can from it. I want it to be the most useful mission of all time.
“We’ll be back soon,” I tell Veronica as she sleeps. I’m trying to reassure her as much as myself. “We’ll be home. All of this will be okay. We’re going to be just fine me and you. We have to be, you hear me?”
There will be no more miscommunication, no more yelling, no more arguing. Just a loving and supportive boyfriend. If I’d just accepted the professional version of her, the person she needs to be while she’s at work, then we could have gotten through this so much better. I’m going to have to get used to ‘Ronnie’ because it means I can keep Veronica. For her, I’m willing to do anything, which I think – I hope – this has shown.
“Just get better.” I kiss the top of her head hoping that at least some of my words are sinking in. “Get better and we’ll sort everything else out after, I promise you. I will do whatever it takes. I love you, Veronica.”
