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“I don’t know, Rich. I’m just here for Thanksgiving,” I groaned, feeling a headache coming on. I stood and went back into the house for some water, feeling too nauseous for wine any longer. Everyone was in the living room with the kids as I leaned against the counter, sipping the cold liquid.
I looked up as my mother walked inside of the kitchen. She sighed as she came to stand beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist.
“Try to get along with your father. He just wants the best for you,” she told me softly as I closed my eyes.
“He trashed my job, Mom. He wants to tie my life up in a neat little package.” My voice was soft as she remained silent for a moment. She always loved the fact that I was as into writing as much as she’d been, until it became an issue with my dad. She gave it up for him and seemed to want me to do the same.
“Rich is a good man. He’d treat you well,” she said as I sighed.
“I don’t feel anything for him. I want passion in every aspect of my life.” I kept speaking, hoping she’d hear my words. I didn’t think that my loving mom would push me into the mold that everyone else wanted me in. I knew that she didn’t as we made our way to the living room, hiding in a big chair as conversation swirled around me.
20
Sterling
I ended up falling asleep at Tom’s house. We had a few beers and caught up as I tried to push the thought of my family to the back of my head. I did the right thing and sent Mom a text in the morning, telling her that I was okay. I didn’t want her to worry, but I preferred to avoid Dad as much as possible.
Tom made some coffee, and we settled at the breakfast bar to drink it. He asked about my plans this week and I told him that I wasn’t sure. I wanted to go to Rosie’s and sweep her away from there into our little world again. I hoped that she wasn’t having a hard time at her house. He mentioned that there was a new club in town that I might like, and I nodded. It would be a good opportunity for me to catch up with some friends and get out of the house. After lunch, I reluctantly headed back to my house and parked in the driveway. I noted that Dad was gone when I walked through the garage, relieved that he wouldn’t be giving me shit yet. Mom was in the kitchen on the phone and she pointed to a barstool before holding up a finger. I sighed and sat as she finished talking to who I assume was one of my aunts, turning to face me.
“What was that last night?” She demanded as I rested my head in my hands.
“I just couldn’t handle Dad.” I admitted, not looking at her. Mom loved me, but she was married to him. I also knew that the more grandchildren she had surrounding her, the better.
“He wants what’s best for you. He feels that way about all of you.” She assured me, making me raise my head to look at her.
“I don’t want to meet a girl at the office that I’m working at. I don’t want the white picket fence and kids right now,” I told her as she nodded. “I still have school ahead of me.”
“I just want you home again,” she said as I met her eyes.
“I am not leaving the family, Mom. I’m just going to school. You’ll be busy with Callie and the baby.” I reminded her as she smiled. She was already in love with the idea. “I’ll apologize to her. That was shitty to say to her.”
“Good. I think you hurt her feelings. Watch your language, Sterling.” I smiled as she spoke, knowing that I’d slip up again. We spent the afternoon together catching up, joined by the girls late in the day. They’d been out shopping for the baby and their arms were full of bags of neutral colored things that they showed Mom.
Callie gave me a sour look as she walked some bags to the small room that was going to serve as the nursery at my parent’s house. I cleared my throat as Molly stared me down, waiting for my other sister to come back into the room.
“Cal?” I asked as she looked over at me. “I am sorry about what I said to you last night. I didn’t mean to go after you when I wasn’t mad at you to begin with,” I said as her eyes softened. “I just have one question for you.” She nodded with a small smile. “Is he good to you?”
“Yes, he’s amazing. I met him myself, not through Dad. It was at a party one night and we fell hard and fast.” I saw the dreamy look in her eyes as she stared at the wall behind me. I looked at Mom and she nodded.
“It’s true. We all liked him, and he got the job after they met.” She smiled and raised her eyebrows as he chuckled.
We talked about their plans to move in together in a month. They were waiting on his condo to be remodeled for a family before moving their things
in. Callie was happy about it and I relaxed a bit as I learned about her life. Molly was dating a nice guy that she met in her second year of college and seemed happy as well. She just wasn’t serious about him or anyone else. She wanted to finish school to become a teacher.
It was casual when we all made dinner later. Mom was cooking some quick vegetable soup, and the girls grilled cheese sandwiches at the stove as we chatted. I liked these moments with them. I used to wish that Dad would leave the family, so we could be like this all the time. It never happened.
He walked in as we were getting the soup into bowls and the sandwiches on plates. Dad gave me a short, dark look as he went to his office, taking his seat at the head of the table. The conversation was similar to the one from the night before though he left me alone. Now that I knew more about Callie and her boyfriend, I was fine with that topic. I told her that I wanted to meet him, and she assured me that he’d be dropping by on the holiday for dessert.
I sipped my soda as I ate, listening to everyone talk around me. I was still thinking about Rosie and wondered what she was doing. My phone vibrated in my pocket and I took it out to read the screen. Tom said that he was hitting the club tonight and invited me along. I told him that I’d meet him there before putting the phone back into my pants. I hopped away from the table, telling Mom that I was going out with friends tonight as she gave me a soft smile. Dad and I weren’t warm and fuzzy, but we didn’t argue tonight. That was an improvement.
I showered and dressed in some black jeans and a deep gray button up over a black undershirt. I did the buttons up, leaving a few open before I slipped on my black boots. I headed downstairs and told Mom that I’d be home later as she raised an eyebrow at me. I wasn’t going to stay anywhere tonight other than my bed upstairs where I could sleep in more. I was driving to the club, so I’d stay alert and not try to escape my life this time. I headed into the city and found the place in the warehouse district. Tom and some of the guys were waiting out front and I greeted them after I parked and made my way over to them. They shook my hand and gave me light hugs before we made our way inside.
The room was large and open. They had taken the inside of what used to be a factory and finished it to hold the sound of the music inside. There was one large bar in the middle of the room and another on the right near the dance floor. To the left of the bigger bar, there were some pool tables and TVs that were playing sports. It was nice here, and I followed them to the big bar to order the one beer that I was planning to nurse. We caught up on each other’s lives and what I planned after graduation, happy to hear that I was intending to attend law school. My friends knew how my dad was with me. My house was not the one that we hung out at unless he was on a rare business trip and my Mom cooked us gluttonous amounts of food. We watched a game and yelled at the TV as I pretended that the house was always this way.
I missed those days as they talked about jobs and girlfriends. Everything was serious now, and it made me a little sad. A lot of my thoughts revolved around Rosie and our past as friends and present as lovers. I sipped the beer and looked around absently as the music pulsed through the club, seeing a lot of pretty girls but none that compared to Rosie.
What the fuck was happening to me?
