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“Sterling. It won’t work. They hate me and my family. They won’t accept this baby, so we can’t be together.” I told him the truth as pain flashed across his face. “You know that. Don’t give up on what is waiting for you. I’m not going to keep you out of our lives entirely. I never would. I just understand that we won’t have that family that celebrate Christmas together and birthdays. I didn’t tell my parents about this, Sterling. I’m just leaving.”
“How will I see you?” He asked as I stroked his hair.
“Plane. We can visit each other until he or she can fly by themselves.” I thought this over a lot if I ever had this conversation. I couldn’t tell him that I loved him.
“I want you to stay. If not with me, just stay. I’ll make my family accept this. They can’t hate a baby,” Tears filled his eyes, and I watched as he kissed me. We stayed in bed and made love again before he pulled me against him. Sterling stroked my stomach softly, and I pretended that this was my life.
I woke up in the morning, blinking slowly. It was dark in the dorms since the windows were small, but I saw all his boxes stacked around. He was leaving today. College was over, and we were going to be adults. I was just starting it having a baby on my own.
He woke up and kissed my hair as he pulled me closer to him.
“I don’t want to leave,” Sterling murmured as I smiled weakly.
“It’s okay. We’re staying another two weeks, so we can get things shipped off. The apartment won’t be ready until then.”
“This is fucking absurd.” Sterling told me as I laughed without humor. “I never wanted to walk away from you.”
“It’s over, Sterling. It’s better this way. We’ll work the rest out.”
We parted ways in an hour. He needed to start loading his car, and I knew that Violet would be filled with questions. I saw the pain in his eyes as he hugged me goodbye and I walked away. That was when I cried all the way to my room and then in Violet’s arms.
She was sad that I had to tell him but understood. Sterling and I had a bond from being friends for so long and involved for a short while. I was having his baby, and he’d be a wonderful father.
30
Sterling
I felt empty as I loaded my last box and walked back to the dorm to look around. It was empty, ready for another student to live in for their time at this school. The room still smelled like Rosie and sex and I felt tears in my eyes. I had to talk her into staying sometime over the next couple of weeks.
I loved her. It took me all this time to unde
rstand that and now she was having my baby. I might have been able to let her go, but I needed to raise my child. I needed to be with both. I smiled and walked out, handing in my key to the desk and signing the paper that freed me from the dorms. I twisted my keys in my hand as I hopped into my car, parked at the curb. A few students were also leaving, and I watched the activity with a wistful expression. I was going to miss this place and the times I had here.
I glanced over at Rosie’s building as I started the engine. Two more weeks.
I made the drive to the condo, parking and looking for my parents. They had the keys and waved at me as I parked. I imagined the conversation about Rosie and the baby, triggering memories of times when Dad disapproved something that I’d done. I blinked and pushed it to the back of my mind as I got out and approached the unit. The building was beautiful, made of brick and cream wood. Every unit was three stories tall with the laundry being on the first level. The living area was on the second and three large bedrooms on the third. It was beautiful, and I approved it through the pictures. Technology was great that way,
Mom juggled the keys in her hand and I took them to unlock the door. Everything felt different now, and I looked around the foyer with a large laundry room slowly. We climbed the stairs, and I looked over the open living area with several windows, faking my excitement. I kept picturing Rosie here with a small child and walked over to the window. I pretended to admire the view of the water as I regained my composure. Mom was babbling about couches and tables as I turned to look at her, picturing her as a grandma. I felt that she’d understand but Dad wouldn’t.
We made our way upstairs and looked at the master first. It was huge with a spacious bathroom that offered a bathtub and shower. The other bedrooms were good sized, and I chose the one across from mine to be the nursery in my mind.
“I like it. I need to fill it with some furniture and make it home but it’s gorgeous. Thank you.” I told them both as I smiled at them. Dad’s phone rang, and he excused himself to take it as Mom stepped closer to me.
“Is everything all right?” She asked me as she took in my face.
“I think it’s just the changes, Mom. I walked away from my college dorm today and I’ll never go back. It’s weird for me.” I shrugged, trying to lighten the mood.
“That’s it?” She asked with a frown on her face. “It looks so much more serious.”
“It’s not. I’m just overwhelmed.” I glanced into the master bedroom where there was a king-sized bed set up for me, already made. Mom wanted me to be comfortable the first night, and I hugged her.
They offered to take me to dinner, and I accepted since there was nothing in the house. I’d deal with that later. We hit a local steakhouse and got a large corner table, ordering some wine to make a toast. I tried to calm my racing heart as I glanced around, seeing Rosie’s dad seated at a table with that looked like associates. They were talking closely, and he looked devastated as I frowned. What was happening?
Mom spoke as the wine was placed before us, and I watched as she called a toast to the condo and my new job. I had yet to see the building but knew that it would be good. I was going to be heading an accounting firm that took care of celebrity and wealthy clients. It was going to be great but as I glanced across the room again, I knew that I missed Rosie.
I walked through the empty rooms once I was alone. It still felt empty. I sat down with my iPad and started shopping for furniture, picking out living room furniture. I selected a black leather sofa set with a sturdy oak table and asked for it to be delivered by the end of the week. I clicked back to bedroom furniture and looked through beds for the guest room before looking at things for a nursery. She was too early into the pregnancy to know what it was yet, but cribs were neutral. I could get one in white for now and some furniture to match. I’d paint the room something to suit it once I knew more.
I set the device on my bed and closed my eyes. I hated this.
