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I choose not to give that comment any weight. “And then today… I saw her again!”
“Ooh, like fate intervening. What a romantic story. Did she lose her shit again?”
My lips turn down into a frown. “No, she didn’t mention it at all actually. Not directly. She didn’t mention the coffee incident anyway. She just said that after a horrible interview she fell down the stairs and hit her head hard so the company was giving her a pay out so she wouldn’t sue. It was all a little bit weird. Good weird though.”
“Okay, well that’s good.” Al makes a sweeping gesture with his hands. “She’s telling you it all worked out in the end. She’s probably just bouncing around the coffee thing because she overreacted about it.”
This is what I suspect to, but to hear it from someone else is powerful, it carries more truth somehow. “You think? It threw me a bit, it probably made me act a bit spacy because I was trying to figure her out.”
Alistair laughs as if this is the funniest thing he’s ever heard. “Mate, the day you start trying to work women out is the first day you end up going insane. They’re like a minefield, you’ve got no hope. Anyway, you must have been alright because you asked her out on a date, so that’s something. And she said yes.”
“Actually… she kind of asked me out.” It felt a little embarrassing to admit this to such a ladies’ man but I need him to know the full extent of everything so I can get the best advice. “I wanted to but I couldn’t do it because of what happened before. Because she hadn’t addressed it, I felt all weird about it.”
Al pats me on the shoulder and gives me a knowing look. “This is all really good news. She wants to go on a date with you. You need to stop reading more into it or you’ll end up screwing it up. It sounds like you have a good thing going with this girl, it was obviously just a bad moment in which you caught her in the first place.”
He’s right. I do need to get out of my head if I don’t want to lose what could potentially be amazing. I nod and agree with him, mentally steeling myself for my first date in a very long time. This is going to be intimidating enough without me trying to pick apart the character of someone I hardly know. Perhaps this is just how she is. That’s one of those quirks I’ll have to get used to as time goes on. It’s unhelpful to make assumptions.
“Right, well I’m going to get dressed then I’m going to head out. I don’t want to be late.”
“Here.” Al chucks me his keys. “Take my car. I think you might need it to impress the girl who’s captured your heart… at least enough to get you out of the funk that you’ve been in. Take it, have fun.”
“But… don’t you need it tonight?” I’m shocked, he’s so precious about his car.
“I don’t. I’ll be fine. I want you to have a good night… just not in the car, okay?”
Despite his crude assumption that we’re going to be having sex on the very first date, I appreciate the gesture. It’s these sorts of things that make me really appreciate him as a friend. The rest of the world don’t often get to see this side of him, and I’m sure if they did his tough veneer would crack. He’s a truly awesome guy.
“Thank you, Al, that’s amazing. I appreciate it.”
“Now, go dress to impress, and make this worth my while. You know I wouldn’t give up my car for just anyone. It’s ‘cuz you’re special to me, you crazy bastard.”
He pulls me in for a half hug, a man hug, before shoving me into my bedroom. There, I’m faced with the minefield of shirts and tee shirts to choose from. I need to pick right to set the tone. I don’t want to go too dressy and look like I’m expecting too much and I don’t want to go too casual either. I wish I could call her up and ask what she’s wearing, but I suppose this is one
of the joys of a first date. The mystery, the surprise…
And Tamara is one hell of a mystery, I’ll give her that much. She’s got me feeling all kinds of things. Yes, I need to look good for her because I want this to get amazingly. I need it all to run smooth.
I try to think about how I enticed Laura to be mine before I lost her, just to give me some pointers about what I did, but it’s no use. We were in the same friendship circle for a long time beforehand. It wasn’t a bolt of lightning, more a slow creeping sensation that came up on me without me really noticing. I didn’t ever really have to do anything to impress her because she already knew me well enough. There was no point in trying to hide me because she knew me. Then we just fell into step and went from there. It felt heady and exciting to me, but I suppose it wasn’t really. The rush of love was but the actual relationship wasn’t. There was no adventure.
Maybe that’s what she tried to create when she cheated on me. I wonder if she found it with him…
No, I curse myself. I don’t wonder that at all. I don’t even care, this isn’t about that.
I don’t want to think about my ex when I have something new and amazing to think about. She’s long gone now. I’ll just have to hope that myself is enough this time around too because I don’t know if I’m one for impressing. I guess I’m not too sure how to be anyone but myself. I hope that’s okay.
I pull on a pale blue shirt which I’ve teamed with some dark trousers. I decide not to go for a tie because that might be pushing it. I want to be smart casual, I don’t want to look like I’m missing the office! Then once I’m done, I leave my bedroom to seek approval from Alistair, who’s much better at this than me.
“You look swell, mate.” He gives me a genuine smile. “Now, go on. Get out of here.”
All the drive over to the address that Tamara has given me is filled with anxiety. Partly because I cannot crash this car, it’s Alistair’s pride and joy, but also because I’m about to see her again. I don’t know how it’s going to be now. The last two times we’ve come face to face it’s been unexpected. This is planned. This is heavier, much more real. Of course I’m excited, I would be an idiot not to be, but I do have fear as well.
Just be cool, I warn myself. Be cool and everything else will just fall into place.
But as I pull up outside, I wait a couple of moments before I regain her attention. I need to calm my racing pulse, to slow down my ragged breathing to a normal place, to warm up my ice cold blood. I need to get this off to a good start. After everything we’ve been through, I think we both require that.
As soon as I think I’m there, I fire off a text. I don’t know which apartment in this block she lives in so I assume she expects me to wait down here for her to arrive.
‘I’m outside. Looking forward to seeing you xxx’
