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“Oh, good morning.” I smile and give her a guilty look. “Sorry I wanted to do something nice for you.”
Her eyes rake up and down me, making me acutely aware that I’m in only a towel. I almost forgot but now that she’s undressing me it makes me laugh. I seem to bring something out of her! I hope it’s just for me anyway.
“That’s erm, yeah that’s okay…” She finally stammers back. “This is really nice and it smells good too.”
She takes a seat at her dining table and gives me an expecting look. This actually isn’t as awkward as it might have been which is nice. I don’t want things to be weird between us. I’m not one for a one night stand anyway so I don’t know how I’d take it if this felt like that. I really like Tamara even more than I thought I would.
“Did you want to come out today?” I ask her while I finish up the cooking. “Do something fun? I’m going to have to pick up Al’s car in a minute and I thought it could be cool to do something new…”
“You don’t have to take the car back?” I shake my head. “Okay, well that sounds awesome, I’d like that.”
I don’t know what we’ll do, I have no plan, but I’m just super excited to spend more time with Tamara. I hand her the pancakes with happiness buzzing in my brains. Especially when I look at her gorgeous, natural face. Her bed head is amazing, her clean skin is gorgeous, her pajamas look fantastic on her. She’s stunning. It takes everything I have not to race to her side and grab her tightly. All I want to do is hold her close.
I’m so looking forward to today, the more I think about it I can’t wait. It’s going to be awesome…
As me and Tamara wonder around the carnival chewing on our candy floss, my heart soars. This has been one of the best days of my life, even better than I thought it would be. She makes me so damn happy, it’s mad.
“So, what ride do you want to go on next?” I ask her with a grin. “What about that one?”
I point to the highest ride which flips the riders upside down and spins them in the air. It looks vomit inducing, the sort of thing that a bolshily teenager would enjoy but probably not us… or so I think. The way that Tamara’s head bobs enthusiastically up and down suggests she’s actually keen on it. This might have been a mistake! I can’t retract it now though, not without looking like a massive wimp. I don’t want that.
“Sure… right, come on then. Let’s do it. Let’s go on the ride.”
I toss the rest of my candy floss away and watch as she does the same. Nerves dart through my body but the desire to impress Tamara is too high. I want her to think of me as cool, so when she takes my hand I go with her happily. I have a feeling that I would follow her absolutely anywhere.
What am I doing? I curse myself angrily. Why am I moving so quickly?
I know that if Tamara could see what was going on behind my eyes she’d run for the hills. This is basically date number two, not the first day of the rest of our lives. I now things moved a bit quick last night but that doesn’t mean I need to push things further. I need to try and calm myself down, even if she’s perfect,
It’s hard to stop myself, especially with adrenaline from the fair coursing through me, but I’m going to have to try. The future of this - if there even is one - depends on it.
“Are you okay?” Tamara asks me as we reach the queue. “You’ve gone a bit quiet?”
I try to work out what will be less embarrassing to admit, and in the end, I decide fear is the best option. I can’t say nothing because it’s probably obvious from my face that something is going on. It’s obvious in Tamara’s eyes that she can see right into my core. “I’m not too keen on heights, that’s all.”
“Oh…” She doesn’t look one hundred percent convinced. “We don’t have to go on it…”
“Of course we do!” I smile, trying to convince her with my grin. “I’m not that scared.”
I wrap my arm around her and pull her towards me for a kiss. I need to distract her with my lips. At first, it’s just a technique to take her mind of my weirdness, but soon I get into it and I regret being in public. I wish we could be back at her home so I could take her into the bedroom and explore her body once more…
“Will you stop it?” She slaps me playfully and pushes me away. “You’re driving me wild.”
She bites down on her bottom lip and gives me a flirty look. I think she might want the same thing as well. It’s frustrating, but it doesn’t matter. We don’t have to just have sex, we can do other things as well…
“Right, come on. We’re next.” She tugs me towards the ride. “Then maybe we should get out of here.”
As we take our seats in the cold metallic ride, anticipation builds in my chest. It’s about the prospect of being flung about in the air but it’s similar to the way I feel when it comes to me and Tamara as well. Things are building, they’re coming to something, we’re about to toss our emotions into the air to be tossed about like rag dolls, just like we will be in a moment. Completely wild and out of control. I just hope we come down from the ride happy and smiling rather than throwing up and hating each other just because we tried…
She isn’t Laura… that’s the main thing I need to remember. She isn’t going to treat me like that.
I don’t think she is, I don’t even compare the two, but I can feel that old insecurity dancing about in my belly. It’s because of me not her. I’m the one with issues, this time I just want to be good enough. I don’t want to be left hollow and alone as another woman finds happiness in the arms of another man. My brain unhelpfully replaces the image of Laura fucking someone else to Tamara which I have to shake away rapidly. I cannot ruin this with moving too fast or my deep rooted issues. I have to keep hold of myself, it’s going to be okay!
Tamara takes my hand through the straps holding us in and she smiles in my direction. It confirms that she’s different, she’s special. I don’t know how I know that but I can feel it deep in my core. I can just sense it.
“Alistair was definitely right,” I mutter to myself. “I need to take more chances.”
“Hmm?” she asks me. “Are you sure you’re okay? We can get off if you want…”
