AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“How do you know?” He might know me, but I’m still shocked. He can see right through me!
“Because it’s written all over your face. You’re turning it into something bigger in your mind.” He makes a winding gesture with his fingers. “I can almost see it ticking behind your brain, making it complex.”
I sigh and hang my head low, knowing that he’s right. “How do I stop it? I don’t want to wreck things.”
He rests his hands on my shoulders and waits until I look in his eyes so I can really see how much he means this. “It’s your plan to go, right? You’ll soon be on the trip you’ve been planning. So, you physically can’t get too attached. That’s a good thing, it means you might actually live in the moment for a while.”
I nod slowly wishing I could just succumb to his suggestion. But I already know that isn’t possible. Tamara consumes far too much of my brain now, I can’t switch this back to just a casual thing.
“Oh, come on, Logan, don’t be like this. You’re going to push her away. When are you seeing her again?”
“Wednesday.” I wince as I say this. I don’t know if he’s going to yell because I’m seeing her so quickly.
“Okay, so that gives you a couple of days to chill the fuck out. Just calm it down.” He steps away and shakes his head disappointedly at me. “Start focusing on your trip instead. Focus your passion on that. You’re good at losing yourself in your travels. Normally I can’t get a word out of you while you plan.” He lets out a strangled laugh, trying to make it into a joke which doesn’t quite land. “So, why don’t you do that now? Forget about it.”
“Yeah, okay.” I dart my eyes over to my travel guides, trying to ignore the panging memory of the moment spent by the bookshelf where we finally caved to temptation. “I think I will. I’ll do some more reading.”
“Good, because I have a date tonight and I don’t want to worry about you moping.” He pats me on the back. “I need to have a good time it’s been… oh, a good couple of days. Sassi should be fun, too.”
“Sassi? A new one?” I screw up my nose. “Already?”
I just know what this place is going to become when I’m gone. Al won’t have me to worry about so he can bring a different girl back here every single night if he wants to. Thank God I’ve thought ahead to factor the rent into my budget so I don’t lose my room. I’m going to need somewhere to return while I plan again. I’ll a
lso have to make sure that I lock my room behind me so nothing goes on in there… urgh, I don’t want to think about it.
“Yeah, you just go…” I wave my hand towards the door. “You have fun. I’ll do some more plotting.”
He gives me a funny look but I know it’ll take much more of a disaster for Al to give up a date. I don’t need him here babysitting me anyway, I’m fine by myself. I’ve always liked my own company until now. I’m more than happy to throw myself into what I usually do a lot of all day long. I need to get back to me.
But as the door shuts behind Alistair, I don’t rush over to the books. Instead, I slide my eyes closed and I picture my trip in a different way. I see it with a hand in mine, a mouth to talk to, another person to share the experience with. It makes for a different feel and I kinda like it. It’s just a shame this didn’t all happen much sooner because then we’d have been together long enough for us to discuss her coming with me. I don’t know how she’d take it right now, it might scare her. It probably would. She isn’t as nuts as I am. I’m sure she’s moving at a normal pace, just like she should be. I’m the only one who doesn’t know how to be normal.
I sigh loudly and move my way towards the books, needing to focus my attention on that instead. I need to bury my head in the text, to look at pictures and imagine myself there. That’s always my escapism and I need to escape from real life right about now. More than usual. But there’s something empty about it today, something that feels empty. It just isn’t the same… it’s hopeless. I guess all I can do is climb into bed to sleep it off. If it isn’t going to work then I can just hope that tomorrow will be better.
Thank goodness I have until Wednesday. I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine by then. Nothing to worry about at all. I’m certainly not going to toss and turn all night long and worry about it. No chance of that!
14
Tamara
I don’t know what I thought it would be like, but I’m a little surprised by how boring Logan’s office is. I guess I had it built up in my mind to be this fiery pit of hell, but it’s just gray and bland. It’s the sort of place that I could easily walk past hundreds of times and not even glance its way. If I lived in this area, I probably would never want to see it again.
Disappointment floods me. I shouldn’t have come early, just because I’ve been bored and restless for three days. Now I’m going to have to wait the endlessly painful long time for him to finish his shift. This doesn’t tell me anything, only that I can see why he’s bored of it. I don’t even have to go in and I can already see the boredom is stifling. Whereas the building I had my interview was sleek, glamourous, and intimidating, this is just dull. I can’t see someone as sparkling as Logan. He should be doing something meaningful and fun.
I get that familiar tug in my chest, the desire to reach out and grab him. If he were here I would probably drag him towards me for a kiss right now and beg him to stay. But I can’t do that. I know I have to be cool.
I straighten my dress down, trying to prepare myself for the moment where it’s brought up again. I’m going to have to act like it isn’t troubling me and that I’m happy for him to leave. If I don’t, I risk ruining what I have with him. I want him to go wishing he could be back with me, not running away. I couldn’t blame him either.
To pass the time, I go for a little walk around the area. There isn’t much here, nothing exciting to see and no shops I can waste a few moments looking at knick knacks, but I suppose that’s okay. The main thing I want is to remain calm. I don’t know what impression Logan has of me right now but I don’t want to wreck it. If he thinks I’m cool and nice to be around, I don’t want him to know the way my brain races about him. If he could see in my mind and picture the future that I’ve been seeing he would turn and run in the other direction.
I catch a glimpse of myself in a window and I can almost see the madness dancing behind my gaze. I suck in a few deep breaths, trying to steady myself, and soon I feel confident enough to head back to the office. In his message, Logan said he would be ten minutes from now so I might as well be there to greet him. I’m not interested in playing any games and being fashionably late, I just want to see him already. I feel all anxious inside, there’s a deep gnawing within me, if I don’t get to have his face in front of me soon, I might explode.
I walk quickly and soon reach his office. There I wait just across the road for him to come out. As soon as five o clock hits, people spill through the doors as if they can’t wait to escape - not that I can blame them - but they’re not him. Not for a while anyway. Gossipy women pass, men headed for the pub, people unashamedly flirting with one another… every face but the one I want to see. For a second, I start to doubt myself that I’m in the right place. I checked and rechecked the directions a million times, but perhaps I’m still wrong…
But then, he’s there. His face comes into view and I can feel that magnetic pull yanking me to him. As soon as my eyes find him my mouth breaks out into a big, wide smile. Immediately, I’m on top of the world. It doesn’t escape my notice that he doesn’t exactly look the same way, but he has just had a long few hours inside that building having the life sucked out of him by the minute. It’d probably take me a while too.
“Hey,” I gush while slipping my arm through his. “Are you ready to have some fun?”
I expect even a half smile from him but it doesn’t come. Instead I get a semi-serious nod and a grave look. Without saying a damn thing to me, he walks towards the Italian restaurant as if heading to his doom. This isn’t what I was expecting and I can’t help feeling a pang of sadness. This isn’t like the weekend at all. That was all fun and happy and carefree. I guess I thought that was going to be our vibe, but now it’s as if he doesn’t want to be with me. I bite my bottom lip, fighting the tears that threaten to come. I cannot cry now, no way!
