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“Oh my God.” I jump away as if I’ve been burned as I feel a strange tickling sensation running down my leg. “That’s my waters.” This is happening far quicker than I thought it would. Now I’m panicked too. “Help me.”
“Are you sure you haven’t just wet yourself?” Logan unhelpfully asks. “Bladder control and all that…”
“No, it definitely isn’t that. There was like a popping sensation before it happened. It’s my waters.”
Logan’s face pales and he reaches down to grab my hospital bag. “Right, well we need to get going then, and fast. We need to get to the hospital now. I’m going to run every red light to get there.”
I want to tell him not to because it isn’t safe but the words don’t quite meet my lips. I’m panicked now, my head is spinning, the reality is all too much. I’m about to go through hours of agony which squeezing out two human lives. How the hell is this only just hitting me now? I want it to be over.
But then, when it’s over the real hard work begins. That’s when I have to be responsible for two human lives, I’ll have to work out when to feed them and change them and care for them… am I cut out for this?
“Come on.” Logan takes my hand and sits me beside him. “It’s going to be okay.”
His words calm me, but only a little. I still do as he commands, mostly because I have no choice. I get into the car and watch as the world passes me by much too quickly, trying to distract myself from the sheer agony rolling through my body. Logan must be speeding but I’m not in a position to scold him for that. I just need to focus on chilling myself out before the babies get here. There’s no point in worrying if I can do this, I’m too late for that. I’ll just have to hope that some natural instinct kicks in and it all just works out. That’s possible, right?
I don’t know why I was so worried, that stress was all for nothing. In that moment I seemed to forget that I’m not in this alone and I have someone to rely on when things get tough. Logan is a natural he’s already proven himself to be a very capable father. I think he got all of his stress out the way when I was pregnant, so now he’s just chilled out. He hasn’t panicked once over the last few days which is amazing.
“We’re going to have to pick names soon,” he tells me while snuggling our little boy. “Or they won’t let you out of here. Plus, I don’t think baby girl and baby boy can last forever. They won’t like it.”
“No, I know. You’re right.” I hold baby girl closer to me. “But what? We haven’t even talked about it yet.”
We discussed that we wouldn’t pick names until they were born because we wanted to get a look at our children first to see if the names would suit them but we’ve been so busy since they’ve been born that we just haven’t had time. The twins don’t seem want to sleep at the same time which is a nightmare.
“I had a great idea, but I want to run it by you first.” I tilt my head up to look at him. “I was thinking that we could name them after places we’ve been, as a reminder of our awesome travels.”
I nod enthusiastically. “Yeah, I actually really love that idea. What do you have in mind?”
“I thought baby girl could be India, and baby boy could by Sydney?”
I let those names wash over me for a few moments, along with the amazing memories that we had in those places. “Yeah, I think that could work really well. I like them both. And of course, they will have your surname since we’re going to get married soon.” I give him a smile. “We can start planning that now… actually not now. Let’s give it a bit of time to get used to all of this nightmare first.”
“Ooh, I can’t wait for you to be my wife. That’s going to be lovely.”
I glance my eyes towards the clock. “Okay, so it’s been ages since the doctor said he’ll make a decision about me going home. Do you think you can go and hurry him along? I want to get out of here, I’m so desperate to get back home. Plus, our babies have names now, so what can they say?”
“Okay, sure, let me put baby boy, I mean, Sydney, down.”
“No, no, give him to me. I want to hold them both.”
It isn’t easy, but I slide India to one side and make room for Sydney. Once Logan is satisfied that I have them both safely, he leaves to go and get me some help. I am pretty desperate to escape the bright white clinical place. I’m grateful for it, it gave me my babies, but I’m done now, I want to be back in my house. Me and Logan didn’t spend all of that time creating the most incredible nursery for us to stay here.
“Well, India and Sydney.” I look at them both, seeing a lot of myself in Sydney and a lot of Logan in India. “Hopefully, if things go to plan we’ll be at your home soon. You can finally see where you’re going to life. It’s a place we brought with the two of you in mind so I hope you like it. It’s a house filled with love too.”
All of a sudden, I’m overcome with emotion and a tear slides down my cheek. It’s a happy cry though, I’m utterly thrilled right now. This is the calmest and the happiest that I’ve ever been. Way back when, before I met Logan, I was floating through life, I barely knew what I was doing. I was more miserable than I ever allowed myself to believe. Now I’m settled, I feel like I have it all. This is the life I didn’t know I wanted.
“Your dad is an awesome man, just the best, you’re going to be very lucky growing up with him. And obviously, I’ll do my best as well. I don’t know if I can be as good as him, but I’ll try.” I smile, inhaling that new baby smell. “I just want you both to know that I’m already so in love with you that it’s incredible. The love I feel for you both is boundless. You’ve touched a place in my heart that I didn’t even know existed.”
I get myself so worked up that I can barely speak anymore, the tears are racing down my face. I chuckle through the tears, knowing that I’m a wreck. Luckily the door swings open and Logan comes back before I can act like a massive idiot in front of my kids even more.
“Oh my God.” He rushes to the bed panicked and ready to grab the twins from me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, I’m fine, just an emotional wreck.” I laugh and hiccup a bit. “You know I can’t control the tears at the moment. It’s hardly my fault, I just gave birth, don’t you forget! What did the doctor say?”
“Your discharge papers are being written up as we speak. You’ll be at home before you know it. And as if I can forget, I’ll always be grateful to you for that. It was insane.”
I don’t even need to ask really, but I do it anyway. “Are Alistair and Katherine already there?”
“You know they are. They want to spend some time with the babies. I can’t get rid of them.”
