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“Carrie,” I started, immediately trying to save myself, but she put her hand up and moved away from me with a sense of urgency. “Carrie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that…”
“You know what, Johnathan, I don’t really care. You could have meant it, you could not have meant it, but it doesn’t really matter. It still hurts all the same.”
“Dammit, Carrie, I’m trying to apologize!” I insisted, but I knew it was too late. My comment had already done its damage.
She ignored me, which angered me. I was more frustrated with myself than I was with her, but I didn’t have another way to curb my anger, so I lashed out.
“You know what, forget it! If you can’t accept that I am happy, then you can leave. I don’t need you trying to convince me why I should be miserable.”
At this, I received a reaction. I watched Carrie stop short, as her spine prickled with ire. I watched as the bones in her back thrust outward, underneath her shirt as she stood up abnormally straight.
It seemed to take forever for Carrie to turn around.
The stubborn ass that I am waited, knowing that I couldn’t show her any crack in my resolve. I had made my ultimatum and she was going to have to decide.
Even though I didn’t mean it and even though I wish I could’ve taken everything that I had said to her, this entire day, back, I couldn’t bring myself to admit any of this. Once again, I told myself that all I needed was myself and that others, Jake included, were secondary to myself.
After all, I had given everything I had and had it thrown back in my face. There was no way I was going to allow someone else to do that to me again.
When she finally curled around, I could tell that her equally stubborn nature was going to challenge me. I knew that she was going to call my bluff, even before her brooding eyes ensnared my gaze within her sight and her shocked expression turned to pure anger.
However, with the dramatic way in which she presented herself, I expected her to argue with me, or throw another hurtful comment in my direction, but she didn’t.
Carrie didn’t curse me, or yell, or even show that she was hurt by the choice that I had demanded of her. She didn’t make me feel guilty and she didn’t even ask why I would go to such an extreme.
Instead, her answer was simple, almost unfitting for the situation.
“Fine,” she replied, wit
hout her gaze so much as wavering from mine. Her body language was stoic, and her tone was placid.
I supposed that at that point, there was no reason for her to react any other way. I had given her an ultimatum and she had made her choice. There was no further room or need for discussion.
However, when I watched her calmly turn around and walk toward the door, I certainly didn’t feel as though I had gotten what I wanted.
In fact, I regretted nearly every decision I had made since meeting Carrie, though I still couldn’t justify a reason behind the commitment I had to her.
Chapter 13:
Carrie
I was livid and more hurt than I could ever remember being. Inside, I was quaking with anger and pain, which surprised me when my expression and tone came out even.
However, I quickly decided, in that moment, when he had finally demanded I make that choice, that his decision to give me an ultimatum was a damn good reason to simply get the hell away from him.
Obviously, I was wrong about him.
I guess I’m not as good as judge of character as I thought I was… I told myself as I turned back toward the door.
I didn’t really have a plan, though I knew that I wasn’t going to stay a moment longer in a place where I was unwanted. Johnathan had made it abundantly clear that it was time to move on.
So, I walked toward the door, unwaveringly, trying not to show any sign of my distress. The aggravation he had caused made my head hurt and my ankle pulse with the rushing blood. However, I wasn’t going to show Johnathan any of that. I was done trying to figure him out.
I was done with him.
After all, how could he possibly do that to anyone, let alone a person who has tried to be nothing but nice to him.
Sure, he saved my life and I owed him a great debt for that, but I wasn’t about to exchange one form of abuse for another. I wasn’t going to be a martyr for a cause that I knew nothing about, simply so that he could pretend he isn’t attracted to me.
