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“Yeah, well, look who’s talking, Mr. I’d rather be an asshole than have a normal conversation.”
“Well, this is one hell of a thanks for saving my ass,” he retorted as the flames of the growing fire started to lick around the tender. Carefully, Johnathan put the pieces of wood on the flames and watched them devour the smaller twigs almost instantly, before encompassing the whole structure of firewood he created.
“You’re the one who came in here and started doing stuff. I didn’t ask for your help and I don’t need your help,” I insisted and this time, due to the light the fire was giving off, I could see him roll his eyes as his head tilted back in annoyance, “Dammit, Cassie! Is thank you even in your vocabulary?”
“Not when I have no reason to say thank you. Just because you want to act like my knight in shining armor doesn’t mean you get to be it.”
At this, Johnathan laughed, but in a maniacal manner, “Yeah, sorry, but no. I’m no knight. I am…how did you put it before? Pitiful? A coward? A…child hiding under the covers?”
“Oh, so you were paying attention. That’s good to know.”
“I always pay attention, unlike you who seems to think with their stubbornness first and their brain after. Was it really so hard to stay with me? Was I that terrible of a host that you made me come out here and save you?”
Now, it was me who rolled my eyes, “God, Johnathan! It’s always about you, isn’t it? For a loner, you are one of the neediest people I have ever met. You always need to feel justified. Holy crap! You made a fire…do you want a medal? When we get back to civilization, I’ll find you a medal, alright?”
“Ha! Ha! Ha!” Johnathan barked, “If you didn’t need to keep score all the time, I wouldn’t need to remind you of how many times I’m the reason you’re not dead…Or worse.”
As we bantered, Johnathan continued to set up camp skillfully, ensuring that everything was safe, and we were able to even have some shelter.
I wasn’t going to tell him this, but I was impressed by his resourcefulness.
He was even able to find a source of water, which he offered to me first, before giving Jake some and going back to fill up himself.
I continually huffed and puffed as he moved around the campsite, ensuring everything was appropriate. I still wasn’t ready to forgive him for what he said, though I was happy he was here.
I wanted an apology, but I wasn’t sure I was going to get one, so I settled on allowing time to heal the hurt.
When he was finished, Johnathan came over to me and moved toward my leg, as though he wanted to check it but I roughly pulled it out of his grasp.
“I’m still angry with you!” I exclaimed, meeting his narrowed eyes with my angry gaze.
Immediately, he backed away from me and shrugged, “Fine,” he retorted, “But if it swells up and falls off, it’s not my fault.” He grumbled and griped for a moment, before he continued, “We’ll rest here for the night and we’ll carry on in the morning.”
Again, I rolled my eyes. “You’re not the boss of me. If I don’t want to leave, I’m not going to leave and there isn’t a damn thing you can do about it.”
I expected him to return some snide comment, but instead, he looked utterly surprised and kind of angry by the way I reacted.
I had kind of thought we had a thing going here, so I wasn’t sure what had changed. Either way, he was still in trouble for what he had said, so he wasn’t going to get off that easy, regardless of what he had done to help me. So, I stood my ground, staring him down as I awaited his answer.
“Okay, um…I realize that, but I think if you’d stop being so damn stubborn, you’d see that I have done everything to try to help you,” as he spoke this time, the roughness had seemed to ease a little leaving a soured tone, that seemed slightly put off. He spoke through gritted teeth as he forced himself to remain calm. “Look, I know I’m an asshole. I try my best to be an asshole. That is literally the only thing in this world that I have had all that much success in being, but I am not the monster you seem to think I am. Yes, I said what I said, and it was a dick thing to say, but don’t my actions account for anything?”
Could it be that he was actually trying to open up to me? I thought, now starting to feel bad for the way I had treated him. He was right. He had done everything he possibly could to keep me safe. He had gone above and beyond normal human decency, even risking his life to get me away from someone who really did want to do me harm.
However, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was still abundantly hurt by what he had said to me earlier, so I tried to convince myself it didn’t matter. I still didn’t deserve to be treated this way and since he couldn’t even give me so much as an apology, I didn’t have to feel bad.
“You know,” I finally spoke, trying to explain myself without starting another round of hurtful insults, “You seem to have convinced yourself, for whatever reason, that the whole world is against you and there is nothing I can do to change that. The reason I am so angry and so hurt is because I care and what you say influences me.”
“Yeah, words have meaning, I get it,” he hissed snidely, “But being spiteful about it isn’t helping either of us.”
“I’m not being spiteful,” I insisted, trying my best to remain calm. “I’m being honest with you. This is my attempt at a normal conversation, between two adults. I tell you how I feel and you tell me how you feel. It’s effective, I promise.”
“Oh, for the love of God, forget it! I’m not a fucking cave man. Now, you’re just insulting my intelligence.”
“No, I’m not. You just seem to take everything I say the wrong way,” I insisted.
“I understand how human interaction works, and I understand the words coward, and pitiful and everything else you were saying to me back there in the cabin, so don’t you sit there and try to convince me that I was slinging insults at you without provocation. You got a few good below the belt hits in there too.”
“This isn’t about who insulted who better, Johnathan!”
