AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Yeah, my brother could go to my parents with a body in his trunk and they’d help him hide it…Probably take the secret to their grave, but me, I was always considered a liability.”
“I’m sorry,” I admitted, “That can’t be easy.”
“Eh, it was fine. You learn to deal with that kind of shit. At least my parents were honest about who they were. They always treated me like crap,” he chuckled slightly, but it was a humorless laugh, that made me sad for him.
“Listen, I know I was kind of joking around before, but I am really sorry for what I said and how I said it. I was trying to help, but I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“Trust me, you didn’t,” he insisted, “I was just bitching because I didn’t want to hear what you were telling me. I hated that you were right. That’s all it was.”
“Well, then I’m sorry for going to bed angry. I know, in your own way, you were trying to apologize, and I completely shut you down.”
Johnathan snickers at this and reminded me, “You know, we aren’t an old married couple, so shit like that doesn’t matter…” As he spoke, however, his voice softened, and he added, “Not yet, anyway.”
I felt my stomach do summersaults as I laid my head on his shoulder in response. Carefully, I laced my fingers in his, holding his hand tightly as I asked, “Johnathan, is there anything I can do to prove to you that I do, genuinely care about you?”
“I’m starting to believe it,” he admitted, “But unfortunately, there really isn’t anything that anyone can do. I mean, I’m willing to give it a shot, which is a big step for me, giving you, or anyone the benefit of the doubt, but ultimately, time is all that will help make me certain of your intentions.”
At first, I felt as though we were making progress, but when he slid his hand out of mine again and sighed, I could tell there was something more that he wasn’t saying.
“Okay,” I insisted, “what is the problem, then?”
“While I can give you credit on some levels, I’m not sure I am willing to invest the amount of time, since I’ve done that already…but that’s also the only source of proof.”
“That isn’t fair, Johnathan,” I answered, turning toward him now, feeling frustrated by his stonewalling me.
“I understand that,” he explained, raising his shoulders in a manner that showed me he was just as frustrated at the situation as I was. “Like I said, I’m trying to be honest.”
“Yes, but if you really want this to work, you must give me something to work towards, to work with,” I let out a calming breath and grasped his hand with both of mine, “I am willing to put in the time. I can be patient with you. I just need you to be willing to do the same for me, or it isn’t going to work.”
“Then, maybe it shouldn’t work,” he answered in a finalizing manner that annoyed me.
“If you feel that way, why did you tell me all of this?” I inquired, feeling as though we had taken far more than simply two steps back in our progress.
“Because, I want you to understand.”
“Why? If you don’t think it’s going to work, if you’re not even willing to try it, why even waste the time telling me any of this?”
“Can you tell me it’s going to work?”
“What?” I asked, not completely sure if he was actually asking me a question or speaking rhetorically.
“If we gave this a shot, could you tell me with absolute certainty that we were going to work?”
I narrowed my eyes, slightly confused by what he was trying to ask me, although I answered his question honestly, “Of course not. Nobody can say whether it’s gong to work or not, but you also can’t tell me for certainty that it isn’t going to work, unless we don’t even bother trying.”
“You’re right, but why try if there’s a possibility it’s going to fail?”
“Why not try, when the alternative is absolute failure.”
“Because what could’ve been is a lot easier to deal with then certain failure,” he answered honestly.
I drew a deep breath out, pitying him for what he was telling me, “If you truly believe that, then I can’t help you. For your sake, I hope I’m not the right one, and there is someone out there that will make you want to try it, but right now, here, with you, I am willing to take the risk.”
“What happens when you go back to your normal life?” Johnathan retorted.
“We will adapt. I will visit on weekends and maybe, you will want to come visit me,” I grinned with encouragement.
“You wouldn’t want that,” he scowled.
