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“Uh, yeah,” I said. “I mean, the thought of me being pregnant never even crossed my mind. Not for a second.”
“I’m assuming you are sexually active,” he said.
“Yes, well, I was,” I replied. “We broke up.”
“Maybe you should call him,” he said gently. “You don’t have to go through all of this alone.”
“I don’t think that’s an option,” I replied, completely stunned. “And you’re sure I’m pregnant? It’s not just some weird mishap with the test?”
“Blood tests don’t lie about something like this.” He smiled. “And from your chart, it looks like you are a week late for your period at this point.”
“Yeah, I just thought it was because of whatever I had,” I said.
“Well, in a way it is.” He chuckled. “Why don’t you lay back, and I will take a look with the portable sonogram? It’s not as elaborate as the full version you will get in a month or so, but it will show me the gestational sac, and I can tell you about how far along you are.”
I laid back and lifted my knees, pushing them apart. He reached under the sheet and inserted the wand, moving it slightly back and forth. I looked over at the black and white screen, watching the blurs move across, wondering which one was the baby. He clicked and clacked on the keys, taking measurements and looking at his notes. When he was done, he cleaned me up and sat back in his chair.
“Well, it all seems to line up perfectly,” he said. “You are around five weeks pregnant, but that reading can change as the baby grows, and we can actually take better measurements.”
I didn’t know what to think. My mind was on fire. Nathan had left me. He had just gotten up and ran off, saying I was trying to steal his money. I was all alone, with no job, no ability to start my clinic, and I wasn’t sure I was ready for any of it. My face turned white as I sat there staring up at the different charts on the wall.
“If you need some help,” the doctor said. “Or you need to talk to someone, I can refer you.”
“Thank you,” I said sweetly. “I just want to go home.”
“Alright,” he said. “The front desk will have some information for you, and they will set up your next appointment.”
“Thank you, doctor,” I said, smiling at him as he left the room.
I gathered my things and changed my clothes, my mind completely blank. It was like I had gone numb, and nothing seeped through, not even the heartache that had been plaguing me. When I checked out, they gave me a prescription for the morning sickness, and I set up my future appointments. I walked out to my car and climbed in, sitting there and gripping the steering wheel.
I had no idea what to do next or where to even go. I figured that my first step was to call Nathan and let him know. He deserved to know he was going to be a father. I pulled my cell phone out of the bag and scrolled through the numbers, my finger hovering over the call button. If he still felt the same way as before, he was going to just think this was a ploy to get him back. Either way, I had to tell him, or at least try to tell him. It was my responsibility to do so.
I pressed call button and pulled the phone to my ear, listening to the ringing. After the third ring, it went straight to voicemail. He had rejected the call, which didn’t surprise me at all. I thought about leaving a voicemail, but I had no idea what I should even say. I couldn’t tell him that I was pregnant on his voicemail, and everything else would just sound like a feeble attempt to get him to call me. I hung up the phone and tossed it on the seat next to me. What were the steps after that? Should I find him? Should I go to his office to tell him the news, or should I take the rejected call as a rejection of me and the baby? With the way, he acted the last time I saw him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he rejected both of us anyway.
Tears began to burn at the corners of my eyes, thinking about the life I had lost. None of this was fair, and now, I was facing this huge thing on my own. I leaned my head back against the seat and took in a deep breath, shaking my head.
Fuck it.
I could just raise this baby on my own, be a single mother to it, and when it was old enough, it could make the choice to find its father or not. It wasn’t the ideal situation by any stretch of the imagination, but I wouldn’t abort the baby. It just wasn’t in me to do that. I had made my bed, with someone’s diabolical push, and now, I had to sleep in it alone.
I started the car and pulled out of the parking lot, tears overflowing and streaming down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure what I was more upset about: Nathan’s blatant refusal to hear me out, the fact that I was going to be a single mom, or that my whole life was a complete and utter mess. I cried the entire way home. Then, I went inside and laid down on the couch, sobbing into the pillow. I needed to get my prescription, but I couldn’t go anywhere in that state of mind. I turned my head to the side and sniffled, listening to my phone vibrate on the table. I grabbed it, hoping it was Nathan, but it wasn’t. It was Lindsey, probably making sure I hadn’t thrown myself off the roof after the breakup.
“Hey,” I said, trying to muffle my shaky voice.
“Hey, sweetie,” Lindsey replied. “I was just calling to check on you and see how you were doing.”
I thought about telling her, getting the whole thing off of my chest. If she knew I was pregnant, she would surely tell Jordan, and maybe he would spread the news to Nathan. I swallowed hard, realizing that wasn’t the answer at all.
“I’m doing okay,” I said. “I went to the doctor today.”
“Good,” she said. “What did they say?”
I paused for a moment, trying to decide what to tell her. I felt so alone, but putting this drama on my best friend was not the answer to making me feel better. I thought up a quick lie and figured I would explain it later when the time was right.
“I have the flu,” I said. “Just like I thought. They gave me something for the nausea, and I am going to go get the prescription in a little bit.”
“I’m so glad that it can be fixed,” she said. “I was really starting to worry about you.”
