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“Wow, that is intense,” I said with a smirk. “I’m sorry that she is doing all of these things. I know it must be hard on you and your parents. I know that I didn’t do anything to make her feel this way toward me, but I can’t help but feel slightly responsible for everything that is happening. I should have just left you out of the loop until after the wedding. Then, when you were back and relaxed, I could have told you.”
“Are you nuts?” she asked. “Then I would have been completely oblivious to the deviance of my sister. What if she tried to sleep with Jordan or something? I would end up killing her, and you know that I would never survive in prison. I would end up being someone’s pet and doing everyone’s makeup. Just thinking about eating instant mashed potatoes every day keeps me on the straight and narrow.”
“You are so dumb.” I laughed, feeling how good it felt to really laugh again. “Do you think that Nathan will come to the wedding?”
“I don’t know,” Lindsey said, shrugging her shoulders. “I did take the liberty of moving his seat away from yours, just in case. That way, you wouldn’t feel uncomfortable, and he wouldn’t get drunk and say something mean to you.”
“Thanks.” I sighed. “I really wish it could be different. Even if he still hated me, I wish he wasn’t so angry at me. I didn’t do it, but in his mind, I am a lying, cheating gold digger. It breaks my heart into pieces to think that he thinks so poorly of me.”
“I know, sweetie,” Lindsey said, leaning forward. “But you have got to put that behind you. You have to take a step back and remember that you have something big going on in your life. All of this stress and anxiety is not good for you, or for that baby. I know it’s easier said than done, but maybe it’s time that you thought about moving on. We could make a new plan for you for the future and get you excited about being a mom—because I know I’m excited to be an aunt—and start refreshing your life a little.”
“Maybe when you get back from your honeymoon, we can sit down and do all of that,” I said with a smile.
“Good,” she replied, looking out as we pulled up to Jordan’s parents’ house. “You ready?”
“Sure,” I said with a smile.
After lunch, we finished up all the other little things we had to do and met Jordan for dinner. I sat there quietly, watching the two of them laugh and talk about their days. I had almost forgotten what it was like to be that happy and that in love. When dinner was over, they dropped me at my place, both of them giving me big hugs before I went inside. I dropped my bag inside the front door and dragged my tired body up the stairs. Quietly, I undressed, laying out my clothes for the next day’s events and crawling into bed. I pulled the covers up over me and laid my head on the pillow, allowing my body to fully relax. With that relaxation came the breaking of the dam, spilling tears out of my eyes and down my cheeks. I pulled my hands up to my face and sobbed, really letting out all of the pent-up heartbreak that I had kept inside through the whole day.
I was so upset, and I couldn’t even take a deep breath in to calm myself. The vision of Nathan torturing himself, drinking himself to the point of passing out, waking up and doing it all over again, haunted me. He was doing that because he thought I had done something terrible. I knew it wasn’t my fault, I knew that I was innocent, but it didn’t make it any easier on me. I felt guilty for making him feel that way, for not fighting harder to make him see the truth. Sarah had ruined everything in my life, and I felt like I was replaying events from the past all over again. I had something that was so wonderful and so exciting, and she ripped it right out of my hands. What she didn’t realize was that while she was getting the satisfaction of hurting me, she was hurting two other people in the background.
Nathan was distraught, unable to move past what had happened. She had completely ruined him and put all the blame on my shoulders. He would never get over this betrayal, and he would never have the joy of knowing his child. He would push the rest of us away for as long as we lived. I was sure of it. My child, growing strong in my belly, would come into a world full of love, but missing its father, something I could never replace. She had destroyed three people’s lives, and she had no remorse for it.
My tears came faster and faster, and I sat up in bed trying to catch my breath. The hormones from my pregnancy were not making any of this any easier on me. I knew they were driving the stake even farther into my heart. Lindsey was right, though. I needed to find peace in my own life. I needed to stay calm and to move past all of this because I was now responsible for another human being’s life. It was not good for me to get that upset about anything, and I knew that it was causing the baby all kinds of stress.
I reached over and grabbed the water off the night stand and took a sip, my breath shuddering in my throat. I swallowed hard and leaned back against the headboard, closing my eyes. There was nothing I could do about
what was happening, and I needed to get it together if I ever wanted to feel normal again.
Chapter 20
Nathan
My feet lifted up off the floor, and I propped them on the chair in front of me. I sat back and took a long sip of my beer, fiddling with the shot glass I had just emptied. I was at the Regency Hyatt with John, Jordan, and a few other guys from work, having a work bachelor party for Jordan. The guys were having a hell of a time, and no one was bothering me, which was a good thing. Sure, I was trying to do something nice for Jordan and show him there were no hard feelings about his soon-to-be wife barging into my office, but I also had a hidden agenda. It was an excuse for me to drink, not that I needed an excuse these days, but at least I didn’t feel guilty doing it in a room full of drunk guys having a whole lot of fun. I never understood bachelor parties. They were an excuse to do stuff that you could do anytime, but you just felt self-conscious about it.
This party, though, was getting pretty wild. I had made sure to book the penthouse so that none of the other guests were bothered. I also wanted to make sure none of the guys got loose, completely wasted, into the general public. From the thumping of the music and the fact that two of the guys had their ties around their heads with no shirts on, I had made a really good choice. I had the thing catered and bought more alcohol than we could drink during five of those parties. The guys had been so excited, they barely got any work done at the office during the day.
“Hey there, cutie,” one of the strippers said, walking over to me. “Why don’t you join the party?”
“I’m not interested, sweetheart, but those guys are the ones I am paying you to entertain,” I said, sipping my beer.
I had hired a half-dozen strippers to run around without clothes on and play with the guys. Jordan was being good, which made me think there was still a decent guy left on the planet. I had zero interest in girls I could find any given night at the local bar. I was just happy to sit back and drink, feeling no better than before, but at least I wasn’t alone. I had splurged on a vintage bottle of my favorite whiskey, and I discovered that a comfy place to sit, a bucket of ice, and my bottle of whisky was all that I needed in the world. John knew it was hard for me, sitting there celebrating someone else’s happiness, but he also knew not to push me. He was just glad that I was out with them, showing my pale skin some different kind of lighting other than from my living room.
I nodded as John looked over at me, putting down the can of whipped cream he was taunting the strippers with and heading over to me. I poured him a shot of my whiskey and handed it to him. He took a sip and closed his eyes, savoring the taste.
“You went all out.” He chuckled. “This is some really good stuff.”
“I know, right?”
“So, uh, where have you been lately?” he asked. “We’ve all been worried about you. What’s been up with you lately?”
I watched the girls dance around Jordan, laughing at his face. I took a sip of my whiskey and contemplated how to answer that question. I didn’t need another lecture from him, but I felt like I couldn’t get away from it. I turned and looked at him, realizing he was staring at me and waiting for an answer.
“I think you know the answer to that, John,” I said with a fake smile.
“Are you serious? You’re still tore up over that girl? We really thought something had happened to your folks or something.”
“Nah, they are fine,” I said. “I really felt a connection with Amanda. It’s not something that can be just turned off. It doesn’t matter how many bottles of whiskey I drink or how many women I fuck, not that I have fucked any, but still, it doesn’t matter. She is still right there on my mind. I wish you had experienced something like that at some point so that you could understand where I was coming from.”
