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“Where are we headed right now?”
“To my hotel.”
“To… your…” my voice is weak as I try to speak, trailing off uncertainly because I’d just assumed that we were staying at the same hotel. None of this makes sense, why did he book a different place to me?
I don’t even know why it’s bothering me so much. This is supposed to be his weekend to be in control, but I’m not used to it. The problem is as Michelle says, I need to let go. There’s too much riding on this weekend, and it’s not as if I’m not attracted to Marvin. That’s an understatement. This is the closest that we’ve been together naturally, not false, not pretending and I need to feel at ease with him. But I can’t because there’s so much riding on it. Maybe if there weren't a deal, it would be easier? Maybe if I were just here with him, then I wouldn’t feel that way.
“Why aren’t you staying here?”
“I don’t like it here. It’s a bit too bright lights, and too many tourists are here. The Encore’s not far, and it’s a bit quieter there this weekend. Besides I prefer the room there.”
“So, you changed your mind?”
“Yes.”
Every time I want to sit in the limo, another question pops into my mind. That’s when I notice that he has a button undone, and his chest is clean. There’s no hair like I expected there to be.
“What about my things?”
He laughs, “All taken care off. Are you going to get inside or not?”
As I enter the limo and Marvin sits next to me. Kurt starts the engine and then after we both put on our seatbelts, Marvin turns to face me.
“Is there a problem?”
I shake my head, ‘No.”
I don’t even recognize the voice that answers him. I’m shaking and the confidence that I had at dinner, seems to have been left at the table, because it’s nowhere to be seen as I feel like a little child, unclear where their parents are taking them for the day. It’s just that I’m not a kid, and Marvin’s a man, who’s after one thing this weekend. I’m distracting myself by looking at the window watching the holidaymakers roaming up and down the busy streets. I’m thinking about them being lucky. They’re in control of where they go and what they’re doing, unlike me.
“I don’t want you to regret coming here,” he nods as if he’s trying to convince himself more than me. I’m lost as to how to ignore his statement. So, as he did before, I don’t react to it. I look out of the window once again, and then Kurt announces on the intercom, “We’re here sir.”
Marvin blurts out, “Good.”
He wasn’t joking about it being a short drive. So, short in fact that I can’t understand how this side can be quieter than the other part of the Vegas strip.
“Why did we have to change hotels?”
He ignores me as I repeat the question. I want him to tell me the truth. I follow his suit as Kurt holds the door open. That’s when I have Marvin by my side, and without hesitation, he puts his arm around my waist and walks me down to the reception area as Kurt nods at him. A secret signal to say that makes me think that he’s leaving me. I’m not used to this type of life. Am I supposed to wave to him? Shake his hand? When I was with Kurt alone from the airport, it was easier, but with Marvin here I feel as if I’m a stumbling fool and I don’t understand why?
“You won’t owe me any of it back after this weekend.”
He’s completely changing the subject, so I prompt him to answer my original question.
“You never answered my question.”
He nods as he gazes into my eyes. It’s as if he makes me melt every time he’s near. His intoxicating woody scent tends to drive me wild. It’s a mature scent. Something that only a sophisticated man would wear, not guys my age.
“I did, and you repeated it. Ignoring my original answer.”
He puts me in my place, and I have no words to reply to him right now. He did answer, and for some reason, I thought that it was a lie. I decide that I need to let go and stop fighting this so badly.
I decide that the real reason I’m fighting it is because I don’t know what it all means. Marvin could have any woman that he wants, with his ribbed abs that I managed to catch a glimpse off one time when he was using the pool at a friend’s house. I remember gazing at him and wondering if I’ll ever get the opportunity to put my hands on them. I only caught a glimpse, because he was quick to put his shirt on in my presence.
I let him take the lead as we head towards the elevator in silence. As the nerves start to take over my mouth, I’m unable to speak. As we enter he puts his card in the elevator, he still has his arm around my waist. Anyone that saw us would think that we’re a couple. It just looks so natural, and he’s doing it as if he’s done a thousand times.
A light bell sound signals the elevator has reached its destination, and once the doors are open Marvin moves away from me and offers me his arm. It’s as if he’s changing our roles from being one of edging me to him to one of making sure that I’m fully on board with what happens next. I take a deep breath and slide my hand under his elbow.
My heart is beating faster as we enter the room. It’s as if the light’s only comes on as we enter deeper into the suite.
