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“I know,” she said. “But that’s not what I care about! You can’t always think about just me, Mama. I want you to be happy for you, not for me. You have to!”
Her sweet little face had started to scrunch up as she yelled, and by the time she was done, I could see that she was about to cry. Baffled about how we had gone from a typical board game day to something like this, I motioned for her, hugging her to me when she cleared the table and was within arm’s reach. She nestled her head into the hollow of my neck, and for a minute, I found that I had to fight back some tears as well. Moments like these were precious to me, all the more so because I knew they would become less and less frequent as she grew older.
“Tell me something about him,” Emma said.
“I told you his name.”
“Don’t be silly, Mama. Tell me something else. You like him, right?”
“I do. At least I think I do.”
“Then tell me something about him.”
“He’s different, I guess. He’s different than the other guys I’ve been dating.”
“Different how?” she asked.
“He’s more serious, I think. I don’t know him well enough to really say yet, I guess, but that’s the answer I would give
for now. He’s more serious.”
“Maybe that’s a good thing,” Emma said.
“Why do you say that?”
“Because,” she answered simply, hugging me even tighter. “The other guys weren’t ones you wanted to tell me about, and this one is. So maybe it’s a good thing that he’s different.”
“You know what? Maybe you’re right.”
“Was my daddy?” she asked.
“I don’t know how to answer that.” I gulped, trying very hard to sound as calm as humanly possible. “I’m not sure what you mean, baby.”
“I was just wondering if Daddy was serious. You said this new guy is different than the guys you date, but is the serious thing different than Daddy was?”
It was a comparison I had never thought to make, or maybe never dared to make. Now that Emma had put it out there, though, it was something I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about. Emma didn’t remember a whole lot about her Dad. She had told me so on more than one occasion, and although it broke my heart a little, it wasn’t exactly a surprise.
She had only been five when the cancer had taken Matt, and that was very young to hold onto memories. Because I knew that about her, I knew she couldn’t understand that she’d hit on a very legitimate point. Matt had been a serious kind of man, far more serious than any of the men I had dated before or after him. Maybe that was where my fear with Drew was really coming from. Maybe it wasn’t the fact that he was a pilot, or that I still didn’t know him all that well.
Maybe the fear wasn’t that he would not be worth my time, but instead, that he was.
Chapter 10: Drew
“So, what do you say, Mr. Larson? Are you coming?”
“Yeah, are you coming with us?”
The two flight attendants looked at me with faux innocence and then dissolved into a fit of giggles. I knew they thought they were being flirtatious, but it wasn’t working on me. I wondered to myself what they would think if they knew I couldn’t even remember their names and thought better of telling them.
They were silly, stereotypical women, and they were annoying the shit out of me. But that didn’t mean I had to be an outright dick to them. It wasn’t like they were even blips on my radar, anyway. Just another set of flight attendants on another anonymous flight.
“No, I think I’m going to pass,” I said. “Thank you for the invitation, though.”
“Boo,” flight attendant number one said with a pouty lip poked out like a little kid. “That is not the answer we were hoping for.”
“Oh, Not the answer we were hoping for at all,” flight attendant number two chimed in, her expression just as sulky as the one her friend was wearing.
"I'm sorry to disappoint, but I'm not up for it tonight. I've been flying too much lately to keep my head on straight, and I need some sleep. Believe me. I wouldn't be any fun. And I'm sure there are plenty of other pilots in the lounge who would love to take my place with two girls who look like you. Honestly, you should go and check it out. I'm sure some poor bastard in there would be over the moon about it."
