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What Jason and Kristin had sounded absolutely ideal. They were madly in love, living their lives together on a daily basis, while at the same time, enjoying the freedom and trust to carry out their deepest desires and fantasies with whoever they wanted to. It was such a foreign concept in my mind, but it was incredibly tempting to think about. Amber looked over at me and smiled sweetly, showing in her eyes that she was desperate for me to be okay with her past. Her past wasn’t even what was really on my mind. It was the lifestyle that Kristin and Jason wanted us to be part of.
It was seriously like having your cake and eating it, too. But as far as I always knew, that was supposed to be impossible. However, watching the way that Jason looked at Kristin, I suddenly realized it was completely different than the way that he looked at my wife. There was an incredible amount of emotion behind Jason’s look to his wife, while lust was all that I could see when he looked at Amber. Immediately, I began to feel better about the fact that he had slept with her a long time ago. I knew that he wasn’t a threat to our relationship.
Kristin patted me on the knee and lifted herself up off the couch, walking over in front of Jason and putting her hands out. He smiled and took them in his, standing up in front of her and pulling her in close. He leaned down and gently kissed her lips, pulling back and running his lips over her nose and her cheeks. She smiled up at him adoringly and turned toward Amber and me, pulling his arm over her shoulder. She smiled at us and wrinkled her nose.
“We are going to go poke around in the kitchen and try to find something to make for lunch,” Kristin said, smiling at Amber and winking at me. “We’ll call for you guys when it is ready, and we can all sit down and have some food.”
“Thanks,” I said, nodding my head.
Jason reached down and shook my hand, and I nodded at him, letting him know that everything was okay between the two of us. I really felt like everything was fine in all aspects of the situation, but I knew that Amber was struggling with it. I watched as Kristin and Jason smiled at each other and walked away, leaving Amber and me to talk in private. I sat forward and clutched my hands together, looking at the floor. One thing I knew about my wife was that she needed to come to terms with her own conscience before anything I said would hold any weight with her. I could have sat there all day, telling her that I wasn’t mad, but until she reconciled what happened, she wouldn’t be able to let it go. Personally, my mind was on the fact that there was actually a way to be even closer to Amber than I already was, and get to have some really fantastic sex.
13
Amber
The silence in the room was almost deafening, and I knew Matt was giving me a chance to work everything out in my mind before he put his thoughts into the mix. I was a lucky girl because my husband knew me so well that he even knew when talking wasn’t going to solve anything, and when it would solve everything. In that situation, I needed to be okay with the choice I had made not to tell him about the sex with my roommates. Until then, I would never be able to hear anything he had to say, good or bad. I took in a deep breath, feeling the butterflies in my stomach move into my lungs. I need
ed to say something, to break the ice in a way that would create a line of communication, not just open it up to an argument. The last thing I wanted to do was argue with him.
“I’m sorry for not telling you earlier,” I said. “I just thought that period of my life was behind me.”
Matt smiled and looked up at me, sitting back and turning to face me. I could see in his eyes that he was open to talking to me, and immediately, I started to feel better. Matt was not just my husband, he was my best friend, my confidant, and the person I went to with anything.
“I love you so much,” I said. “I have been afraid that you wouldn’t understand what me and my roommates had together. I can see how, if I were on the outside of things, I would have a really hard time understanding what it was all about.”
My heart was beating so fast, waiting for Matt to say something, anything that would make me know that he was still right there with me like he always had been. This was exactly the reason why I hadn’t told him about the four of us. I was too afraid that all the things that he loved about me would just dissolve. I was afraid that he wouldn’t like the crew anymore, too, leaving me with a husband that didn’t respect me and a bunch of people I loved cast out of my life.
“Well, that wasn’t what happened at my frat house,” he said, nodding slowly. “I won’t lie. There were some crazy stories about sex, but we tended to keep our wieners to ourselves. It was kind of in our code not to spend sensual evenings with each other in the frat house.”
“That would have been the most interesting fraternity on campus if you had,” I said, laughing hard.
The giggles flooded me, a welcome change from the anxiety that was clamping down on my chest from before. He always knew exactly what to say to break me from myself, making me feel like I was being too hard on my own heart, even when he wasn’t at all. He cracked a smile and started to laugh, laying his head against the back of the couch. He reached up and brushed the hair from my face, running his finger across my cheek. I closed my eyes, feeling his warm hand on my skin, feeling relieved that I wasn’t going to have to fight to get his affection back. I felt closer to him than I ever had before, and I realized that Kristin, though wild and brash, might just understand love even better than any of us. That was a hard pill to swallow since I always kind of saw Kristin as a wild card, getting her kicks wherever she wanted, and never really caring about love. The truth of it was, she probably cared more about love than me or Jessica. She just had a really strange way of showing it. It was obviously a way that her and Jason understood, and they were the only ones that mattered in the equation.
I smiled and climbed over onto Matt’s lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and looking deeply into his eyes. He smiled as I leaned forward, pressing my lips deeply against his and tasting the love and lust on his lips. Butterflies fluttered through my stomach, reminding me just how much I loved that man. He loved me, too, and I knew that, just like Jason had said. I didn’t need to hear him say it every day. I knew when he came home to me every evening, kissed me gently, and went through every moment in our lives, exciting, boring, and everything in between. I pulled back away from him and smiled, leaning in and pursing my lips by his ear.
“I have never wanted anyone else but you,” I whispered. “No matter what man I’ve slept with, no matter how many times I slept with other people, ever since the moment I laid eyes on you, you were the man I really wanted, in every way I could possibly want a man. You have given me the peace of mind, the love, the lust, and the emotions that have driven me through everything in my life. You are my best friend, my lover, and the man that I want to be with for the rest of my life.”
Matt leaned back and kissed me on the tip of my nose, smiling big. He looked at me as if he were contemplating what he wanted to say next. He wrapped his arms around my body and pulled me in closer to him.
“I feel the same way that you do,” he said. “I do have to admit, though, it certainly was a turn on when Kristin joined in earlier. I never thought I would feel comfortable with another person near us during sex, but watching what she did to you, how she pushed us together, and not apart, was extremely arousing in so many different ways.”
“It was unexpected,” I said, blushing. “But I won’t lie. It was extremely hot. I never thought I would feel comfortable with any woman touching you, or me when I was with you, but I knew that her touch wasn’t a threat, and it only made me want you more and more. It put a twist on our already amazing sex life. You felt so deep and so strong inside of me, and I was focusing on how much you filled me up, while automatically being taken to my climax. Like I said, it was extremely freaking hot.”
Matt looked at me with a smirk, nodding his head up and down. I was relieved to know that he found Kristin’s appearance in the bathroom just as hot as I had. He rolled his shoulders and bit his lip, looking as if he were replaying the memory over in his head. He rubbed his hand over his mouth and smirked.
“I came harder than I had in ages,” he admitted. “But it wasn’t because she was there. It was more than that. God, I don’t even know what I’m saying or what it has to do with anything. I just know that something was different, and it was so strong, and I instantly wanted more of you. I could have stayed in that bathroom for the rest of the day, just fucking you over and over again. What does that mean?”
“It means you are a red-blooded man who likes to have sex with beautiful women,” I said, smiling. “It means that you are able to understand that just because you love me, and just because I am the only woman in the world for you, it doesn’t mean that you have lost that desire. Just knowing that during all of that, you enjoyed being inside of me and watching me being pleasured, makes me feel so much closer to you. It makes me want you even more than I already do, which may not be a good thing for you.”
Matt threw his head back and laughed, picking it up and looking deeply in my eyes. He pulled his hands around my face and leaned in, pressing his lips deeply against mine. I could taste the Scotch on his lips and the desire on his breath, and that alone was extremely intoxicating. It got my mind wandering all over the place, thinking back to my days in college, thinking about the bathroom just an hour before, and thinking about how this vacation, with the help of Kristin, had brought me and Matt even closer than we already were. I felt like we had grown leaps and bounds in our partnership in just the time it took for an afternoon to pass by.
Suddenly, thoughts of Jason and Kristin passed through my mind, and the way that they lived their lives. I wondered if Matt and I could have a relationship like they did. I wondered if being in an open relationship was something that we were actually built for, and if it just took us being around people we were comfortable with to see that. I also wondered if it was something that Matt was thinking about and just didn’t want to bring to the surface just yet. Being honest was hard sometimes when fear was breathing down your neck, especially when it involved the person you loved most in the world.
I wasn’t really sure if I was ready for something that deep outside of that vacation. At least in the confines of the cabin with my closest friends, I felt like I could really enjoy myself like I had done in college with the three of them. Only this time, I would be enjoying my body with Matt by my side, watching him find extreme pleasure, watching the lust between us explode onto everyone else in the room. I would feel safe inside the cabin, but I wasn’t sure that I would feel comfortable back in the real world. Sharing Matt with a perfect stranger sounded absolutely terrifying, and even though I knew it was just my mind falling back on what I thought a relationship should be like, I knew that it would take me a lot of time to get to the point where I was safe and secure enough to open up like that.
Giving into the temptation that Kristin was dangling in front of me would be like going back to the old days, except with the addition of a couple of really hot guys. Sometimes, it was really frustrating having Jason be the only dick in the group, and having a couple extra ones might make everything that much better. I realized, as the heat flooded between my legs, that I was getting really turned on again. I shifted in Matt’s lap several times, squirming around, trying to get comfortable and push away that gut feeling that I wanted to get laid on the couch at that very moment.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
