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Joshua started laughing out loud.
“You are saying you have more in common with Marty?”
He threw his head back and laughed loudly as I sat there feeling heat rush up my collar.
"That is because you came from nothing, Natasha. You have to make an effort to understand where I've come from. I can't just stoop to your level just so we can have a hobby together."
What the hell? I remember thinking he may as well have just slapped me right there. I wasn't a Rockefeller. But I wasn't a welfare case either. I swallowed hard and tried to control myself as I looked him right in the eyes. He looked back at me as if he was searching for the chink in my armor.
"That wasn't nice."
"You really think you deserve to be treated nice?"
He sat there staring at me waiting for me to answer. Still leaning over the table at me like I was under cross examination for murder he seemed to enjoy making me feel small and foolish. A switch had been flipped and all I could think was Marty was right.
"Yes. I'm trying to be nice to you. I'm not saying I hate you or that I think there is something wrong with you. I'm just saying I don't want to date anymore. We can still be friends."
The words felt like big, dry, square blocks tumbling out of my mouth. I didn't want to be friends. Not now. I didn't want to be anywhere near this guy at this point. But I was trying to calm the waters for Marty. Just then, as if he heard me think his brother's name, Joshua glared at me. His hands slid across the table and he took hold of mine, squeezing them hard. The ring on my right ring finger of a simple pearl that I had gotten from my father when I turned sixteen was now digging painfully into my middle and pinky fingers.
He tilted his head to the right and smiled at me. Anyone walking by on the street who happened to look in would think we were in love. They would think he was whispering
sweet words to me and baring his feelings bravely in a public place. They would be so wrong.
"After all the things I've done for you." he hissed, still smiling like the Cheshire Cat. "After getting you a job, lifting you up out of the gutter. After all the things I bought you, the places I took you, and when you begged for it all the times I fucked you, this is the gratitude you show me?"
"Okay now!" I said, snatching my hands out of his and looking around at the people seated at nearby tables as my cheeks burned red hoping that no one had heard what Joshua just said. "That was totally uncalled for. If you're going to be like that then there is no reason for me to stay. You've made your point, Joshua. I got it." I began to scoop up my purse when I heard his voice. It was so close to me I thought I could feel his hot breath on my face and yet he hadn't moved from his seat.
"Sit your ass down." I looked at him to see the shadow of something sinister creep into his eyes. It reminded me of those nature shows that film the sun going across the sky in elapsed time and the shadows of the trees cross over the ground quickly. That was how fast darkness descended behind Joshua's eyes. My gut told me to run. But, the fearful rabbit that sees the fox inside my brain made me freeze and slip back into my seat. I clutched my purse to my chest as if my wallet and date book and mirrored compact and apartment keys might somehow ward off this evil thing that was staring at me.
"What do you think you can do, Natasha? Just walk away? Do you think my brother can help you?"
Now, I swear I didn't move a muscle on my face. I didn't shift in my chair. I didn't let out a sigh. I didn't do anything. But Joshua read my mind and saw Marty there.
"You do." he chuckled sadistically. "You think my brother the businessman will take you away from all this and what? Marry you? Will he marry you knowing I had you first? Will he stay with you knowing he owes it all to me? My brother will see you as a constant reminder of his baby brother who he hates."
"He doesn't hate you, Joshua." I said trying to appeal to his emotions if only to just get away from this place without making a scene.
"He doesn't?" Joshua asked, blinking. It was the venom in his voice that terrified me.
"No. He's never said anything bad about you. At least not to me. In fact, he's never said a word one way or the other." Again, the dry blocks. What was I saying? How would it help for Joshua to think Marty never gave him a second thought? Marty told me what he thought of his brother. And Joshua knew that or at least if he didn’t before he did now. He could see it in my expression. How dumb was I?
Joshua was practically shaking with rage. Any minute he was going to explode. And what did I do? I just sat there chewing my lip waiting for it to happen.
This wasn't me. This was how other women acted around guys who they were afraid of. Sitting and cowering and waiting for the abuse then once it was all over taking the blame and confessing their undying love for the poor, misunderstood brute. No. This wasn't me. Finally, I got my feet firm on the ground underneath my chair, pushed it noisily away from the little table in order to get every patron looking in my direction and stood up.
"You sit down." Joshua growled.
"I'm going now, Joshua. I'm sorry. Really I am. But you have made this a bad situation. Don't call me anymore." He tried to grab my arm but I wrenched it away, almost spilling the contents of my purse. A little fancy footwork and I was out of the coffee shop, out into the cool air and among the bustle of the sidewalk. Without looking back I ran for the subway.
I don’t know if he chased after me that day or not. It didn't matter. He made it clear that he wasn't going to just go away. And I did the wrong thing after that. I went to tell Marty.
Finally, snapping out of my daydream I saw Diamond push through the revolving door lugging a huge duffle bag with a backpack on her shoulders. I waved, no longer as afraid now that I felt the cavalry had arrived.
"I told you I just need a pair of jeans and a couple t-shirts." I said helping her set the bags down before giving her a big hug.
"I know but while I was there I thought you might need a few other things. There are pajamas, jeans, a sweater or two. Your make-up. Boots in case it rains and few other things to make the time pass on the train to your parents’ house." Diamond let out a sigh of relief as she slid into the booth opposite me and smiled. "How long are your folks in Europe?"
"They've still got about four weeks left on their vacation."
