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I’d never enjoyed working out (or eating healthy), and as a result, I had a figure that most would call “curvy.” I didn’t mind – I actually kind of liked the fact that I wasn’t a stick figure. But men had never really paid attention to me, and the few times they did, I always thought they were messing with me. I mean, who would want to ask me out? Especially when I was standing next to a knockout like Alexa.
“I’m not beautiful,” I said flatly. “I know that I’m not.”
Alexa rolled her eyes. She dropped my hand and it fell limply to my thigh. “Well, you’d better say yes. I know Steve would really like you.”
“I can’t,” I said. I shook my head. “Are you totally forgetting about finals? I have to study, Lex!”
Alexa blew a hank of hair off her face in frustration. “Belle, come on. You know you’re getting a four point this semester! And at this rate, you’re gonna be a virgin for the rest of your life!”
My cheeks flushed hotly. I hated the fact that I was a virgin, that I’d never really had any kind of experience with the opposite sex. It was totally embarrassing, especially as a girl who was more than three quarters of the way through her college experience. But there wasn’t much I could do about it – I wasn’t like Alexa. It wasn’t as though I could walk into a room and come out with five phone numbers, the way she always did.
“Shut up,” I mumbled. “I am not. I just…. haven’t found the right guy yet.”
Alexa snickered. Reaching forward, I grabbed the wooden spoon from the counter and smacked her on the shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah,” Alexa said. “And pigs can fly, what else don’t I know?”
I slumped down into a kitchen chair and crossed my arms over my chest. It wasn’t fair. I felt like a normal girl, but it was almost like there was something wrong with me. I obviously wasn’t normal. I’d never been kissed, much less had an actual date with a guy. But I still had needs. I still had crazy fantasies and dreams that made me wake up blushing.
Why wasn’t anyone able to see through me and realize how badly I wanted a boyfriend?
Just as I was about to ask Alexa what Steve looked like, the doorbell rang. Alexa’s head snapped up and she grinned. Turning to me, she pinched her cheeks and hurriedly tidied her hair in a knot.
“Expecting someone?” I raised an eyebrow. “Like, maybe Jared?”
Alexa licked her lips and shook her head. “Definitely not,” she said. “At least, I don’t think he’d try showing up without calling.” She rolled her eyes. “He knows that’s a bad idea.”
I bit my lip. I couldn’t think of who would be at the door – especially without calling. It wasn’t like I had a ton of friends.
I knew it must be someone for Alexa.
“Can you get it?” Alexa asked. “I have to run to the bathroom.” Without waiting for my reply, Alexa darted off, grabbing her cosmetics case from the kitchen island before disappearing down the hall.
With a sigh, I plodded towards the door and yanked it open. “Belle?”
The sound of my mom’s weak voice was enough to break my heart. I gasped when I saw her standing there. She was shivering against the cold, and wearing a black jacket that I didn’t recognize. When I looked over her face, I felt my heart plummet. Her eyes were rimmed with red and her cheeks were bloodless, pale. Her normally full mouth looked thin and saggy, like she’d aged ten years overnight.
I knew she wouldn’t just show up for no reason at all. There had to be something wrong – something really, really wrong.
“Mom?” I said tentatively. “What are you doing here?”
Mom was shivering uncontrollably. She wrapped her arms tightly around her body and hugged herself.
“Come in,” I said quickly, wrapping an arm around her thin shoulders and pulling her inside the apartment. “How long have you been outside?”
Mom looked at me with mournful eyes.
“Mitchell’s dead,” Mom whispered. “He was in a car accident.”
And with that, she collapsed against me.
“Alexa!” I screamed loudly. “I need your help!”
Fifteen minutes later, Mom, Alexa, and I were sitting together in the kitchen. The pasta had long been forgotten and I’d made tea for all three of us. Mom was clutching her mug with both hands, like it was some kind of magical, life-saving device.
“I can’t believe it,” Mom said hoarsely. “One minute, we were talking about plans for dinner.” She blinked and a tear rolled down her cheek. I was close to crying myself. My chest ached and my heart was pounding, but
somehow, the tears wouldn’t come. It was like I couldn’t be sad about Mitchell when I had Mom to take care of. She was, and always would be, my first priority.
