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“Oh, you know,” I said, drinking my beer. “Working, self-loathing, searching for Bea with no luck whatsoever, and hoping that she shows up this year like she said she would. That has pretty much been my entire year. Not one of the better ones, if you ask me.”
“I’m sorry you are going through this,” he said. “I know how it feels, and it isn’t pleasant.”
“With Hailey?”
“No,” he scoffed. “I knew Hailey was a wild card from the beginning. Our relationship was a bit more carnal than it ever was emotional. She was really cool, but not my long-term cup of tea. No, I meant my high-school sweetheart. We spent Valentine’s Day together last year, had an amazing time, and then she went back to school. We haven’t spoken since then, trying to keep separate lives since she is in college on the other side of the country. Every day, I wake up, and I think about that amazing night.”
“I hear you,” I said, shaking my head. “I’ve replayed my first kiss with Bea so many times that my brain is tired. It was New Year’s Eve, right out there in the courtyard. The fireworks were going off, the love was in the air, and everything was absolutely perfect. I’ll be honest with you, I haven’t been the same man since then. In fact, those around me would probably describe me as a wreck. I spend my days trying to keep myself occupied and my nights laying around, just thinking about her, wondering what she’s doing at that exact moment. Sometimes, I step back from myself and shake my head, wondering what happened to the man that I used to be. I was wild and free, and just a couple days before I met Bea, I had told Glen how dumb he was for wanting to get into a relationship. She made me want to settle down, to think of things I used to push away, like family and the future. Now, I’m left just trying to clean up the mess.”
“Well, just remember that no matter how cheesy it sounds, the holidays have always been a pretty magical time,” he said. “If I were you, I wouldn’t give up hope just yet. You have a few days before New Year’s Eve. It’s not over until that ball hits the ground, and the countdown is over.”
I smiled at Brian and watched as he moved over to help some guests that were arriving. Maybe he was right. If I was going to carry this with me all year, the least that I could do is see it out until the countdown reached zero. I didn’t want to have another entire year of nothing but regret and what ifs. I wanted to walk into the New Year with either Bea on my arm, or the memory of her in the past. I needed a do over, a year that I could say was a good year. It didn’t need to be anything exciting or out of the ordinary, but it needed to be better than what it had been since I left this place a year ago.
I was going to forfeit my New Year’s kiss this year, hoping that if it did happen, it came from Bea. But if it didn’t happen, and I was left sitting alone in the snow, then I would pledge one hell of a New Year the next time it came around. As much as I wanted to continue to search for Bea, trying to find her to tell her how I felt, I couldn’t spend the rest of my life looking for someone that at that point probably didn’t even want to be found. There was nothing worse than chasing after a girl but having no one behind you, chasing you. I knew that the man I had been this last year wasn’t the man I wanted to continue to be. I didn’t want to end up that grumpy old man that never got married, never had kids, and all because one woman broke him so badly that he spent the rest of his life, mulling over her memories, and constantly hoping for a better tomorrow.
Brian was right, I couldn’t give up hope yet, but I knew if she didn’t show, that hope that I was clinging to so strongly would be gone in the blink of an eye. For now, though, I was going to sit there and enjoy my beer, trying to put the whole situation out of my head.
Chapter 26
New Year’s Eve
Bea
I pulled the SUV into the parking lot and stopped. I took a deep breath, looking around at the snow and skiers, wondering if Cameron was out there somewhere, waiting for me. There were so many memories attached to this place, and I could already feel my heart pounding in my chest. I looked back at Lily, who was sitting in her seat, cooing happily. She had made the journey with me so if Cameron wanted to meet her, she would be ready for him. I had already talked to the hotel about their childcare, but I was extremely nervous leaving Lily with strangers. The only person I had left her with so far was Hailey, and it was only for about an hour when I drove out to the grocery store to pick up food for the house. Hailey was different, though. She had been there since day one, learning how to care for a baby just like me.
Maybe I should have brought her with me so she could have watched Lily. That would have been nearly impossible, though, since Hailey was now seriously dating a guy from her office. They had planned out an entire evening with each other, and there was no way I was going to ruin it. She had offered to come with me, but I declined, telling her that she had given up enough of her life over the last year to take care of me. This was something that I had to handle on my own.
They had told me earlier this year when I came looking for Cameron that he was already booked to be here this year, but an entire year had passed. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure that he would actually be there, but I was working on faith to get me through. I had told him I would meet him here this New Year’s Eve, and that was exactly what I planned on doing. I wasn’t sure what I would do if I found myself ringing in the new year all by myself. I figured, if nothing else, if I couldn’t find Cameron that night, I would go back and snuggle Lily, bringing in the new year with her. She and I were a team, and we had already developed a bond that would last a lifetime. She had just experienced her very first Christmas, which was cute since we dressed Hailey’s boyfriend up as Santa Claus and took pictures of him holding baby Lily in the snow.
Lily cooed again in the back, and I could tell she was starting to get restless. I got out of the car and strapped our bags to my body before lifting her car seat out and covering her up with a blanket. We made our way inside the hotel and to the reception desk, where I checked in and headed upstairs. Before I went to the day care, I wanted to make sure we were both freshened up after that drive. I washed my face and changed Lily’s diaper before sitting down on the bed by the fireplace and letting Lily eat. Nervously, I packed her bag with extra diapers, bottles of breastmilk for feeding, and several changes of clothes just in case. She was the light of my world, and I didn’t want to let her out of my sight for even a second, but I had to app
roach the situation with Cameron delicately, if he was even here.
I walked out to the elevators, carrying Lily and her pack and play for her to nap in. I climbed inside and looked up at the numbers, remembering my stay on the fifth floor. This time, I was on the third floor, and although my room wasn’t quite as luxurious, it was still really nice. It was more than enough for Lily and me to be comfortable. And hopefully, if I found Cameron and everything went as I hoped it would, he would be joining us, too, or maybe we would join him in his suite. Either way, I didn’t want to get my hopes up. Seldom did things ever actually go the way that I hoped they would, and I didn’t want to spend my time in Aspen in a ball of tears and baby diapers. I had to stay strong for Lily.
When the doors opened to the lobby, I took a big breath and walked across the marble floors to the concierge desk. He was talking to a couple of ladies about the best instruction to take, but I couldn’t hear him well enough to know whether he was talking about Cameron or not. I thought about asking, but figured I would know soon enough. Whether he was there alone or with someone else, my first task was to tell him about Lily, and then we could talk about my feelings for him.
“Hi,” I said to the concierge. “Could you point me toward the child care area?”
“Absolutely.” He smiled, looking down at Lily. “Right through the conference hallway at the end. You will know it when you see it. Trust me, it’s very colorful.”
“Thank you,” I said politely.
I made my way toward the corridor and glanced into the lounge, seeing Brian working busily behind the bar. He was too busy to see me, and I was okay with that. I was there for Cameron, not for socializing. Besides, the last thing I wanted to do was have to tell Brian that I had a baby, even before I had told Lily’s father. When I reached the childcare area, I smiled, seeing the brightly-colored walls inside the room. There were only two other children there, which made me feel better since I wanted to make sure Lily got the proper attention she would need. She was only two months old and not ready to be left on her own for very long.
At the front was a middle-aged woman, looking down at a stack of papers. I walked through the door, and she looked up, peering at me over her glasses. She smiled brightly at me as I approached, lugging the car seat along and setting it down at my feet. I reached down, unbuckled Lily, and pulled her out, handing the woman the pack and play.
“This must be beautiful little Lily,” the woman said, tickling her tummy gently. “And you must be Bea. It is so nice to finally meet you after all of our conversations.”
“You must be Mrs. Mouser,” I said with relief. “It’s so nice to meet you.”
“Well, come on,” she said cheerfully. “Let me show you around.”
We walked through the children’s area that I realized was a lot bigger than I thought it would be. She told me about their policies, about their closing times, and then explained that there would only be three or four children staying with her during the New Year’s Eve party. I was relieved since I wondered how one woman could take care of a room that full of kids.
“You look nervous,” she said, laying her hand on my arm.
“A little,” I replied. “You see, I’m meeting Lily’s father tonight. Well, at least, I hope that I am. We had a fling of sorts a year ago, and promised we would meet here tonight. We had no way to contact each other, so he doesn’t even know Lily exists. I’m going to fill him in tonight, as long as I can find him.”
