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I stood there for a moment, watching him power up his computer as if he hadn’t heard a word I said. I gave him time, knowing a statement like that was probably hard to fully process. I knew it was hard on Josie, but I couldn’t imagine how hard it had been for him, having lost his wife and now being in danger of losing his daughter as well. All because of the gambling addiction.
“Mind your own business,” he grumbled, waving me away.
My heart sunk a little. I had completely wasted my breath trying to talk to the man. He had given up on everything, from treatment to life, and the dull look in his eyes told me everything there was to know about the man. He had given up like I had, figuring the people in my life were either gone or
on their way out the door. It made me incredibly sad so I backed off, having said my piece. Just as I decided to end my conversation, Josie walked from her room and smiled at me, glancing at her father’s face, but hiding the shock she was obviously feeling. I hated that she didn’t feel comfortable enough to have me help her, but I also understood that I was new in their life, and she was used to handling these types of situations on her own.
I walked toward the door, hearing her tiny footsteps following after me. It was definitely time to go, and I could tell by Josie’s silence that she needed some alone time with her father. All I could do was support her choices and be there for her whenever she needed me. I walked to the door and opened it, stepping out onto the porch and watching her follow me out. She slowly closed the door and turned to me, a thankful look on her face.
“I’m sorry we have to cut the night short,” she said, pulling me close to her. “As you can imagine, I have a whole lot of questions for my father.”
“I know,” I said, smiling. “Just remember what I said. I am here for you, no matter what. If you need me, just call, and I’ll come right over. You are not alone this time around. I’m here for you.”
“Thank you,” she said, leaning in close to my ear. “I love you.”
The words flowed from her mouth and into my brain, sending shocks to my chest and stomach. I kissed her softly and pulled back, looking deep into her eyes. She smiled, knowing what I wanted to say and leaned up, kissing my nose. I watched as she walked back inside her house and shut the door behind her. The words, “I love you,” made me feel like the luckiest man on earth. I seriously felt like I was floating on cloud nine, unable to plant my feet on the ground. Time after time, I had watched my friends fall in love and start to act differently, and now, I knew why.
Josie was the first girl I had ever actually loved, and the feeling was absolutely amazing. I jumped into my car and headed off, replaying the thought over and over again in my head. I loved this girl, and it wasn’t just any love. I knew I would love her for as long as I had air in my lungs. I knew I would want her every time I was around her, and there was no stopping that. Despite the intrusion of her father and his addiction, this night had been the best one in my entire life. I had finally realized what being in love was all about, and I never wanted the feeling to end.
Chapter 16
Josie
I was exhausted. Between the hot sex with Blaine and the fact that I stayed up all night trying to find out who punched my father, there wasn’t a whole lot left of me. My father refused to tell me what was going on, and he’d turned to his computer screen, completely ignoring me. I stormed away and shut myself in my room, raging mad.
I stuck my neck out every single day for that man, and he had the audacity to hide his whereabouts from me. He didn’t have any respect for all the things I did for him, and even after all this time, I still couldn’t help but feel hurt by that fact. When I went to bed, I still couldn’t sleep. I laid awake in my bed, thinking about my father. Although I acted tough on the outside, on the inside, my thoughts were much more kind and caring for my dad. I was terrified that he had fallen in with the wrong group of people, taking loans that he could never afford to pay back, and satisfying his gambling addiction with that.
I had no idea what to do about this new twist on his old problem. I had seen him get tangled up with the wrong guys before, and it never turned out pretty for anyone. They had beaten the crap out of my father, and I had to empty my savings to pay back all the money he was indebted to them for. I was lucky that it appeased them, but I knew if it happened again, it would not be as simple or clean. I didn’t know what to do, no matter how hard I thought about it. If my father had gotten himself into trouble again, it meant I was in trouble, too. I had every right in the world to know what happened, but still, my father sat silent.
I was so incredibly frustrated by that man, and I was still pissed off the next morning after a restless night. I got dressed and made it to school early, not wanting to sit at my father’s breakfast table in an awkward silence. I sat down at my desk in my empty classroom, pulling out my phone and realizing that Blaine had texted me. I was so caught up in my father that morning, I had completely missed his texts.
Blaine: Hey there, beautiful. Do I get to see you tonight?”
Josie: I wish I could, but with my father back, I need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart with him. I need to focus on him now, knowing that things cannot continue to go the way they have been. I can’t take much more of it.
Blaine: I understand. Did you find anything out about the bruise on his chin?
Josie: No, he won’t talk to me about it. I’m getting the silent treatment like my students give me.
Blaine: I’m sure he will tell you in time.
Josie: I’m sure. Anyway, speaking of students, mine will be here soon. I’ll text you later and let you know how everything went.
Blaine: You better. Love you, sweetheart.
Josie: Love you, too.
I smiled as I read the texts out loud, excited that I could say those words and know that they were true. I went through the rest of my day in robot mode, just trying to get to the end of the day without any emotional outbursts. When school was over, I took a deep breath, knowing the only thing I had to look forward to that night was forcing my father to admit to me what he had done. I wanted Blaine to be by my side so badly, but I also knew my father barely talked to me, much less my new boyfriend that he probably didn’t even recognize.
When I got home, my father was still sitting at the computer and didn’t even look up to say hello to me. I walked into the kitchen and started dinner, pulling out a pot roast and potatoes because I knew it was his favorite meal. I thought maybe if I got him in a good enough mood, he would open up to me a little. At least, that was what I hoped would happen. Whether it would work or not was a completely different story. I stood there in the kitchen, thinking about everything while dinner was cooking. When I pulled it out of the oven, I set the table and called my father over to sit down. He grumbled something and walked over to his seat, looking at the food but not changing his expression.
While we were eating, I ran over what I wanted to say in my head several times, trying to come up with the words that would break through to my father. Ever since he had fallen deeper into his addiction, he had blocked me out and had become incapable of any emotional connection with me at all. It was really difficult to get to the root of any of his problems when he refused to talk to me about them. He had long passed the arguing stage where he tried to convince me he was fine. Now, he just grumbled and whispered under his breath. The fact that he was so miserable broke my heart, especially since I could clearly remember my father as a jubilant and kind man, who loved me very much. Even after his gambling addiction took hold, he would come home and thank me for staying when my mother up and left.
“Dad,” I said, putting down my fork. “I want to talk. Something has got to change here. We can’t keep living like this. I don’t know who did that to your face, but I can see that you are back on a dangerous path. If you can’t open up to me, I can’t help you, and I’m terrified that something horrible is going to happen to you. I love you so much, and it kills me to see you getting hurt.”
I stopped and stared at him, waiting for a response. He pushed the food around on his plate and mumbled something to himself. He shoveled some potatoes into his mouth and went on with his meal, ignoring everything I was saying. However, as a fist started pounding loudly on the door, he could no longer ignore his surroundings. I watched my father’s face go from angry to fearful very quickly, and his fork tapped against his plate as his hands began to shake. He was absolutely terrified, which made me scared to go to the door. I sighed and pushed my chair back, but he reached out and grabbed my arm, shaking his head. We sat there silently for several moments, hoping that whoever it was would think we weren’t home and would leave.
However, as I went to sit back down, the pounding sta
