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“Well, I can admit that I didn’t try to convince you to stay,” I said. “I let you go without a fight and just slunk down in my depression, not even sure what I was depressed over. I didn’t fight for you to stay, and though it wasn’t on purpose, I know it was something in the back of my mind. I think I knew it wouldn’t work no matter how hard I fought, so I didn’t.”
“I know,” he said sitting back. “I noticed that right away. I realized that on about day three that you weren’t going to try to fight for me. I wasn’t playing games, but I guess when you’re in a relationship and you suddenly break it off, you wonder how much they will really fight to keep you. It made me bitter that you had given up just as easily as I had, but I was made out to be the terrible person. People on the outside, especially the ones who have never been married or in a serious relationship don’t understand how marriage is a two-way street. Why would you fight for someone who didn’t even show a tiny amount of sadness when they no longer had you in their life? I knew then, our relationship had never been as strong as we liked to try to make it out to be.”
“I agree with you,” I said. “For me, I just didn’t have anything else in me at that moment. My heart was completely broken, and I didn’t know where to go next, so I just gave up.”
“Well,” Jordan said, standing up and reaching down for my hand. “We had some really good times together, and I want to keep our friendship alive. I want to be an uncle for that baby, too, but you just have to give me some time to adjust.”
“I can do that,” I said, leaning in as he wrapped his arms around me and squeezed, kissing me on the top of my head.
Jordan walked me to the door and smiled as I walked out feeling so much better about everything. I was finally able to sit down and have a conversation with him that didn’t include yelling, screaming, or name calling. In the end, I realized that neither one of us thought we were meant to be, but in the end, we both did things that really hurt the other person. I felt bad about that fact and realized that I truly did give up on Jordan as soon as the waters got rough. I took the elevator downstairs and hopped in a cab, giving them Jason’s address. I pulled out my phone and dialed his number, listening to it ring and ring until the answering service picked up the call. I hung up feeling frustrated at the fact that he wasn’t answering my calls. Where was he? I could feel my emotions start to simmer up in my chest, and immediately, I was worried that after all of that, he was going to be the one to give up on me. There was no way I was going to let that happen.
Chapter 31
Jason
My brain was completely wired, and all I could do when I walked in the house was drop my bag on the floor and plop down on the couch. I sat there drinking a beer and flipping through the channels, not actually focusing on anything. Instead, I was letting my mind simmer, forcing my unconscious to do the work my conscious mind was too tired to take on. After a few hours, I yawned and flipped off the television. I tossed my bottle into the trash and grabbed another out of the fridge. As the door shut, I heard a knock at the door. I groaned. Who the hell would be showing up at the house at night without letting me know first? I opened the door, and my gaze fell on Tiffany. She was shivering from the cold, and tears were running down her cheeks. I immediately pulled her inside and wrapped my arms around her, the look on her face shocking me back to reality. I pulled back and looked into her weepy eyes.
“What happened?”
She shook her head and walked into the house, taking her coat off and rubbing her arms up and down. She looked around and then turned back to me, still crying. I was completely at a loss and had no idea what could be wrong with her. We had just left work a few hours before.
“Why are you so upset with me?” She was almost sobbing at that point, and I had no idea what she was talking about. I walked over and hugged her again, not even knowing what to say. “I called you several times.”
I looked around the room searching for my phone, but I didn’t see it on any of the surfaces. I patted my pockets trying to find it until my eyes rested on my bag by the door. I hadn’t even thought about my phone when I got home, instead, I had walked in and dropped my bag, leaving everything from the day barely inside the house. I shook my head and chuckled at the ridiculous of the situation, quickly straightening my face as she looked up at me angry.
“I came home and was so tapped, I just dropped my bag by the door,” I explained. “I went over and sat on the couch and channel surfed. My phone was inside my bag, and I didn’t hear it ring. It’s probably still on silent from work.”
She turned and looked at the bag on the floor and then back at me, sniffling as she let the information process. She let out a deep breath and walked into the living room, plopped down on the couch, and pulled the throw around her shoulders. She was freezing cold, and I wondered why she was out so late. She should be tucked warmly in her bed by now, not knocking on my door in tears.
“I just came from Jordan’s house,” she said. The words shot right into my chest, and I was almost afraid to ask why. There was plenty of time for her to go talk to Jordan. Why did she feel the need to go over there right after we had an argument about it? I could feel my jealousy start to bubble up in my chest, and I tried to push it down so I could hear her out.
“Why?”
“I needed to hash all of this crap out with him,” she explained. “For you and for the baby. I don’t want to bring this child into a family that can’t even be in the same room during holidays. I needed to explain to him what really happened. We never had that conversation after he left, and it's important. It kind of helps break that tie that is there when you’re married to someone.”
“I understand all of that,” I said, sighing. “What I don’t understand is why it was so important that you had to rush over there tonight to do it. Jordan wasn’t going anywhere, regardless of whether he quit or not. I just don’t understand why he is so important to you.”
She sat there for a minute, looking at me like I was crazy. I thought that was a pretty straightforward question, but apparently, it was the wrong one. I took in a deep breath and braced myself for her answer.
“Because I wanted this shit figured out right now, not tomorrow, not six months from now, right now,” she said angrily.
“I understand,” I said. “But it still bothers me.”
“Look,” she said standing up and pulling on her jacket. “I don’t know what the hell you want. Would you rather sit around and let this go on and on forever? You know that isn’t going to work, and it's only going to continue to push us further apart.”
“Tiffany, I only mean—”
“I know what you mean,” she said interrupting me. “Think long and hard about us, your life, our family, and this baby. You need to understand what you want before you go getting angry at me for trying to fix this giant mess.”
She stomped across the apartment, buttoning up her coat. She walked down the steps and out the front door, slamming it behind her. I walked over to the window and watched as she hailed a cab, climbing inside and taking off down the street. She was so angry, but I didn’t understand why. Everything was going to work itself out in the end. I knew it, but I didn’t need to picture the woman carrying my baby rushing over to her ex-husband's house to make things right with him when she left me sitting in the office reeling after she and I got into it. I felt like I was being chosen last for the game, and I didn’t like it at all.
I walked over and sat down on the couch, left alone again, but stunned at what just happened. My mind was going crazy thinking about what she said before she left. I knew what I wanted. I had always known what I wanted, and it was her. I had spent years pining over Tiffany, even when I didn’t consciously realize I was doing it. Then, after all that time, I had finally gotten her in my arms and to make matters even more exciting, we were expecting a baby together. She was the girl of my dreams and always had been. I had just gotten her, and now I was sitting alone in my house terrified that I was about to lose her, and I really didn’t understand why. I knew it was important to her to hash all of this out, but it had only been a day since my brother and I had duked it out in the parking garage at work. Now, I was faced with the idea that I could lose her and my brother at the same time. This was not at all what I thought of when I pictured myself taking time to really let my mind rest tonight. I should be curled up in bed with Tiffany, not watching her run from my house, wondering if I’ll ever see her again. Either way, I loved that woman, and I wanted to be with her and my child, and I was not going to let anyone take that away.
I walked over and pulled my phone from my bag, looking at the calls I had missed. They were all from Tiffany and all while she was probably on her way over to my house. I flipped through my phone and pressed call. I needed to talk to Jordan, really work this out if it were at all possible. I completely expected to get the voicemail, but was really surprised when he picked up after the first ring. The first few seconds of the conversation was awkward, so I cut through the bullshit and just started talking.
“Look, man,” I said with a sigh. “I love you. You are my brother. I never meant to hurt you with this whole Tiffany business. I never planned to fall in love with her. I never planned to start a family with her. In the beginning, I was simply checking up on her because I knew what she was going through was probably fucking hard and painful, and we were the only family she knew. I didn’t even see it coming.”
