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Now here I am being taken over and over by the love of my life with our unborn child between us as he once again demands I marry him and I am trying my best not to cry, knowing I can’t say yes and that I have already decided to leave and go stay with my cousin Love, her husband Trimble and their four kids. “Mark, please.” I plead with him, half asking him to stop asking me, making it harder for me to say no and half pleading with him to finish, to heat me up inside for the last time.
“No, baby. Tell me you will marry me. I love you so much, baby. Be my wife.” I want that so much, but he has bigger dreams, and I can’t follow him.
“I love you too, Mark. So much.” Like they always do the words whispered to him in his ear send him over the edge and I follow him, our mouths chasing one another. I lay on his chest, trying to catch my breath, not wanting this stolen moment to end.
“You ok, baby? You seem…far away.” He looks into my eyes, holding my chin.
If only he knew how far away I am really going to be.
Chapter One
TIFFANY
I can’t believe I am doing this. I can’t believe I am doing this. I am in my car, driving down the expressway on my way back home. Home. The place where I grew up, learned what I wanted to do with my life, fell in love with the love of my life, lost my virginity, found out I was pregnant and subsequently walked away from the love of my life without a single word to him. Not a single word. A letter. A text. A postcard. Nothing. What kind of horrible person does this? Me apparently. I assume you are mumbling under your breath, wondering why in the hell I would do such a thing. Right? I have been asking myself the same question.
I have been gone for the past six months living with my cousin Love, her husband Trimble, and their four adorable kids. I needed to clear my head. Decide what I want for my life without the pressure of everyone's’ expectations. Don’t get me wrong, I love Mark and I can see our life together as clear as day. But, the problem is, I believe he wants something different than me. I know. I should have just told him and talked to him, but I think I was scared to hear his answer. I was chicken shit basically. So instead, I tucked my tail between my legs, our unborn child tucked safely inside of me, transferred my college classes and ran.
My cousin in all of her wisdom, tried to talk me out of it. She told me how her and her now husband had a similar situation after he killed her grandfather to protect her and then disappeared. She found out five years later after she had given birth to their son, that he was forced into the military and was restricted from contact with her for that time. She told me how much of their son's life he missed and how cheated she felt missing out on what they could have had. She told me I could stay to finish school, but that I should come back home and do the right thing after. Yeah. Easy for her to say. Have I mentioned that my parents don’t know I am pregnant either? Exactly. What a clusterfuck.
I watch out of my car window as signs pass by rapidly, taunting me with how close I am to my destination and the closer I get, the more my stomach rumbles. Patting it, I try to soothe our daughter. “I know little girl. Mommy’s hungry too, but right now, I can’t eat anything.” She does what I assume is a flip and I can't help smiling. When everything seems bleak and impossible, every flutter and kick reminds me I am living for more than myself now.
The thing is, I contemplated not going home like Love said I should. I entertained for a week or so the possibility of moving somewhere new, avoiding the inevitable, but it all came back to the same two things: I want my baby raised with my family and Mark’s. She deserves to know her father, even if he is not living in the place we made her. So I decided to return home where I have always felt my safest. Happiest. Loved. It’s simple really. I am returning to love.
Up ahead the sign reads Cupid’s Cove ten miles and I need to vomit. My chest begins to heave, and a faint panic overtakes me. Bzzz. Thank God for the phone. “Hello.”
“Hey cuz. Just checking on you. How close are you?” Love. I smile even though I am blaming her for this decision.
