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This is what I get for jumping into something head first. I’m too angry to eat dinner so I don’t cook any for myself, but Ivy’s dinner is ready. I use the time while she’s napping to arrange our stuff all the while alternating between red hot anger and wanting to bawl.
I have a knack for attracting liars. First Gabriel and now Logan.
As I’m working, my mother calls to invite me to her place the following day saying she has someone she wants Lexi and me to meet. I don’t give it a lot of thought and automatically say yes and as soon as I end the call, my mental space is filled once again by thoughts of Logan.
Ivy wakes up from her nap and we spend an hour playing before we begin our evening routine. We start our evening routine which keeps me occupied but later, after I’ve bathed, fed and tucked Ivy in, I’m left alone with my regrets and pain.
I stand at the kitchen window that faces the street. Logan is not home yet but I refuse to speculate over where he could be. I’d told the woman who called that he was still at work, and she’d said that she would call him there.
I cock my ears every time I hear the sound of a car in the distance and my muscles tense in anticipation. Disappointment comes over me when the car zips past. Finally, disgusted with myself, I leave my spot at the window and open my laptop.
I immerse myself in admin work until my eyes are too tired to stay open. I turn off my laptop and turn off the lights. My bed doesn’t feel like it’s mine. I’d gotten used to sleeping in Logan’s bed and having his big arms wrapped around me.
Even though I’m physically exhausted, I don’t immediately fall asleep. My thoughts veer to Logan. Here in my bed, surrounded by darkness, I’m helpless against my vulnerabilities. One thing that I’m almost sure of is that Logan has no woman in his life. That’s not what hurts. What does is that I shared a lot of my life with him, and he shared none. I feel used but I still have my pride and he doesn’t need to know how much he hurt me.
***
My first reaction is joy when I glance out my bedroom window and see Logan’s truck. Then reality comes crashing down when I recall what happened yesterday. Pain ripples through me again. I close my eyes and inhale deeply willing it to ease.
I haven’t known Logan for long and I’m not in love with him. What is hurt is my pride, not my heart. Armed with that thought, I swing my legs to the edge of the bed and push myself to my feet. There’s a lot to do before Ivy wakes up, the first of which is to take a shower. Stupid tears run down my face when I’m showering. I’m such a weakling to cry over a man I’ve known for less than two months.
After my shower, I feel more in control of my emotions, and I dress and then wake Ivy up.
“Good morning, my sweetheart,” I croon as I look down at her. She smiles sweetly and my heart melts. I don’t need a man. I have all the love I need from my daughter. I pick her up and shower her with kisses which makes her giggle. She wraps her little hands around my neck and lays her head on my shoulder. I cuddle her for a few minutes and then get her ready for the day.
It’s bittersweet leaving the cottage without seeing or talking to Logan. A picture of him sprawled on the bed springs to my mind as I drive to Lexi’s place. Heat envelops me as I remember how it feels like to run my hands over the rippling muscles of his chest and flat stomach. My thoughts don’t stop there. Hot, dark need seeps into me when an image of his gorgeous cock comes to my mind. By the time I get to Lexi’s, I’m a mess. I long to turn the car around and go and confront him. Demand to know just where I feature in his life.
Thankfully, I come to my senses and after I drop off Ivy, I head to work, keeping my thoughts tightly in check. I’m alone for the better part of the morning but Eva comes in when I’m in the midst of teaching a class.
When I’m done, she has a takeout coffee for me. “You’re a lifesaver,” I tell her, settling in front of my computer.
“You look like you need it. Something happened with lover boy?”
“That’s exactly what Logan is. A boy.” My voice is harsh, shocking Eva.
“It’s a phrase,” she says.
A sigh escapes my lips. “I know and I’m sorry. I’m just having a lousy day, which is totally stupid as I brought all this on myself.” I tell her the whole thing and throughout, Eva keeps a passive face.
