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Guilt sometimes catches me unawares, especially late at night and I wonder what kind of a man I was that she was not comfortable telling me that she was pregnant. It takes two people to make a baby and I was just as responsible for her pregnancy as she was.
Thinking about Jade makes me think of Ivy’s dad. Did Jade view me the same way Vanessa views Ivy’s dad? It’s sickening to think that I was that kind of man. The kind who cannot be told that he’s a dad, because like it or not, that one was on me. Jade saw something in me that made her believe I could not be a responsible dad.
I wish Vanessa would tell Ivy’s dad about her. I agree a hundred percent that he’s an asshole but he’s still Ivy’s dad and he needs to know that he’s a father. However, I already shared my views with Vanessa, and telling her again will be crossing the boundaries of relationships. Ultimately, it’s her decision.
I push the stroller to a bench and lift Emma out of it.
“Are you hungry, sweetheart?” I fish for her bottle in the bag and when I give it to Emma, she happily and hungrily sucks on it.
We sit contently on the bench and as I imagine the picture we cut, a chuckle escapes. If my old conquests could see me now. So much for my ladies’ man reputation.
After her bottle, I hold her upright against my chest and gently rub her back. Seconds later, she rewards my efforts with a loud burp. I hold her for a few minutes longer and when I lower her to the stroller, I see that she’s fast asleep. I pack away the diaper bag and push the stroller in the direction of the park exit. It was a nice, peaceful afternoon and I can’t wait to do it again. Maybe this time I’ll take her home for the afternoon. That would be awesome.
Emma is still sound asleep when I drop her back at her grandparents’ house. I sit and chat for a few minutes and then it’s time to go and meet John at First bar.
Parking is an issue around the bar, and I park at the station and walk a few blocks down to the middle of the street where the bar is. I walk past the pizza shop owned by Ace’s older brother and remind myself to get a pizza to go for Vanessa. I’m met by the soft buzz of conversation when I enter. Most of the patrons of the First bar are first responders. Cops, firefighters, and paramedics.
The owners are two guys who are former firefighters. I scan the bar and wave to a few guys I recognize from the station. John hasn’t arrived yet and I go to the bar and exchange pleasantries with Marcus, one of the owners. I order a beer and sit nursing it while waiting for John.
I hope with all of my being that it’s good news for Vanessa. She’s had enough pain in her life. From snippets of conversations about her past, I know that she and Lexi had a rough time growing up with an alcoholic mother. She needs good stuff now. The door swings open and John enters and heads my way. He orders a beer and suggests we sit at one of the tables at the far end of the room, away from the noise.
“What do you have?” I ask him as soon as we sit down.
He places a folder on the table. “It’s quite a story but I found the man. He’s the one whose grave was marble. His name was Edward Campbell, and he came from a pretty well-off family,” John says.
We both take sips of our beers before he continues with his report.
“He and Vanessa’s mother, Lydia, were never officially married. In fact, they lived a hippie life and had one baby and then another. Edward cleaned up his act after their second child was born. He took his family back home. Lydia never sobered up and continued drinking and pretty soon, they all got fed up with her, including Edward.
“By then he had started working at one of the family businesses and Lydia’s continued drinking caused a rift between them. His family wanted her out of their lives. She was embarrassing them.
“She moved out, but Edward continued supporting her and visiting the girls. Then she met some guy and simply disappeared. He could have searched for her, but he chose not to. He married a girl he had grown up with from his own circle and they had two girls as well. He died five months ago.”
“How old are his daughters?” I ask.
“Slightly younger than Vanessa and Lexi. They are twenty-five and twenty-four.” He taps the folder. “All the information is here.”
