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Vanessa giggles. “I do have a sister, yes. But she’s married.”
“You’ve all met Ace, right?” I ask my siblings. The only person who has not met my friends at the station is my father.
They nod.
“He’s married to Vanessa’s sister,” I tell them.
“Her name is Lexi if my memory serves me correctly,” Josh said. As a cop, his memory for people and names is astounding.
“She’s still completely asleep,” mom says returning to the kitchen. “I’ll buy a baby monitor for the next time you bring her for a visit.” She sits down and smiles, pure joy radiating from her eyes. “There’s nothing like grandchildren to give you a new lease of life.”
I don’t remind her that she’s only been a grandmother for less than a month.
“Are there grandchildren in your family yet, Vanessa?” mom asks.
Vanessa tells her about Ivy and Mom lets out a cry of glee.
“The more the merrier,” Mom says. “I can’t wait to meet her. It’ll make me feel as if I have two grandchildren.”
“My sister has two children,” Vanessa continues. She looks completely at ease now.
There’s a lot of good-natured teasing in my family and I’m glad that she’s taken it positively. Not everyone does. It’s Janice’s turn to clean up after lunch and Vanessa insists on helping her.
Emma chooses that moment to wake up, letting out a loud cry that startles everyone except Vanessa and me.
“And here I was worried that we wouldn’t hear her when she woke up,” Mom says.
I go to the guest bedroom where she’s sleeping and clean her up first. My Mom comes in when I’m changing her diaper.
“I’m so proud of you for taking up your responsibility,” she says leaning on the doorway.
“Thanks, Mom, but I haven’t fully taken it up. She’s still living with her grandparents.”
“You will, in good time,” she says and pauses for a beat before continuing. “I like Vanessa. She’s a lovely young woman.”
“I think so too.”
It’s a nice afternoon. Everyone gets to hold Emma, including my clumsy brothers. Later in the evening, we say goodbye and take Emma back to her grandparents’ house.
“Your family is so normal. The kind of family I dreamed of having when I was growing up,” Vanessa says.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “It was just you and Lexi most of the time, right?”
“When we were lucky,” Vanessa says. “When Mom was home, it was chaotic and frightening. You never knew whether she was asleep or dead. I lived with the fear that I’d find her dead one day.” She sounds so serene when talking and yet what she and her sister endured was horror.
“I wish we could go back in time and make things better for you,” I tell her.
“I’m all right now. I’ve been able to put it all in the past and learning about Dad and getting to know my sisters has been awesome,” Vanessa says.
A comfortable silence falls between us broken only by Emma’s baby snores. She’s exhausted after an afternoon filled with so much excitement. I’m glad she has all these people to shower her with love.
“Is it true that you’ve never seriously dated after Lisa?” Vanessa asks.
I nod. “Yep, not hard to do after the humiliation I went through.” I can speak without bitterness now and even take some ribbing from my siblings. “I never thought that I’d ever have feelings for another woman ever again.” I glance at Vanessa, meet her gaze, and then turn my attention back to the road.
“For me, it was different in that I never thought of marriage when I was with Gabriel. It came to my mind when I got pregnant but only in the sense of how nice it would have been to get pregnant when I get married,” Vanessa says.
“Have you ever come close to marriage?” I ask her.
“Not even once,” she says.
Clearly, Vanessa has issues with marriage, and for some reason that puts a damper on my spirits. It’s weird because I’ve no intention of getting married. It’s just not in the works for me. Now that I have Emma, my priority is to raise her right and be there for her.
Thanks to Vanessa, I’m not averse to a relationship, in particular with one special lady and her beautiful daughter. But I can’t offer more than that and from what Vanessa is saying, she doesn’t want more than what we have.
We drop off a still sleeping Emma at her grandparents, say goodbye and I promise to pick her again during the weekend. My chest squeezes as we drive away. I already miss her. She’s become a part of me.
“One day, you won’t have to drop her off,” Vanessa says.
I inhale deeply. “Thanks. That thought keeps me going.”
“What stops you from bringing her home?” Vanessa asks.
I’ve asked myself that question a thousand times. I’m running out of excuses. “I guess I don’t feel ready yet.”
