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“What if I say no?” I say.
“I want a family, Vanessa and I want Ivy to be at the center of that family. I’d hate to be forced to try and make that family with Pam. I want it to be you,” he says. He abruptly gets to his feet. “Dump the boyfriend. He’s got to go.”
Bile rises up my throat. “Gabriel, please. This is crazy. You cannot force someone to have a relationship with you.”
He looks at me as if it’s taking all his patience to reason with me. “But I’m not forcing you. I’m willing to wait until you’re ready and I know you will be. I’ll text you and we can arrange dinner this week.” He walks to the door and grips the knob. “I can’t tell you how happy this makes me. Life feels exciting again.”
He steps out and slowly shuts the door, leaving me gaping after him. I don’t believe that just happened. My breathing comes out fast as if I’ve just come in from running.
This cannot be legal. No one can coerce you to go to dinner with him or to break up with your boyfriend. Not in this day and age. I want to laugh it off, but I can’t dislodge the fear that is wrapped around my heart.
A knock comes on my door and my breath halts. I’m relieved when Eva peers in and I let out a sigh of relief.
She closes the door. “Hey, was that Gabriel?”
I nod. “Yes. He came by to make arrangements on how and when he’ll be seeing Ivy.” The words leave my mouth without me knowing why I’m lying about Gabriel’s visit.
I can’t tell Eva the truth. I know what she’ll say. Don’t do it. Don’t let him bully you. But she wasn’t there to see the glint of determination on his face. I know it was not an idle threat. He is more than capable of taking Ivy from me.
What kind of woman is Pam to want to take a woman’s child from her? My heart expands painfully.
“Oh,” Eva says. “So, you came to an understanding about Ivy? That’s good, right?”
“Yes,” I tell her faking brightness. “It’s what I wanted for Ivy.”
She stares at me for several seconds without speaking. “Good. I have a class soon. I’d better get ready for it. See you soon.” She waves and leaves.
My phone vibrates with a text message. I remember what Gabriel said about texting me to arrange a dinner date and I shudder. I push away thoughts of his visit when I see that the message is from Logan.
Logan: Hey babe… I just happen to be in the area. Can I buy lunch for my lady?
Me: I’d love to.
Ditch the firefighter.
I harden my resolve. No one gets to tell me how to run my life.
Logan: I’m knocking right now.
I let out a laugh and look up at the door just as a knock shakes it.
“Come in,” I say laughing, and push my chair back.
Logan enters and I run into his arms.
“Hi, sweetheart,” he says, folding me into his body.
“Hi.” I bury my head in his chest and inhale his masculine scents.
How can I stay away from Logan when I’ve only just found him? When he makes me so happy? Icy pain freezes my limbs. I want to burst out into tears, but this is my battle and I’m going to fight this one myself.
Logan draws back to kiss me. He searches my face. “Are you okay?”
“Now I am,” I tell him. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”
I hate that I have to lie to him by omission. If I tell him Gabriel’s threats, he’ll laugh them off. But I can’t afford to lose my daughter. I’m pulled in two different directions but only one side can win. I’m not losing my daughter and I’ll do anything to keep her. Anything.
Logan takes me to lunch in a nice outdoor café. My heart is heavy as I accept that this special thing with Logan might come to an end. What will I have to look forward to if I don’t have our future to think about? What reason will I give him for ending things between us when things are going so well?
What about Emma? I’d promised myself that I’d be there for her and shower her with as much love as I do Ivy? Breaking up with Logan means that I won’t be able to do that.
After the server takes our orders, Logan takes my hand and stares into my eyes.
“I love you, Vanessa Allen,” he says.
My heart stops and my chest squeezes. No no no. This is not what I want to hear now when I’m contemplating ending things with him.
Chapter 38
Logan
It’s been a terrible day at work. And for a firefighter to have a terrible day, you can be guaranteed that there has been some loss of life. I responded to a call out for a single-vehicle rollover on the highway and my first thought had been relief because it was one vehicle. But it had been a gruesome accident with the victim dying on the spot. Back at the station, we barely cleaned up before another call-out came for a domestic violence situation. Those never go well.
