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I hope she had a good night’s sleep at her aunt’s house. For as long as I have known them, Ivy has always slept in her crib. I wonder how she reacted to sleeping in a strange bed.
The water pelts my skin and I stand under the shower fighting with the memories of being in this same space with Vanessa just weeks ago. As hard as I try to keep her away, she haunts my every thought.
Fiona and Emma are in the main living room and her face lights up when she sees me. My heart lightens and suddenly, it dawns on me that I already have a family. Emma is my family. I don’t need Vanessa to complete our family.
“Good morning, sweetheart,” I say to her after exchanging greetings with Fiona. I pick her up and kiss her plump cheeks. “Grandma and grandpa will stop by today.”
She makes happy noises as if she can understand what I’m saying. I pick her up and cradle her in my lap.
“We’ll be okay,” I murmur to myself and to Emma.
Chapter 39
Vanessa
Workdays have become unbearably long and I’m glad that today is Saturday, and I can go home early. Not that I’m looking forward to that either. Seeing Logan’s truck or seeing him in the garden is its own special torture.
I thought that my breakup with Gabriel the first time had been bad, but it was nothing compared to this. I’m filled with so much sadness, I feel as if I might drown in it. I miss Logan with every fiber of my being. My life has lost all meaning and darkness has slowly crept into my heart. The only time I’m moderately happy is when I’m with Ivy. I think she misses Logan too as she keeps looking at the cottage door when we’re home. I miss Emma too. I hate that I’m not keeping the promise I made to her.
Since I told Logan about Gabriel, we have not met face to face again, but I’ll never forget the look of utter desolation that had come over his features. I hate that I did that to him, but Ivy’s welfare comes first. I can’t lose her. Not even for Logan. It sounded and felt like the right decision at the time. The only thing I hadn’t considered was that my own light would slowly dim. I’m losing myself. I’m not the mother that Ivy needs. I don’t laugh or play with her anymore. I cannot summon the energy.
And these stupid dinner dates with Gabriel have to stop. I’m done with being coerced and blackmailed. But I don’t know how to bring it to an end. Every time I see him, the hatred in my heart grows.
A knock comes on my door, startling me out of my thoughts. “Yes?”
I’m relieved when Eva walks in. I love our clients but I’m glad it’s not one of them needing a long-winded explanation of something.
“Hey, stranger,” she says and plops down on the visitor’s seat. “How is it that we work together, and I never see you?” she says cocking her head to one side to stare at me.
I smile. “It’s been a busy few days.”
“How is my favorite little girl in the whole wide world?” she says.
“She’s fine,” I say. “Growing too fast.”
“Logan? Emma?”
“They’re fine too though I haven’t seen them in a few days.” I’ve stuck to my decision of not telling Eva what’s been happening between Gabriel and me.
“You don’t look fine, Vanessa,” Eva says bluntly. “What’s wrong?”
I smile brightly. “There’s nothing wrong at all. But I do need a favor from you.”
“Sure, anything,” Eva says.
“Do you mind taking over my class for Kyle and Grace Brice on Monday?” I ask her.
She clamps her mouth and shrieks. “Mind? Hell, Vanessa, I’ll do it for free.” She jumps to her feet. “I can’t believe that it’s finally happening. What will I wear?”
“It’s a class, not a move premier,” I tell her with a dry tone.
She looks at me as if I don’t understand, then she claps her hands together. “Thanks, Vanessa and don’t worry about a thing. I’ll do a superb job.”
“I know you will. I’ll send you their file by email.”
When Eva leaves, I let out a sigh of relief. That was close. I feel guilty for using her weakness for celebrities to distract her. Just as I’m settling down to wrap up a few things before I leave, another knock comes on my door.
A groan escapes my lips. “Come in,” I said without enthusiasm. It’s probably Eva who forgot to ask or tell me something.
To my surprise, it’s not Eva but my sister who walks in.
“Lexi,” I say and stand up to hug her. She’d already left this morning when I dropped off Ivy. “What are you doing here?” I ask her. “I was about to leave.”
