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“You don’t have to say anything, Mags,” Robert tells me, running a hand through his hair. “I just wanted you to know.”
Anger tightens my chest. Or is it just sadness that we couldn’t have been more honest before?
“I have something to get off my chest too,” I admit to him. “You knew you weren’t Bridget’s father. You never told me, and you know I spent so many nights—”
He looks away. “You don’t understand, I didn’t want it to be true.”
“Didn’t want what to be true?” I get that he must’ve been hurt, but it’s no excuse. Frustration rises up in me and I take a deep breath to try and calm it down. “Explain it to me. I’m here to listen.”
He runs both hands down his face and drops them back to his sides. “You weren’t supposed to come back,” Robert clarifies. “That week, when things were exposed, you weren’t supposed to be here.”
“I didn’t want to.” There’s some honesty. My real feelings come through loud and clear in my voice. “I came back because my dad died.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Didn’t know what?”
“I didn’t know you’d come home and put yourself in the middle of everything with your dad.” Robert’s eyes meet mine and I see his anguish at the surface. He gets it under control, though. He doesn’t let it take over. “I thought you would stay away. Anyone would have stayed away from that mess, and then there you were. It made it so damn hard to—” He shakes his head, anger radiating from him. I can see it’s an old wound. About as old as mine. “My plan was to wait until the scandal died down and then beg you, on my goddamn knees, to take me back. My name wouldn’t be associated with the scandal, you’d be out of it too and your father would have to deal with the mess he made alone.
“There wasn’t a moment I didn’t love you,” Robert confesses. “But you came back and you sure as hell didn’t love me anymore. Everything was … nothing went the way it was supposed to. So I—” His voice breaks, and my heart breaks along with it. “I gave you space. I did whatever you told me to do, but I …”
“You shouldn’t have tried to—” I can barely speak, thinking about all the pain of that year.
“I know,” is all he says. “I just wanted you to know.”
“And the paternity test?”
“I love you, Mags. I wanted it not to be true, so I didn’t tell you.” Rustling leaves from the tree fall and scatter, making small noises onto the grass around us. “I didn’t know what to do, and I was young and dumb. I thought if I waited, you’d want me back one day.” He swallows thickly. “I made a lot of mistakes and the more time that passed, the less I felt like I could tell you any of it. The more I blamed myself.”
“You could have told me. At any time, you could have told me,” I say, staring back at a man I know is a good man, even if his decisions hurt the hell out of me.
“I tried my damnedest not to make any more mistakes, and I ended up making more of them because of it.”
Love stories don’t have to be perfect. As long as there’s love there. And we had love. We had true love and I know that.
I believe him. Robert means this with every bit of his heart. I can hear it in his voice.
“I just need you to know, I never stopped loving you and I’m sorry.”
“And I love you. I know I’ll never stop loving you.” I swallow down the anguish and add, “We just can’t be together.”
I wanted this, and I chose this, and it’s still painful. Growing up always hurts, doesn’t it? Nothing quite takes the edge off.
Robert gives me a sad smile I know all too well. He’s wiped my tears away a lot over the years. He’s been there for me. Loving Brody the way I do doesn’t make this part any easier.
“That’s all right, isn’t it?” Robert asks. “That I love you, but I’m willing to step back and know we’re not meant to be together like that … but we can—” He pauses, his throat tight and his gaze moving past me to the park. I wish I had something I could tell him, something I could give him to make all this better.
“I want you to know I’ll always be here. No matter what happens, Mags. I’ll still be here.”
“Don’t wait for me. You deserve so much more than that.” A shuddering sadness cascades through my body. “Promise me you won’t. I would never forgive myself.”
“I’ll be here as your friend, Mags.” His smile is tight, but hopeful. “If you could still be friends with me?”
